I was reading a question about how women are more open to dating outside of their race than men are but this doesn't apply to me. I don't know why this is, but I just can't seem to like black men or dark complexioned men. I've always been this way. I can clearly remember when I was in elementary how I would only like light complexioned guys and befriend only people who were light in skin color. This went on through high shool up until now and my family has always questioned, "Where are your black friends?" or "When are you going to get a black boyfriend?". I have tried over the years to get over this. It just somehow never worked out. With the majority of black girls, I was never black enough. With the majority of black guys, I just wasn't attracted to their features. I mean, I prefer a more pointed/defined nose and tan/lighter to pale skin. BTW, I'm part black. Is this wrong in any way or does this make me a bad person?
2006-12-11 16:39:18 · 13 answers · asked by Anonymous in Society & Culture ➔ Cultures & Groups ➔ Other - Cultures & Groups
No! We have little control over who or what we are attracted to. Chemistry is chemistry. No matter what we wish for or what other people wish for us, you can't help what you are attracted to. Racism is hate and ignorance. It doesn't sound to me like your hating anyone. As far as your friends go, I wouldn't pass someone up based on what they look like because you might miss something really good on the inside. That would be shallow. On the same token, don't befriend someone just to avoid being viewed as prejudiced. Good Luck!
2006-12-11 16:51:00 · answer #1 · answered by Goddess 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I don't know your past so in no way am I trying to come to any conclusion, I can only tell you what I think. I believe that you are exhibiting signs of self hatred. I only say this because I experienced some of the same problems. I have come to realize the problems that have transpired in my life and have changed my way of thinking. I am black with of Latino heritage (descendant of slaves working on the panama canal). I am now dating a black woman who is the most wonderful woman I have ever been involved with. What I am trying to say is that you have to get to know people on a personal level. Look beyond skin color you don't need to to marry a dark skinned man but to not be able to befriend a person because of skin color is wrong. It is also wrong of others to look down upon you for not being "black enough". Just remember it is the Anglo hegemony they see in you that they are fighting not you as a person. So go an find those black people who match you equally in character and who will be able to see you as a kind person and friend not as "white washed".
2006-12-12 01:30:57 · answer #2 · answered by UCRPanaman 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
well no we all have our preference on who we are attracted to.that does not make you bad in any way . I'm not saying your bad BUT your not some one that i would probably be friends with. you said you cant even be friends with a person another race that you had tryed and just couldn't do it. I'm white and have been married to Mexican man for 15 years. we have friends of many colors and races. when we have a get together or a b.b.q. there all invited and they come then they will have a get together and we go to there home. that's the kind of friends i have so you would not be the kind of person that i could call MY FRIEND.
2006-12-12 02:18:03 · answer #3 · answered by BLOODHOUND 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No, you are not a bad person. You cannot always help who you are attracted to. Just like I am attracted to females, but not males.
That's just fine with me. :)
Anyway...If anyone gives you grief about it, just let them know in no uncertain terms that you are living your own life. Some people are just more interested in criticizing and putting others down. Don't pay attention to it.
If anything, if you forced yourself to try to like black men or whatever, you'd actually be denying yourself, which would be bad for you and cause even more problems, most likely.
2006-12-12 00:52:21 · answer #4 · answered by joannaserah 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
No of course you are not a bad person. I mean you are entitled to who you are attracted to. The thing that makes your case unique is called tolerance and preference. They do work together. You do like blacks, and yet you are not attracted to them. Nothing wrong there. You tolerate them to exist with you, to talk to you, to accept them as human beings. You fit the good category. You are not racist at all. You just have different preferences in looks and social norms, which is normal.
Trust me, you are fine.
I am white, and I am not attracted to whites. I am attracted to Asians. Doesn't make me racist. I just have my own preferences.
Besides, if it was classified as racist, EVERYONE would be guilty. Thankfully we are in a world where tolerance is growing. We don't have to accept everything to be tolerant. We just acknowledge the right for things or others to exist and co-exist among us. Dont worry! BE HAPPY! :)
2006-12-12 00:49:16 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
No, you want someone who is a part of YOUR race;) You don't have to like black men - if you want someone who looks like you, go for it. Different strokes for different folks. Don't let black people make you feel guilty. You are a mix of cultures and you have a right to choose how you express those cultures, whether other people approve or not. As long as you aren't hurting anybody, you are a good person.
2006-12-12 00:45:05 · answer #6 · answered by oh really 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I can understand that you may not like men who are darker skinned bc that has 2 do with preference, but if you wont associate with people with darker skin.. well that is racist! No offense, but you are missing out on alot of nice people by having this hang up. I have friends who are of all diff. skin tones, and I have never wanted to stop being friends with them bc of their skin color. That is very shallow, and you must have lived a very sheltered life. I would suggest that you branch out a bit, and you will be surprised to realized that people are people regardless of skin tone.
2006-12-14 18:30:40 · answer #7 · answered by katiedid. 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No, You have every right to date / be with who ever makes YOU happy ! If you aren't attracted to black men... you aren't attracted to them.. period ! I dont understand people sometimes.... trying to tell you 'who' you should be with, or 'why' you should be with them. I am a lesbian...but, that doesn't make me a 'bad person'. I love life.. i love my family, my kids, and my partner, with all of my heart. I love nature and animals. I wouldn't do anything to "intentionally" hurt another human being....... but, i just dont like being with a man ! If that makes me 'bad'.... or if you not being with a black man, makes YOU bad... then there is something diffenately wrong with society ! You be with who you want to be with sweetie... and who makes you happy... and dont worry about what others are thinking, or saying about it. You 'are' a good person.. just as I am.... regardless of who we are in a relationship with !
2006-12-12 00:53:43 · answer #8 · answered by JSSK 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
NO. Dont let people give you ****. You are only obligated to date who you are attracted to. Plain and simple. It doesnt matter what your reasons are. A womans heart is not an equal oportunity employer. As for your hurt regarding your ethnic background, let it go. People will always find a reason to say your not enough, smart enough, pretty enough, black enough, white enogh, thin enough............People always find a reason to hurt each other. So dont let them win. Ignore them.
2006-12-12 00:46:23 · answer #9 · answered by absintheveil 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You are making more out of this than it is. Who we are attracted to is a personal preference and not some racial separation. You don't have to be bi-racial or of any ethnic group to have a certain pre-disposition toward a race as far as dating.
We like who we like.........
2006-12-12 00:55:30 · answer #10 · answered by Anna M 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋