Based on Yahoo answers' advice, I happily agreed to my husband's request that we would have sex 2x a week and we sat down and made time in our schedules for it (Tu and Th of this week). But for the last two nights, he has tried to get me to go to bed with him at like, 8 p.m. when I have things to do (last night, helping my dtr with homework; tonight, a work deadline). I reminded him we had scheduled it as he requested. He says "I just want more sex." My feeling is that he didn't request sex when "we both want it," he requested it guaranteed, 2x a week, on the calendar, and that is what he will get. Now he is acting all hang-dog rejected and I feel bad.
2006-12-11 16:39:09 · 28 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I don't know that you're being mean so much as you're being rigid. Maybe I'm just old fashioned but I thought sex was something spontaneous and enjoyable for both parties.
Good sex isn't about control. It sounds like the two of you may be engaged in a power struggle. And as for scheduled sex, I can think of few things that would make sex less sexy.
I believe if you're in a monogomous relationship, both of you should do what you can to satisfy each other. But my guess is that neither of you understands how to give sexually. And sex is about giving -- not "What can you do for me...".
Also, if you're just going through the motions, it's not likely your husband will feel satisfied. I think that a healthy man is turned on by a woman being turned on. There's nothing in the human experience that can rival that. So if he's not getting the sense from you that you're really turned on and enjoying him, I don't see how he could derive much satisfaction from your sexual relationship.
It's all in how you look at things. I personally know a number of women whose husbands are not interested in them. And trust me, they would love to be in your shoes, having a man who really wants them. So you can look at your husband and resent him or you can look at him with some appreciation for the fact that he's into you and that he wants to have sex with you and not somebody else. It's the same situation either way... just how you choose to see it that differs.
Sounds like you've got some choices to make. And those choices will make your sex life a source of great pleasure or a source of contention and frustration and strife. Your choice.
Good luck to you.
2006-12-11 16:58:50 · answer #1 · answered by DearAbby 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Why don't you want to sleep with your hubby more than 2 x a week? Maybe sometimes you can be more flexible and switch the scheduled night to the present one. Personally a scheduled sex life sounds kind of stiff (no pun intended) and a bit boring. Maybe just going with a spontaneous night not on the schedule can be a lot of fun for both. Have talked to your md maybe you have low hormones? I'm sure that work and kids must take a lot of you but don't forget your hubby he needs you too. Why not surprise him early one morning before work or better yet for lunch in the middle of the day. ;)
2006-12-12 00:47:22 · answer #2 · answered by benjiandremy 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Good Lord it's not supposed to be a chore or some kind of reward or punishment. He is pouting and you are like the mother enforcing the rules! I can't imagine...
Get some REAL therapy, go to a sex/relationship counselor and work through this with some real help. That means a professional not strangers on yahoo. Before this behavior of pouting and demands along with control issues leads straight to divorce. and/or he seeks someone who doesn't make him feel like sex is a chore. Be happy he loves you and wants to be with you!
Why couldn't he have helped your daughter with the homework while you worked on your deadline? There is something more going on in this relationship than sex problems. You should be working as a team and a partnership in all areas of your life together marriage, sex, parenting, etc...
I find this all very sad. And then there is part of me that wants to ask of you schedule oral sex, foreplay, what position and for how long on the calendar too! What about a timer?? I just can't begin to imagine... Don't you two ever have date nights? Spend time together enjoying eachother other than sex? Neither of you are a robots. You promised to love, honor and cherish. This doesn't sound like what is going on...
Is there are reason why you don't desire to be with your husband? It does not sound like you have a healthy relationship at all. There are some big time control issues going on here. Please seek therapy immediately.
2006-12-12 00:47:17 · answer #3 · answered by Wicked Good 6 · 2⤊ 1⤋
Darling the one thing that the both of you need to realize is that sex should not be planned. It is something that is shared between two people whenever and whereever the mood calls for it. When you start to document and put on a calendar days and times that you are intimate with you mate it instead becomes a chore or something that you don't enjoy. Get back to being spontaneous and find other ways to be intimate other than sex. You'll often find that you can feel that same intimacy and excitement when you don't plan for it.
Good Luck!!
2006-12-12 00:46:01 · answer #4 · answered by sgame00 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Yeah theres nothing romantic like you having sex just because its scheduled on your freakin calandar. Please. Whoever told you to get a sharpie and plot out your sex on a schedule was kinda messed up in the head. Take a day off and just watch a movie, talk, remember why your together in the first place and feelings will come. If not, then yes, he MAY get it somewhere else, but dont treat sex like an obligation. Thats kinda lame. He loves you, so at least make an effort to be romantic. Let loose. Cuddle. Whatever
2006-12-12 01:09:36 · answer #5 · answered by Bibsy 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
People shouldn't have sex based on schedule. It should occurs naturally to both parties. You and him will enjoy it more. The 2x a week schedule sound like work. No, you're not mean but both of you should have a talk because the schedule does not work.
2006-12-12 00:56:57 · answer #6 · answered by Ted B 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
let's see if i got this right this guy has to get an erection at 8 pm on tuesday and thursday or he just misses out on sex. what the kind of crap is this. what happened to ,the kids are outside and your in the kitchen,time to get some good sneak sex, or he slips into the bath just as you thought you were done.work dead line,hell stay up an extra half hour and get you some. work may be better the next day . now i'm with you gotta help the kids with the homework so they can go to bed and if all is good , sex.then good sleep. girlfriend you better wake up here the guy wants you and you have him on a sch. like a trained monkey.
2006-12-12 00:51:40 · answer #7 · answered by looken4answers 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Girl if you love this man give him a little more action. He's more than likely gonna go looking for other goods if you get my drift. Men need it often to keep our sanity. Withholding it because he didn't fully express how much he wanted to have sex with you is just wrong. You make it seem like a legal agreement with legal loopholes. "that is what he will get" will get you what you don't want...a divorce. He doesn't seem like a sex addict but he does enjoy it. Here's a little advice about us guys. We love to spend time and have sex with our gf or wife(whatever the case may be)because that's our time that we know no one else is getting. If you don't give him enough to sooth his mind he will eventually think that you're having sex with someone else. Which may or may not be the situation. He'll eventually go out and find the comfort that he's craving. And most men don't mind paying for it.
2006-12-12 00:47:50 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well theres your problem right there .. , you cant schedule sex .. lol you sound like a hooker .. , sex must happen when you are ready for it and in the mood .. but damn schedule it .. well i don't think so , thats not the way a relationship should work .. , you guys must really work on this problem .. hope you work things out , not taking sides here but maybe you can be more open-minded when it comes to sex ... all the best ..and keep well .
2006-12-12 00:51:59 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 0⤋
Sex is a funny thing....for some men it can be a "connection" with their spouse. Maybe he is needing something else from you, ie:attention. Sounds like you need to talk with him, scheduling sex is not going to help your marriage, it could get worse. YOu may start resenting him for this. Come from your heart and really talk with him, find out if there is something else that he needs from you/the relationship. You definitely don't want him to go and seek out other options....start talking from your heart.
2006-12-12 00:49:47 · answer #10 · answered by jewels 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋