What started out as friends ended up much more deeper than that. Now, 6 months later, we both realize that we still have young daughters at home (12 yrs. old each & 15 yr. old sons). We've grown closer together as fate would & have fallen "out of love" with our current spouses. We both married very young, and grew apart from our spouses. He & I are so much alike & have such a great time together & even dream of being together someday when our kids are grown. BUT............the problem is that he WILL NOT leave his kids now and I have moved out & left my family for him. Do I continue to wait on a dream that may turn out to be a nightmare or should I wake up & find someone new, OR should I take his advise & go back home JUST for my kids sake & PRETEND that I love my husband, like he "pretends" that he loves his wife????
WHAT DO I DO???? I NEED HELP REALLY BAD.........Please help!!!!
2006-12-11 16:23:49 · 23 answers · asked by Black Widow (Crazy Bitch) 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Don't listen to people who has not been in the same boat...it all fells strange and out of line. The only problem with this guy is that his kids are not that small for him to stay and take care of them, so there might be something else on his mind and if you think its just an excuse ...well that probably is. Don't go back, learn to be on your own, and don't pretend it will get you nowhere. I can only wish you luck, as i know how you feel...i am in the same boat as you are :) ...no easy way out.
2006-12-11 17:55:02 · answer #1 · answered by vsg666 1 · 0⤊ 2⤋
Oh what a tangled web we weave...
He isn't leaving his kids, he may not even leave his wife in the long run. You don't fall out of love, you may not be happy but marriage is work. You chose this relationship this didn't just happen to you. Leave your husband if you wish but don't expect your lover to follow.
Sounds like you are trying to use marrying young as an excuse, but there is more to this than the issue of an affair. If you leave your husband you should date a lot of people to find out what you really are looking for and makes you happy otherwise you are jumping right into a relationship bringing all your problems and relationship inexperience with you. Including growing apart from someone instead of growing together.
You also need to be mature and realize these things don't just 'happen'. An affair is a biproduct of something else that is wrong in the relationship. It would have been better to seek counseling for the problems and then decide if you should stay or not.
Staying now just because your love isn't going to leave his wife isn't going to help you. If you want to stay you need to seek couseling to iron out the underlying problems that led to your affair. Even if you don't stay you should seek some kinds of counseling otherwise you will move baggage right into the next relationship.
You may be sorry once the excitement of the affair wears off.
2006-12-11 16:32:04 · answer #2 · answered by Wicked Good 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I personally and getting so sick and tired of people saying go ahead and leave your kids- be happy! What ever happened to putting your own selfish needs aside so the kids YOU decided to have get a chance at a half normal life? When did staying in a marriage "for the sake of the kids" become some horrible thing, rather than a responsibility? Your kids didn't ask you to go sleep with some other man. "Fate" my a**! Get your act together, be a decent mother and wife and stop putting your crotch above your childrens wellbeing for a change.Women like you disgust me and I don't care if you report me for this. What IS WRONG WITH PEOPLE THESE DAYS??!!! GROW UP. Yes, you and he are a lot alike because look how disgusting you're both being.
2006-12-12 04:45:13 · answer #3 · answered by Sabine É 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Did you realize when you had children that they look to you for their happiness. NOTHING!! Should be more important to you than them.
Once they are grown you can resume your needs. Really!! If more people realized that raising children is the most important part of a marriage once they have them. We wouldn't have so many unhappy young adults who feel alone and angry. Childhood has become endangered because of the selfish needs of the adults who claim to love their kids but don't want to stick around when the going gets rough.
No marriage is perfect. If you can't openly discuss the problems that are hindering your relationship from being happy and satisfying with your husband then I suggest you really REALLY make the attempt to. Exhaust every other option other than completely severing your marriage. If you care about the man you promised to love and cherish for better or worse until the end of your life at all, you owe him that much.Ebb and flow!!
As long as you aren't suffering mental or physical abuse at the hand of your husband, you should stay and work it out.
Everything you do effects your children!! Their happiness needs to hold more sway with you.
And what's to say that a man who would think of cheating on his current wife with you wouldn't someday turn around and do the same to you. Life isn't always Greener....
2006-12-11 16:55:05 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I suggest you go to your husband and talk to a marriage counsellor about the problems. You may find that there is just a plain misunderstanding. If there is no misunderstanding, then it is important to talk things over with the professional help. The problem could be resolved and allow you two to once again truly love eachother. However if the problem cannot be resolved you and he need to speak to your children together as a couple to let them know they are not at fault or unloved. Teach them that you and your husband need to be apart, but will always be in the childrens' lives. The man you are in love with should not be told to leave his kids behind. You should find a different man who is free from the same bind you are in, and start a new life. I know it will hurt, but there are many who are looking fo the right woman, and they will want to be with your children too, as well as have children with you. You need someone who is free from trouble, and has a heart big enough to accept you and your family. Love the spouse, love the family. Never leave the children behind. NEVER. They need you as much as you need them.
2006-12-11 16:40:05 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well I have a true story for you: My mother in law left her husband 10 years ago for another man, My husband was like 15 my brother in law 18. 10 years later this is the case, Her husband is dying of cancer and she now has noone to take care of her, she never worked, has no income other than her husband's, and wanted my father in law to take her back, so, just remember, betrayal is a B****, this is going to come back and bite you in the A**, Love doesn't always conquer all. Life is more than LOVE all the time. You both need to rethink ALL of your actions before thinking the grass is greener on the other side, it's not always the case.
2006-12-12 00:00:51 · answer #6 · answered by J*A*K*C 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Not real clever. Did you think the same old story did not apply to you. He is with his wife because he actually loves her more than you. I can guarantee you he will not leave when the 21st are coming up or the grandchildren or the christenings or the 5th birthdays. You do not go back into a marriage "just for the kids"..that only causes misery and guilt for the kids. Put it down to experience and get on with your own life which may or may not involve another man.
2006-12-11 16:41:55 · answer #7 · answered by obenypopstar 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Think of ur children lady...! Go home, give 'em a big hug and sort things out with ur hubby. Since christmas is coming up, how'bout a holiday trip with ur family?It's one way to re-discover urself and the real reason why u chose to get married in the first place.Whatever u do, my advice is Forget the other man, he belongs to someone else.U're gonna break many hearts if u go on doin whatcha doin rite now, something which u may not be able to forgive urself for the rest of ur life. Can u live with that?
2006-12-11 16:49:05 · answer #8 · answered by geee 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You may think you are in the same boat, but he's got the yacht and you are left adrift in the dingy. Well, like most cheats .. this is another "tail" of woe ... I very much doubt he loves anyone but himself ... his reason for staying is primarily financial, and secondarily for appearance sake, you got screwed, you screwed him and yourself, and now you are out in the cold while he has the option of you on the side and his spouse at home ... no cold nights for him and he retains the appearance of a faithful father .... the problem with cheaters is, how can you trust them not to cheat on you when they get bored with you .. or you with them? ... neither of you is a bargain, best to learn from your mistake and either crawl back to your home and try to salvage what you have left by investing the same energy in your spouse that you did in your fling ... or, move on and try to build a better relationship with someone who can be there for you 24/7 ... if he is sending you home, its cause he still wants to pork you on your husbands tab ... why pay for the cow when you can steal the milk from your neighbors porch?
Having been divorced myself, i know that living in a loveless marriage creates unbelievable stress to the point of physical illness ... in my opinion, he doesn't love you OR his wife ... but you are both convenient when he cant find someone else to screw.
2006-12-11 16:40:43 · answer #9 · answered by casurfwatcher 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If you do not love your husband anymore, then going back to him would be a mistake. Don't try to marriage work just for the sake of the kids. That would not be doing anyone any favors. Ultimately, only you can make this decision but personally, I would not wait for your BF to leave his family. I would go back to my husband and honestly try to make my marriage work. If you honestly do not want to be married to your husband anymore, then make a life for yourself and your kids but do not count on your bf as part of the future. He could very well do what he says and will leave his wife when his kids are older, but I know that I could not live my life just waiting on someone else to do something. I have more pride than that.
2006-12-11 16:38:04 · answer #10 · answered by eharrah1 5 · 1⤊ 1⤋