I have been with my boyfriend for a while and I love him deeply; we are making our engagement official this weekend, and I am happy about it. I know that we're not perfect, we have small areas in our relationship that need to be worked on, just like anyone does. Im saying this because i want to make it clear that I am not "blinded" by love, I'm realistic. However I think i might be being too open minded?? Does that make sense? I know in the past ive been one to change my mind a lot and it seems like my life can be perfect but I still wont be satisfied. This is just my problem right? I have also had second thoughts about him in the past, not because i want to be with anyone else but because i was worried that im missing out on something. I believe in the sanctity of marriage and im a christian. I love him and I don't want to end up hurting him because of my own up and down emotions. Any advice??
2006-12-11 16:15:43 · 7 answers · asked by Christines256 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
We plan to take time to plan the engagement (about a year)...
2006-12-11 16:22:05 · update #1
It sound like to me that you just need to make sure that you have time for you. Specifically your needs and wants. Make sure you do things with other friends, maybe even take trips with a girlfriend or by yourself. Maybe if you feel like you have a life outside of him and your marriage, you won't feel cut off and like you are missing things.
2006-12-11 16:25:16 · answer #1 · answered by eharrah1 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Since you write that you are a Christian, I will offer this answer accordingly.
From Proverbs:
There are three things that are never satisfied, four that never say, 'Enough!': the grave, the barren womb, land, which is never satisfied with water, and fire, which never says, 'Enough!'
If your vertical relationship is not full and fast-flowing (and YOU must answer this, not anyone else), then none of your horizontal relationships will work well. John Eldredge wrote it well; you need God more than you need anyone else - and so does your boyfriend.
Perhaps yours is the barren womb, figuratively speaking only.
Compatibility is certainly to be sought after in as many areas as possible. But it will be how you approach issues of incompatibility, or even if you will, that makes or breaks a marriage.
May I also strongly recommend one of these pre-marriage intensives:
http://www.nationalmarriage.com/
Huge blessings on you both!
2006-12-12 00:27:43 · answer #2 · answered by WindWalker10 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Get couples counseling now, before you're married. You'll learn so much about yourselves as individuals, and about each other. And it will help you both make sure you're doing the right thing.
Many churches offer premarital counseling, and that might be a good place for the two of you to start.
And if you're really worried about your own feelings, think about seeing a counselor on your own, too. It can be enormously helpful to have someone to hear you out and coach you through all those emotions.
2006-12-12 00:23:57 · answer #3 · answered by some chick 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
IF you really believe that the way you think could cause a problem later down the road , than it might...if you know this has been a problem of yours in the past , then getting married might become a cage for you , and unwillingly you could cause more harm to your relationship ....I'd say.... that if your really worried about it....talk to him and let him that you love him ...but i,m not ready yet....maybe you should live together , until your sure of what YOU want :) good luck
2006-12-12 00:38:37 · answer #4 · answered by Bob 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to do whats going to make you happy life long. If you are unsure and have had these doubts about being with him before, you should listen to your instinct. Dont make a mistake you will regret for the rest of your life. Maybe tell him you still love him but need to find "you" again. Dont rush a marriage it will only make you unhappy.
2006-12-12 00:20:37 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Doesn't sound like you're going to be engaged for long, kiddo.
2006-12-12 00:18:18 · answer #6 · answered by johngolfs2002 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
if you are truely a christian,then listen to your heart and let your fellings come out and bring your relationship even closer
2006-12-12 00:20:06 · answer #7 · answered by Donald D 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋