My husband is deployed to Iraq and today I received a Christmas card in the mail from his grandmother. There was a 100 dollar check in it made out to me as well as a 20. Then in the card says right away when you open it in a note all to itself said " I'm sending the Christmas check in your name only because Chris is not there to sign it himself. I hope you know that." I was deeply hurt when I read that. As I continued to the actual letter part of the card all it talked about was how the 20 was from a friend of theirs for Chris and since she already sent out her package to him she was giving it to me to buy him things with. I have sent him already this month 7 packages. Does she think I don't send him anything? Then there was another card, a thank you card and an already addressed to the guy who gave the 20 and addressed from us stamped and ready to go included just to be sure I would thank him!! As if I wouldn't do it on my own. I am very hurt and find this very rude.
2006-12-11 15:58:21 · 22 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
I am not going to cash the check. I am sending the 20 to my husband and letting him buy whatever with it over there. Do you think I am doing the right thing?
2006-12-11 15:59:48 · update #1
Yeah she sounds like a real prize. Its a little strange what she said about signing the check, of course you would know that he's not there and why its in your name that just makes sense.....unless I'm misunderstanding. But wow sending the thank you card to you is a very rude assumption on her part, really tacky Grandma!!! I want you to remember something......YOU know what you do for him, what you send him etc. And as frustrating as it is to be judged by Grandma, YOU know the truth and your husband knows the truth and that's all that matters. Be happy, and if she wants to live being a cranky old boot, let it be her problem not yours. BTW thank you to your husband for his dedication to keeping us free, and thank you to you for standing by his side so he can do so. Merry Christmas!!
2006-12-11 16:04:29 · answer #1 · answered by alwayslarat 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I do not think you are doing the right thing. Maybe she did not want to offend you by not putting his name on it like as in he's not coming back type mentality. She was thoughtful enough to send it in the first place and maybe she thinks that you have enough on your mind and that is why she sent the thank you card. Now, what you need to do is send her a thank you card (after you cash the check). Swallow your pride and thank her for being so thoughtful for sending the card to the $20 guy. Then, you write your own thank you card to the other guy. Do not send the one she sent you. Sometimes people can have the best intentions and just express it the wrong way. Let her know that you have added the money she sent to the packages that you already send him and that you included something extra special for him with her contribution. The key to getting along with inlaws of any kind is to have class and grace. Please do not lower yourself by responding in a negative way or by not cashing the check. By the way, thank you and your husband for the sacrifices that you are making for us and our wonderful country. God Bless You and Happy Holidays!
2006-12-12 00:06:57 · answer #2 · answered by amoroushotmama 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Hmmm. What she says is a reflection of her, I wouldn't take anything personally. What I would do is deposit the check and tell my husband that his grandmother sent it along with $20 cash from one of his friends and ask my husband what he wanted me to do with the money.
I would then write a thank you card to the Grandmother and another one to the friend that sent the $20. I would return the pre-signed and stamped card back to the grandmother and let her know that you prefer to send your own thank-you card.
Avoid making assumptions and don't dwell on feeling hurt and judging Grandma as being rude but discern her behavior as odd and you can let it all go and she will have no power over you. If you take it personally you will make it personal and you will be the one to pay with wasted moments of your life being upset. Just chalk it up as another strange thing she did and don't read anything into it. You'll be much happier.
2006-12-12 00:21:33 · answer #3 · answered by teach_empathy 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Her heart is in the right place, but her head needs time to catch up. She is trying to be helpful, loving, and supportive to you and your husband. She isn't trying to be insulting or rude.
About the check:
This is basicially her gift to you. She got somthing for your husband, and probably wasn't sure about what to buy for you. So she sent you a check (for a generous amount) and tried to explain why it was only made out to you so you wouldn't get offended that she didn't send it to both of you.
About her gift to Chris:
She sent him something because she loves him. When you are away from home, it's nice to get letters, gifts, and other reminders of people you left behind. And she wanted you to know that she didn't forget him.
About the $20:
It's not that she thinks that you don't buy your husband anything, but she is trusting you to know her grandson better than she does. Another person gave her the money, she just passed it along to you to do the actual spending.
About the "thank you" card:
This was totally tacky on her part. Maybe she didn't think you had the man's address, maybe she thought you had enough to worry about without the added burden of getting a card, maybe she thought she was just being helpful, or maybe she just wanted to make sure her friend got a card for his thoughtfulness. Whatever her reasons, I'm sure it wasn't meant as a direct insult to your manners.
If it was me, I would just send her a thank you card, and let her know that her efforts are appreciated. At her age, and being an in-law, it's better to ignore it. You don't want to start a fight with her while your husband is overseas. But when he comes home, have a long talk with him about his family's behavior while he was gone. If something needs to be said to granny, it's better that it come from him, not you.
2006-12-12 00:21:21 · answer #4 · answered by welches_grape_jelly 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Put the check in your checking account or cash it and hold it until you can spend the money. Buy your own thank you card for the person with the $20. Then have Chris tell his grandmother to knock her crap off. My husband's grandmothers usually send our gifts in my name but that is because they know Jeff will probably never get around to getting a check cashed. Everyone is different. Of course, if you really want to get her, you can write her a thank you note telling her what you did with the money.
2006-12-12 00:17:37 · answer #5 · answered by eharrah1 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Don't be offended. 'Grandma' is from a different time. They sent Thank You cards and made sure things were 'socially' in order much more than we do today. She could be thinking that she is helping make things easier on you. To the other extreme, she could be acting a little 'pushy'. In that case, she is just being 'grandma' and you need to just let her be. It is hard, but easier in the long run.
Send her a note 'thanking her' for her help and that you just sent out a package to your husband, but would be more than happy to send this along as well. Make it a point (politely) to show her that you do take care of the things that need to be done, even if she doesn't see it.
Hope this helps!
http:// findadvicehere.com
2006-12-12 00:10:36 · answer #6 · answered by MRJACK 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
W0w, I'd be pissed... Thats in-laws for ya...
Maybe I'm too anal, stubborn and hard-headed...but I completely understand how you feel. I wouldn't cash the check. I would tell your husband, let him know you were very affended and ask him what he wants you to do about it. Not in a naggy way so that it stresses him out, but just a simple "I found this kind of rude and I was hurt by it, what do you think I should do with the check?"
Everyone else is probably right though when they tell you to basically forget about it and she is just old... but like I said, I'm too anal, stubborn and hard-headed to handle it the "right way". LoL My advice probably sucks but hey, I hate when in-laws are assholes and I won't let them treat me like that. Ugh, I'm so sorry she treated you that way... even if it wasn't purposely...it's still friggin ignorant!
PS...Someone mentioned thanks to you and your hubby for serving our country... as an Air Force wife, I understand how hard it is to be a military wife and I too am thankful to both of you. Military wives don't always get enough credit and are labeled as just the "dependant" or "spouse" but it is nice to know that some people see past that! Best wishes to you guys and Merry X~Mas! :o)
2006-12-12 00:01:55 · answer #7 · answered by ღ♥ Katie ♥ღ 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think the letter is rude. Just the fact that she made a point to say the check is made out to you b/c your husband is not home, is just unnecessary. Furthermore, she may have thought having the thank-you card all ready to go was to help you out.
2006-12-12 00:07:13 · answer #8 · answered by SwannyH 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Ha ha. Granny is pretty ballsy.
I would send her a nice thank you note and say something like:
Dear Granny. I used the 20 dollars to buy myself some very pretty underwear. For Chris. When he gets home. Love, Kelli
That oughta shut her up.
2006-12-12 00:01:07 · answer #9 · answered by chilerin 3 · 3⤊ 0⤋
I totally agree with welches.
Also it depends on how you read it.
" I'm sending the Christmas check in your name only.
Because, Chris is not there to sign it himself.
I hope you know that."
She might have thought that you’d be wondering why she only sent it to you.
The fact that she’s not good with words, is a fact.
But don’t judge her on her deeds, but on her hearts intent.
If she wanted to be nasty she could have just sent it to Chris, and nothing to you.
Don’t take it personally. Most Grannies just want to be good.
2006-12-12 01:17:42 · answer #10 · answered by Louw D 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋