We've been together for almost a month. When we first declared to go on with this relationship, it happens so suddent. I don't even see it coming. He just asked me my feelings towards him. I just told him that he is special for me. That was it. I didn't say anything about wanting to be his girlfriend. But the next thing I know, he's already treating me as his girlfriend! It's my fault for not set things straight. To be honest, I was impressed by the way he's treating me. He is a nice guy, and that's when I thought that maybe I could give this a try. But just recently I realize that I can't love him. I only want to be friends with him. But the problem is, he's already introduced me to his parents and I've met most of his friends and he's very serious about this relationship. If I break this off, I would feel guilty for the rest of my life! And it's already been a month! If I want to break this relationship, I should've done it earlier, right? Should I be honest? Or give it another try?
2006-12-11 15:54:48 · 11 answers · asked by Kate 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
You need to be honest with this guy -- and you need to be honest with him immediately. The biggest thing that traps women in a dead end relationship is that they allow themselves to be deluded that they somehow "owe" the other person affection for all the trouble he's gone through. This is total nonsense. You owe the people from whom you borrow money; but there is no person on the face of the earth (let me repeat -- THERE IS NO PERSON ON THE FACE OF THE EARTH WHO OWES ANOTHER PERSON LOVE OR AFFECTION).
Please do not feel guilty; and do not allow yourself to be trapped in a dead-end relationship because you think you'll feel badly about turning him down. And whatever you do, DO NOT allow him to put a guilt-trip on you about "why didn't you say something before I went to all of this trouble, and blah, blah, blah."
Any man who'll reduce a relationship to the level of a transaction isn't worth having. Trust me -- you're feeling guilty because you've bought into the myth already -- and you're wrong to do so. You think you feel guilty now -- wait till you're married to this guy and are stuck in a loveless marriage. If you know there's no future for you, you owe it to this guy to be honest with him and tell him. Dating isn't transactional, it's a process of "win some, lose some." You try, and you move on. You owe him nothing, and he owes you nothing. If he chose to make a greater investment, that was his choice, and you're not responsible for his choices. But there are no guarantees in life, and neither you nor he should think that because one makes an investment, one is "owed" a payback.
I'm sorry, but relationships don't work that way. Be honest. You won't "feel bad for the rest of your life;" you'll feel relieved, and in the long-run, you'll feel more proud of yourself for having shown the courage and maturity to be true to yourself.
Hope this answer helps. Cheers.
2006-12-11 16:10:33 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well you cant force yourself to have feelings towards someone. If you think there is a chance then give it a shot...and who knows what will happen. If you defenatly think its not going to work then you have to talk to him before it gets even more serious. The more you put it off the worse it will be. Summon up your courage and talk to him. It could be a lot worse so cut it off soon if thats what you want to do. Dont worry about him...he will eventually move on and find another girl so dont feel guilty. Like I said, you cant help who you love or dont love.
Good luck!!!
2006-12-12 00:02:41 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wow...you put urself in a corner. You should of done it earlier, and u should be honest....It seems like u made up your mind that you dont see him that way. It is really not a good idea to convince yourself otherwise. Making yourself like somebody never works. Um.. i suggest that you be honest with him, the sooner the better, the more you wait the more it going to hurt. I know it going to be really hard and your going to feel really guilty and bad about it. However you need to do this or ur going to hurt him more and also you are living a lie and doing something that you dont want to or feel, just to make somebdoy else happy.
2006-12-11 23:59:58 · answer #3 · answered by aznromeo4ever 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
HEY HEY better to feel guilty now than wait ...for the next step. NO break the ties now dont hesitate . WHy should you feel bad? When if fact you dont love this guy. YEs you should of broken it off long time ago.BUt its not too late if you dont have feelings for him why give it another chance. You have made it clear that you dont have feelings for hiim so what the heck. Say its been nice but i need to move forward in my life and your life just isnt in mine. I will remain your friend but I dont want a life with you. Just simple.Move on with your life .
2006-12-12 00:12:25 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you don't love him and don't see the relationship going anywhere then you shouldn't feel bad about breaking it off b/c you are following your heart/feelings. It would be much easier to end it now then continue with the relationship when your not happy and it would only hurt him more. Honesty is always the best policy...good luck!
2006-12-12 00:11:10 · answer #5 · answered by SwannyH 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
dear saw ur writing.its good 2 see tht u r very honest.1st of all u ask urself do u like him or not.if then up2 wt extent.if ur ans is as ur life partner then plz dnt have any doubt n go ahead.but if u hv a single doubt then u must get apart immedieately.coz its a matter of ur life.again u'll find lot boys will like u but afterwards they change their face.if u dnt find tht symptom then its fine u kan take decision.talk 2 ur parents n do accordingly.no doubt u r a honest person.may almighty help u 2 achieve ur goal.bye
2006-12-12 00:18:16 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
its obvious this isnt going anywhere so just break it off. Thats part of having a bf/gf finding the right person for you, and he doesn seem to be so just break it off. gently though, and you shouldnt feel bad about it whatsoever. If you give it another try you'll just regret that fact that you didnt do it earlier
2006-12-11 23:59:03 · answer #7 · answered by Fabregas 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
NOO..ive been through the same thing. I had a guy that i was just going out for fun and we ended up dating. the guy fell for me so bad. he was madly in love with me. he was nice and goodlooking, a gentleman, but i just couldnt love him. i would tell him that i liked him cause i didnt wanna hurt him and because everything he was doing for me, but as time passed it got so serious he proposed and brought his mom and sis to meet my parents and ask for my hand and it was too late...it was really hard to break it off after that. I hurt him so much like u have no idea. I would have broken it off early in the relationship because his hurt wouldnt have been so much as it was then.. Please break it off before it goes farther. Trust me
2006-12-12 00:01:18 · answer #8 · answered by starlette 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
1month is a very less time for anyone to fall in love its too soon even for ur guy to say that he is in love has he dne that?this is a gradual procees give it sme time as of now tel ur guy to take it slow and know each other more tel him in a very sweet way without hurting his feelings
2006-12-12 00:17:10 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
The problem with women today is..the guys that are nice to them...they can't be with...the guys that treat them like shi* they love...
Dump him...he's not for you..you don't deserve him...you'll regret it down the road...not now...please do this guy a favor...he'll find someone that deserves him...not you
2006-12-12 00:03:36 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋