weve been together 8 years and just found out he cheated on me with my friend I babysat for for 2 years, he didnt wear a condom. Then everyone comes and tells me about like 4 other women, two being mother and daughter (daughter 15!) Then my 15 year old sister and my best friend tell me he hit on them! He only admits to the first one the rest he has an excuse for (just flirting) he calls it! But I have a gut feeling its all true. He seems truly sorry and has been REALLY kissing the ground I walk on! But I wander if its just cause he got caught?! The only reason I'm considering staying is cause I do still love him and we have 2 kids together. Every day I feel different it hurts SO bad and I dont know if I can get past it! HELP!
2006-12-11 15:36:26 · 27 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I would say leave him...ofcoarse he is kissing your butt, he is scared your going to leave him. You have been together 8 years and he has not been faithful...do you really want to be with someone like that and expose your kids to that?_
2006-12-11 15:41:38 · answer #1 · answered by Chickybabe 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I have been dealing with a similar situation with my husband and am finally leaving after Christmas. We have been together 12 years and have two children. It is very hard and at times I get scared thinking about being on my own but I so need the peace of mind. I have totally lost respect for this man and do not trust him because I can't. He even lied to me in the parking lot of the counselors office! I understand what you are going through because my husband also has promised to change, cried, swore he loved me etc etc. I believe he does love me but I will no longer accept this mistreatment from him. Everytime I heard the same thing and gave him another chance because of our kids. Then it reached the point that I tried again just so I could leave and not feel guilty, feel like I had done everything I could to make it work. Only you can know whether the time is right, deep in your heart you know whether he will stay faithful or not. I knew I was done when I could quietly tell my husband that I was leaving, I didn't scream it at him as I had in the past. He realized it too and has been making all kinds of promises. If there is a pattern to all this, I bet that your husband is doing the same thing, talking and trying to sell himself to you but are you actually seeing changes? I did not and knew deep in my heart that maybe he wanted to change but the reality is that he won't. I finally decided that I would rather be alone than deal with his lies. I wish you and your children all the best.
2006-12-11 16:02:50 · answer #2 · answered by Colleen 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
My (now ex) husband denied cheating on me for about 6 months before he finally told me the truth. He seemed to feel so bad about it, he did everything he could to show me he was sorry. I told him we'd work it out (I was only 21 and we had a 1 year old). A few months later I was looking for a message from his mom in his email and found letters he wrote to another girl about how much he missed her, how he wishes he could just hear her voice. I confronted him and he denied it, so I showed him the messages. He said they never did anything, just held hands and hugged. I said I don't care, you have feelings for her. But we decided to try to work it out AGAIN. The next morning I asked him to watch my (our, but he gave up his parental rights, so now she's ALL mine) daughter while I did something. He flipped me off. At that point I burst into tears and told my mom everything. About 15 minutes later he was out the door. He flew to his dad's house the same day and I've seen him once since then. Some guys don't cheat, some cheat once and regret it and never do it again, some guys are just cheaters. I would say let him go, but I'm merciless with cheaters now. Try marriage counseling, hire a private dective, or dump him, those are the only choices you have if you want to get through this, but do something. It took me years to get over being cheated on, you need help. I hope it was just once and he'll never do it again, but you never know. Good luck!
2006-12-11 15:59:35 · answer #3 · answered by kameka 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is a struggle that no one understands unless they have been there and I have.
If this person is truly sorry and you love him then you should at least try to keep your family together.
Now the part about looking different to you.
That because your whole world has been turned upside down.
I used to picture them making love and it just consumed me.
I've learned that you can't do that my dear.
You have to put your trust in God to see you through no matter what the out come.
I used to have people tell me just move on with your life but it's not that simple when you truly love someone.
I wish you the best honey and faith is your strength.
God Bless
2006-12-11 15:50:06 · answer #4 · answered by OD 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He's got some serious issues. Hitting on 15 year old girls is a problem. Also, it doesn't sound like just one slip up at a weak moment. It is a pattern with him. That's usually a wake up call to start thinking of your exit strategy. Go see a counselor and a lawyer.
2006-12-11 15:54:07 · answer #5 · answered by thkiabdks 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I wish I could give you an answer. You need to find the answer in your heart. Take into consideration: How does he treat you? Does he respect you?-( Any man who cheats on his wife obviously does not have any respect or dignity!) Is he a good father? Are you ever going to be able to trust him again? Can you find it in your heart to truly forgive him? Is he taking responsibility for his actions and really trying to change?
I wish you the best of luck. I hope you have a good family and good friends who can be there for you. Be strong and do what is right for you and your children.
2006-12-11 16:37:22 · answer #6 · answered by brooklyn 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Only for the sake of the kids should you attempt marriage counselling first. If he refuses to go then he's not serious about fixing things and for obvious reasons he should be turfed out the door. Oh and the friend he cheated with? Call her up and tell her she's a dirty toilet.
2006-12-11 15:42:01 · answer #7 · answered by alwayslarat 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
There is a really good book that could help you out titled "The Five Love Languages." If you could get him to read this book, as well as yourself, then I believe it could help you out. The author, Dr. Gary Chapman, writes about how he has helped this woman save her marriage from divorce when she followed the advice from him, even when her husband didn't do the things he suggested. He mainly writes about that part towards the end of the book after explaining, in more detail, about the five love languages we have when it comes to relationships. I hope this helps out and I hope you are able to stay together and improve your relationship together. God Bless. :-)
2006-12-11 18:11:10 · answer #8 · answered by It's just me 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
would you stay with him if the doc. told you on your next visit you have a STD how would you feel
im not saying to leave your husband for good but at least for a little while .he has been caught of coarse he seems sorry they all do when they been caught .. you tell you need time to heal to all marragies are not made to last forever i know you love him and he loves you he just has a screwed up way of showing it and he know you are not going to leave show him you are not a weak women and you can do just fine taking care of the kids without him
having sex and not using protection is nasty , dangerous and just plain nast
2006-12-11 15:43:19 · answer #9 · answered by slpry L 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Go to a marriage counselor with him. If he resists, tell him you both need to talk to a neutral, trained, professional. It takes some time to work thru it but then you will know if you want to stay or leave.
Be careful with those gut feelings..........our thinking can distort the truths.
Also, quit talking about your personal life with your friends. Find a counselor, a minister, priest or rabbi. Get help! you wont be sorry. (and your insurance should pay for most of it)
2006-12-11 15:45:05 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
Please don't leave your husband. I know you may feel like giving up, but think of your children. My dad was cheating on my mom with my best friend's mom. They divorced five years ago and my life has been miserable ever since. I cry myself to sleep every night and feel so lonely knowing that I don't have a father in my life. Maybe you could go through counsiling or something. If you truely love your husband and children, then try everything possible to keep your family together.
~Kristina
2006-12-11 15:57:55 · answer #11 · answered by Kristina 1 · 0⤊ 1⤋