Selfish waiting for Grandma?

Question

I'm not sure if people replying can read my other questions or not...But heres the story, my husband and i are going to start trying for a baby. i just want to have everything i can thought through so theres less stress later on. i want my mother to be here for the delivery but she lives in ak and im in mo. my 1st question was if I get to 40 weeks and no birth is it safe to get induced so she'll be here, i think alot of you said its better to let nature take its course or it will be harder delivery. I wan to have it vaginaly and no drugs. i absolutely dont want a c-section unless emergency. I guess I'm feeling from everyone it's selfish for me to induce so my mom can be here? I'm so looking forward to givin birth and goin through all the experiances i also just want my mother here with me...Also, WHEN do you start going to some of the classes, preparing for birth? lamoz, etc??

Answer 1

All you can do is try to arrange for your Mum to be there for a week each side of your due date, that way the timing might just be right. Ofcourse there is a chance you could go early or a chance you could go late. If you get to 40wks and are still waiting there could be other factors that make an induction the way to go. If you are particularly big it may be best for the sake of your comfort to be induced, generally you will not be allowed to go more than 10days to 2wks past your due date (this is for the sake of you and the baby) I was induced both times because my waters broke but I did not go into labour. I was induced with the oxytocin drip. I did not use pain releif meds and laboured under 5 hrs with each birth, with out the need of further intervention. I have been told that labour can be more painful when induced, but I have no experience to go by so I do not know if that is the case. I started prenatal classes in the last trimester.

Answer 2

Hi! I wanted to have my first son with no pain meds also. And I had developed a great realtionship with my midwife. She knew exactly what I wanted. She was going on vacation the week I was due. So she offered to induce me at 39 weeks. I did ... It was exciting getting up and knowing I was going to have a baby that day. My mom also was in the delivery room with me so she and my husband got to be there for the whole thing. From the first contraction until the birth. My son is three now and perfectly healthy. However there are two things that I would for warn you about. 1) I had not dialated at all when I went in to be induced, So I went in there at 5 am Monday morning but did not have him until 6:00 Wednesday night. You cannot eat during the day during the drip - it was uncomfortable but not terribly painful until the last 3 or 4 hours. 2) There have been no studies to prove it but many suspect that if you induce your first child you are likely to have to induce the rest. My midwife had forewarned me about it and in my case it was true. My next son I carried for 42 weeks and had to be induced because he just refused to budge. However with him I went in at 5 am and had him at 230 that same afternoon. It's different for everyone! Do what you thinks best. There are no harmful effects to inducing as long as you know that your baby is full - term. As I said the only thing is it might take a little longer and you might have to induce any more children you have. As far as it being more painful.. I am not sure if I believe that. I was determined not to have an epidural because I am terrified about needles and I just wanted the experience. My first I had naturally .. no drugs whatsoever... my second I was crying so hard before active labor even began that I opted for the epidural. They both had there advantages in my case. I enjoyed with my first that I had done it on my own. And I got up as soon as I had him and walked to the nursery while they were checking his hearing etc. But I don't remember a lot from the labor because it was sssoo painful. My second -with the epidural - I could not walk yet right after I had him but I can remember in detail the cord being cut etc.. because I wasn't hurting ...

Answer 3

Just to get this question out of the way...most hospitals start lamaze classes around 7 months. Your doctor should have the forms for you to send into the hospital (or you can get them there) and they can better advise you.

Now, onto the biggie.

If you don't have your baby by the 40 weeks, doctor's will typically induce within the next two weeks because the placenta starts to deteriorate and your baby cannot survie like that (unless they're off on their calculations).

None of us here can tell you what's right or wrong health wise, so you really need to sit down and ask these questions of your doctor, so that you can more assured what is right from a professional medical point of view.

Not to mention...you need to do what's right for you. If it's important for you to have your mom with you, then you do what's right. If you are stressed and upset during the birth because she's not there, it can have just as negative effects on your baby, the birth experience, etc. as anything else.

www.sanemommy.com

Answer 4

I think the induction depends on your dr. If you get to 40 weeks, he may be willing to induce when mom gets there, but I can't imagine he would induce before. You're right, though...induction is much more painful. The meds they give you, aka pitocin, can make your contrax sooo painful. My first was all natural...went into labor by myself and finished labor by myself. It wasn't too bad, but not real fun, either. My 2nd was induced (dr broke my water and gave me pitocin). Let me just say...OUCH!!! After nearly losing my mind I recieved an epidural and had a beautiful delievery. I understand not wanting a c-section, however you might want to keep an open mind about pain meds.

I don't think it's selfish to want your mom there!! Not at all!!

As for Lamaze...not until the 3rd trimester. If you go too soon you'll forget, too late you'll miss your classes because you're in labor. Usually around 7-8 months.

Good luck getting pg...and just remember, no matter how well you plan, pregnancy, delievery and parenthood are always unpredictable. Don't be discouraged when things don't go exactly as you thought the should.

Answer 5

I don't know why women have to be so nasty and discouraging to each other sometimes. Everyone has their own opinion, and it's fine to share, but if you want to have your own opinion and the right to share then you shouldn't be judgemental of other people's opinions and allow them the same freedom you want. There, that's my little rant. I feel better now : )

You aren't selfish to want your mom here, and as long as your doctor okays it, you aren't selfish to induce your baby. As long as your decisions don't put your baby at risk (and there's no way of knowing that your baby would be more "at risk" during an induction than during a natural labor) you ARE NOT SELFISH. You have the right to make whatever decisions you and your partner are comfortable with them. As for the C-section thing, people are just trying to scare you. Not all doctors automatically try to give you a c-section, regardless of what some people are telling you. You'll just have to talk it over with your doctor and no that for you that's only an emergency/health concern alternative. And despite what some people are telling you on here, most doctor's don't have their own agenda, other than delivering a healthy, happy baby to a healthy, happy mom. C-sections aren't as bad as they seem, and they are avoided by lots of moms everyday. So don't let someone nasty person with their own agendas scare you.

By the way, you usually start taking classes around 28-30 weeks to make sure you get them finished before the baby comes. But you can also do condensed classes that cover everything in 1 or 2 sessions.

Answer 6

I know how you feel. If you find the OB you might get one that will let you induce labor if you hit 40 weeks. Remember they will only do this if the baby is ready. My mom is in Maine and I am in New Mexico and can't just leave when I want because I am military. She can't just leave my little sister either. I really want he to be here for me because I have felt so alone through my whole pregnancy (Fiance is in Iraq) plus this is a new base and I don't know a lot of people. 6 -7 months is a good time to start the lamaz classes. I just hope my fiance is home in time for me to start these with him.
Hope this helped.

Answer 7

No you are not selfish for wanting her there. I wanted my mother. But it happens when it happens. More than likely though if it is your first baby you want go on your own. Some people do, but for the majority most people have to be induced. By the end of you pregnancy you will be going to the doctor every week. So if you haven't gone by the week of you due date, then at the visit that week ask them if they can brake your water or scrape you to kinds help a little. That's what i did, except my appointment was on a thurs. I was due on mon. I went and asked then and they sent me to the hospital. But she could plan to just come down the week you are due, and see what happens.
Oh! We took lamaz classes abou 3-4 weeks before I was due.
Good luck!

Answer 8

I had my labor induced (by breaking my water) and it didn't harm my baby in any way.

The farther along in the pregnancy you get, the better idea you'll have when you'll go into labor. The best option would be for your mom to plan to stay with you the last few weeks, the time it takes her to travel from Alaska could cause her to miss the birth, or a major portion of the labor.

After you get to 37 weeks you and your doctor can decide if induction is a good idea.

Best of luck to you and your baby.

Answer 9

I understand your desire to have your mom there. Even if you did plan an induction, there's no guarantee nature won't happen first. My only suggestion is to expect the unexpected. It's great to have a birth plan, but if things don't go exactly how you want, you need to be able to deal with that in the moment.

I would look into prenatal classes after your first trimester... I waited to long and finished my classes a week before she was born.

Answer 10

Im not sure about the whole first part of your question for it was a lot to absorba nd kind of scattered, b ut for the last part i am 7 months and will be starting my birthing classes in january, so i will be 8 months. I believe it should be in the third trimester so you can remember but not too late incase you have the baby soon.