Marriage Problems?

Question

Two weeks into my marriage, my wife cheated on for a period of time. Even moved out and stayed at his home. I accepted my wife. But how do I cope when her trust is lost and I'm afraid every moment of every day that it will happen again. (She's had a history of doing this throughout every other relationship as well.) She's not cheating now but how do I cope with the feelings, especally when I love the kids.

Answer 1

oh yeah well she is at my house as you write this question

Answer 2

OMG -- two weeks into this marriage and she was cheating?????

She has a real problem, and so do you.... Let me fill you in, hon. First you need two definitions:

1. What is marriage? It is Admiration, Respect, Trust, and Passion, with a whole lot of lovies, committment, desire to please and be pleased, and for sure exclusivness in sexual relations. (Otherwise, why bother to get married, just go through a series of boinking buddies.....) With the trust gone, the admiration and respect go as well...either quickly, or by erosion.

(And it is more than two years in counseling even if both wish to save a marriage for it to heal, and then never as it was before.... and this is for a one time betrayal...... but you say she has a history of this.... as an aside, why did you marry her????)

And passion??? how does one manage that one when she has shared her body and soul with another man?????

2. Another definition: Addiction. Your wife is a sex addict. (On the same level as computer porn, drugs, alcohol, gambling....etc.) And as such, she already has a relationship it just isn't with you exclusively --- it is with anyone and apparently everyone!!!!!. Any addiction is really tough to treat, and about impossible to cure without a real committment. Addicts just aren't available, sweetie --- they are already involved....) Addictions are personality defects. Even an alcoholic who hasn't had a drink in 30 years will still admit he/she is an alcoholic just not presently drinking. From what you have said, your wife is a sex addict, and indeed is currently betraying your marriage.... and betrayal, sweetie, is the dealbreaker in marriage.

So here are a few things you need to at least ponder:
1. You really don't have a marriage.
2. The person you are living with is an addict, actively involved with others, and unavailable to you as a wife. And she isn't now, and won't be probably for most of her life.
3. Is this the situation in which you wish to continue???? never knowing how many she is with, and what disease she will bring home??

Answer 3

there is no easy answer...its just a matter of trust and love...I know this sounds cliche and phony...but it just takes some time and trust. If you truly love her you can over come the feelings. The true key is not learning how to cope, but learning how to forgive and then forget. And no I'm not suggesting that its ever truly forgotten, but simply not something that you think about. And its not once a cheater always a cheater...there are clinical explanations that can be the cause or root of it. I would suggest that you take some time and talk about it. Considering it happened so soon, it might have been an issue of cold feet just a lil late. Its not really all that uncommon. As far as the previous times with previous boyfriends...that has no bearing on your relationship with her. Remember time and love can heal all wounds no matter how deep.

Answer 4

I understand that you obviously love her, but you should have known better than to marry her. For some people marriage doesn't mean a thing, it's just a title. I think you should keep a sharp eye on her because this woman is not to be trusted. If she is willing to cheat on you without even thinking about the children then you should pack up the kids and leave.

Answer 5

Baji ji, i'm very sorry to pay attention your marriage concern. the main marriage are like that on and rancid. i'm married for one million 365 days and four months hamdullallah so we consistently went like on and rancid as I mean as quickly as we argument and different time we making a love. he's likewise my cousin. i don't understand what up on your husband. i'm specific there could be some thing reason that he do not communicate with you. I additionally understand that your husband does not love you in that way. attempt to take a seat down with him and conversing with him very nicer way and ask him what subject concern he have. Ask him a question as lots you could. which you think of it significant you to invite. pay attention, it may well be somebody have placed the black magic on your husband because it happen load human beings have a concern over the moneys, the marriage, the domicile, the relationship, can not have a infant and and so on. you could discover out approximately it if he have or not. Inshallah Allah (SWT) would be restoration your marriage artwork and supply plenty love between you and your husband, Ameen, Baji...

Answer 6

#1 You already have kids after two weeks of marriage, so you've made it clear to her that marriage vows are unimportant.

#2 She has a history of cheating, but you married her anyway, so you've made it clear that you don't really care that much if she cheats.

Shall I go on?

Don't feel too bad, though, I went through some of the same stuff in my marriage.

If you want any chance at a successful marriage, you've got to establish moral lines for yourself, stick to them, and leave her. File for divorce. Pay for the divorce. If she still wants you bad enough, she'll come back, genuinely change her ways, and things will get better. If not, what have you lost?

If you don't take this step, she'll continue to walk all over you. She doesn't think you'll make a decision.

Keep in mind that your children are watching her behavior. They know what's going on, believe me. If you don't deal with these problems, they're going to repeat them. The decisions you make now are building a foundation for your future and your childrens' futures. It's up to you what kind of foundation that will be.

Answer 7

The kids? You have kids together?

Oh, wow, what a mess.

I don't know, man, you have really made a huge life mistake. You knew that she fooled around in the past and you had kids with her and married her.

OK, face it. She's going to fool around on you her whole life. She probably can't - or won't - help herself.

I say, find a good attorney. Tell him/her your sob story, get custody of the kids, and kick this little tramp of a wife out the front door. She's no good for you and no good for the kids. Then, dedicate yourself to raising the children in the best home that you can. Hopefully, you'll find a quality woman later that will be a good wife to you and mother to your children.

Answer 8

im so sorry for u to go through that its always hard wene ur wife or husband has done somthing to loose ur trust its so hard to get it back but u have to look at it like thise ur wife most likely will probrubly do it again being that she has a history of doing it and did it so soon after marring u and u can still luv the kids and be a good farther even without being married to her i have always said if someone cheets on someone they never really luved them in the first place cuz y would any one risk the love of there life for a momentary fling

Answer 9

Working through an infidelity issue is near-crippling. The fact that she has a history of it further complicates matters. If she can't convince you that she wants to be with you, only you, and doesn't need attention from anyone else, you only stand to make slow or no progress. There are no right answers, only feelings. Counseling would be a good start. No matter what, it will take work on both of your parts to make something beautiful grow in this broken vase.

Answer 10

I am sorry to say once a cheater always a cheater. If she has a history of doing this she will continue doing it and you will always have trust issues. You can still have a relationship with the kids and not be married. Good luck.

Answer 11

Your wife has issues that you can't solve. Counseling both individual and together may help with some of the issues. Why do you keep accepting this type of behavior? Do you realize that you could DIE from her behavior. Look out for yourself because she's not!