ok.. well my question coemes from bein a wife whose husband seems to like to watch porn behind my back. tries to hide it because he knows how much it upsets me.. has never asked me to watch it with him, but swaers its not cuz i doont satisfy him its because he's a guy and its wat "guys do". But i cant stand it and he knows it.. So why is it that he can disrespect me like this and its ok i shouldn't be mad at him?
2006-12-11 14:58:10 · 21 answers · asked by bubblez330a 1 in Society & Culture ➔ Cultures & Groups ➔ Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, and Transgender
When I had a g/f, I watched porn because I had more of a sexual appetite than she did. If I can't get it, I don't mind watching it. Plus, I had to satisfy myself. Maybe that's what your husband is doing.
2006-12-11 15:27:41 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
You go ahead and be mad at him! You've asked him not to do something, and to respect your wishes, but he continues to disrespect you and go behind your back- that is not a healthy marriage, and something that could be potentially devastating to you.
Now, you should understand that my stance is that porn is natural, good, healthy, and lots and lots of fun! I, as a woman, love porn, and love people who love it. I don't see anything wrong with it, unless it is an addiction. I think it's wonderful when couples watch porn together for arousal, or alone, as well. Believe me, this is not something "that guys do", but rather, something "that a lot of people do". And honestly, it probably isn't that you don't satisfy him- I bet you do, completely- but that doesn't mean that porn doesn't hold any appeal! It's nothing about wanting to cheat on you, or not finding you as attractive as porn stars, or anything like that- it's just a change of pace, and it's hot.
I honestly think you should give porn a reconsideration, and try watching something very soft and light, more erotic than outright porn, something designed for women, by women, and see if it doesn't do anything for you. Or at least try to see what your husband watches from his point of view, without being judgemental and close-minded.
If you still don't like it afterwards, and don't want your husband to watch it, then you have a choice. You can either give him an ultimatum or let it continue. Just know that this is something he enjoys, and something you hate, and I don't feel either of you should have to give in on the matter. Rather, you should come to some sort of compromise. Just imagine if there was something you liked doing that he didn't, and wanted you to completely swear off of. Compromise really is the best. You have a right to be angry for his going behind your back and not being honest, but in the end, stop being angry and just sit down and talk, like calm, rational people, about each of your motivations and feelings, openly and honestly. That's always best.
Good luck.
2006-12-11 23:47:57 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's because our sexuality is so tied into the visual world, much more so than it is for women. We are curious too, want to know what others are doing (sexually) and even compare ourselves to other men.
Many times too, men look at porn and don't really get turned on by it -- it just becomes a big habit after while. Some men too look at it as a stress reducer of stress that has nothing to do with sex -- but then their somewhat innocent little habit gets out of control and becomes a habit, if not an addiction -- and the overuse of pornography in men is an indication of sex addiction.
I am going to be quite frank here: I think it is quite odd that he does this so freely around you. Most men make some attempt to be secretive about their over-interest in pornography. They are hesitant at times to even mention it to even their closest male buddies, for fear of redicule.
If you have children in the house, make sure they cannot get a hold of his collection. I would also suggest that he at the very least, keep it in ONE place and not spread all over the house or your bedroom. If he is starting to lay the stuff all over the place, he is violating the sactitity of your home -- and that is something you cannot allow.
You might ask him, in a non-judgmental way, how he started the habit. He may actually know he has a problem, is ashamed by it, but doesn't know where to go for help. Lots of guys start this habit in pre-adolescence or adolescence, and they never got over it, even after they became adults and got married. Remember this of all the things I have said here so far: AFTER WHILE, IT BECOMES LIKE A DRUG TO THEM. They cannot function normally without the "drug" of pornography and that is why they must seek out help to cope with their addiction.
Another thing too to remember is that men often do this when they have lost something -- a job, a friendship, a love interest, a parent, etc. It is a way for them to cope with the loss but that coping mechanism gets out of hand.
Good luck. I empathize with you. A woman, especially, should not have to go through this with her man. Rest assured though, it happens with gay couples too. Please encourage your husband to get counseling. If he could find a support group of other men who are addicted, this would be good for him also.
2006-12-12 04:37:45 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Probably for the same reason that women like to watch porn. Porn isn't just for men, I've dated a lot of women who were very into it. It may be a little strange for him to watch it alone, and not ask you. Personally, I would ask my wife to do it, if I had one. But you are just going to have to sit down with him and ask him straight out what he is getting out of it. Maybe his libido is not what it used to be, and he's looking for alternate ways of getting it back, or better, looking for new things to do with you.
Personally, I might be a little offended if I was in your situation too, but if things don't change, you really should talk to a counselor. You need to halt the problem before it gets worse, and he starts doing things outside your marriage. Just a thought.
2006-12-11 23:22:30 · answer #4 · answered by Jeffrey S 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would rather my partner watch porn then go out somewhere and cheat on me. I personally love porn. I love to watch it alone or with a partner. It is a real turn on. Have you tried watching it with him? It really makes for hot sex!
2006-12-11 23:16:02 · answer #5 · answered by itza_mea 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
yep its just what guys do, my man cant get it up without watching the porn while he has sex with me, no point in being mad, read the book men are from mars and women are from venus, you will find out a lot about the way men think compared to the way women think.
2006-12-11 23:35:21 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
He watches it because its fun, sexy and titillating....at least thats why I watch it. When my husband and I watchit together it just adds to the excitement.
He's not disrespecting you. You may not agree with him about porn but that doesn't mean he disrespecting you or your choice not to watch it. If he fluanted in your face and pressured you to watch it then he would be disrespecting you.
2006-12-12 00:44:32 · answer #7 · answered by Lauren 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i don't watch it.. i actually can't stand watching it. nothing more gross than watching other people have sex.. makes me feel left out..
guys are apparently more visual, yes, that has been cited many times.. but not me. for me, sex is supposed to be about love with the person you are with.. not about watching others..
try asking him further questions. ask him what it is about the porn that he likes..
2006-12-11 23:19:23 · answer #8 · answered by Jeff 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
DOes your husband watch gay PORN? Is that why you posted it here? Because if not you should post it in hetero-section. It would make more sense.
2006-12-11 23:06:22 · answer #9 · answered by Active Denial System™ 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Men are very visual creatures, and like to watch porn. (Why does this bother you? I don't think it shows disrespect for you.)
2006-12-11 23:01:50 · answer #10 · answered by CrankyYankee 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋