How do I tell my parents I'm dating someone much older than me when I know they aren't going to be happy?

Question

My man is 17 years older than me. I'm 21 and I am terrified of disappointing my parents, but I really love him. I know I have to tell them about him especially since we're talking about getting married, but I have no idea how. I'd truly appreciate any advice you can give me.

It's not that I'm trying to hide him. We haven't been together that long. I'm at the point where I want to tell them about him. I'm just not sure how to go about it without losing all the people I love.

Answer 1

HEY GIRLY IM IN THE SAME SITUATION AS U R IN A WAY... IM 21 AND MY MAN IS 18 YRS OLDER THEN ME, BUT DONT LOOK HIS AGE.BUT I TOLD MY PARENTS EVEN THO I KNEW THEY PROB WOULDNT LIKE THE IDEA THAT IM DATIN A OLDER MAN, BUT AFTER I TOLD THEM THEY DIDNT CARE CUZ IT WAS LY LYFE AND NOT THERES AND THEY WERENT GONNA LIVE IT FOR ME. AND BCAUSE IM AN ADULT I CAN CHOOSE WHOEVER I WANNA BE WITH AS LONG AS I AM HAPPY AND THAT HE TREATS ME RITE. SO U SHOULDNT HAVE NOTHING TO WORRY ABOUT TELLING THEM. UR AN ADULT WHO SHOULD CHOOSE WHOM EVER U WANNA BE WITH, AND THEY SHOULD BE HAPPY FOR YOU AND NOT BE AGAINST YOU. WELL GOOD LUCK ON TELLIN UR RENTS.....

Answer 2

If your parents don't know yet, my guess is that this is a fairly recent development - that is, you haven't been dating that long. And, already you are talking marriage? This is moving way too fast.

You don't need to tell your parents anything...yet.

Slow down. If this guy is rushing you, get some "distance" between you and him. Ask yourself some difficult questions like why a young woman (any young woman) would find a man who's nearly 40 attractive? "When he's 60, I'll be 42 - what will that be like?" "Will he want kids when he's 50 and I'm only 32 and still want one..or more?" And, what about his kids? (He has one or two, doesn't he?) What kind of a relationship are you going to have with them? You'll only be a few years older, right?

If after a year of dating this guy, you still think he's the one for you, introduce him to your parents and let the chips fall where they may. It's our life, not theirs. But, then wait another year before you marry. That will give you two good years of dedicated consideration of the most important decision in your life....and, you'll only be 23.

Answer 3

hey, well first off if your thinking about getting married you need to put it out there and besides its your life and your parents are going to have to accept that ya know there was never a book that says you can't be in love with an older person so if your heart says its right then go for it if your having doubts maybe wait a lil bit to see but its your life and your decision maybe it could be another lessoned learned or even a happy ending good luck
PS just be careful with making decisions only make them if your 100% sure without any doubt and you'll be fine

Answer 4

you got to tell them somehow. They are you're parents and generally just want you to be happy so if this guy makes you happy then there shouldn't be too big of a problem. If they voice any concerns listen to them and then let that be the end of it. Don't let them do it anymore after that. And let em know this is how its going to be. You don't have to make it the first thing out of your mouth. Maybe talk about other stuff first like just telling em hey i met this really great guy we have been spending lots of time together, tell em how long you have been seeing him. Give them other information like that and pop it in there somewhere.

Answer 5

Your parents might act like they are disappointed in you, but as my mom told me many times, "you will understand once you have a child" She was right. The only thing your parents want for you is what is best, it may not seem like way they think is best, but they are looking at this rationally. As with you, your thinking and feeling from your heart, and what ever your parents say, you'll think it's wrong. Please really look at what is going on in your life. Ask yourself why did I choose to be with someone so much older? And ask the same about him. You are so young, live life . It is only just beginning. Really listen to what your parents have to say, and don' t just blow way they feel off, trust me, they are only thinking of their little girl.

Answer 6

You are an adult, and wise choice or not, it's yours to make...their concern is that he's basically old enough to be your father and such gaps in age can carry great differences...

...too often middle aged men go after women your age in an effort to regain their youth and to boost their ego (that a cute young thing finds them appealing)...your maturity levels are different (or should be), life experiences different, you're just entering adulthood and figuring out what you want out of life, he should be well set in his career, your tastes in music, movies, books, pop culture, etc are likely to be much different...

Your folks realize these things and want you to be happy, and won't like the idea that you may be with someone who they think may not be with you for who you are (inside)...but for how he feels about himself when he's with you (and the sex)...

Be honest with them, but try to understand their side and it's because they care about you...and they are of an age to have a better idea of what might be going on in this guy's head than you, since they've been his age before...

Answer 7

First of all, is your man a divorcee? Cos if he is, then your parents will surely very disappointed...but you still have to tell them the true and get your man to win them over. No matter what you are the one who spend your life with this guy not your parents. Best wishes to you!

Answer 8

My best friends bf is 15 years older then her. He treats her very well and she is head over heels in love with him they have now been together for almost 6 years. I'll admit when she told me about him I referred to him as "the old guy" anytime I asked about him but that has changed. She was afraid to introduce him to her family mostly to her mother because he has children and has been divorced and that would not go over well with her mother who doesn't believe in divorce. I kept telling her that sure the age will shock her folks but they love her and want her to be happy and if she's happy that is all that matters. They finally met Eric and they now love him too and his age isn't such an issue. First her father who is the "easy going none judgmental one" met him then her mother. Maybe introducing him to them separately will work for you as it did for my friend

Answer 9

If you are 21 years old, you are an adult and capable of making your own decisions. You are acting like a little child so you need to grow up. I am sorry to say that I don't see much hope in this relationship, sweetie.......this guy is 38 and you are afraid to tell your parents.....what is wrong with this picture????

Answer 10

if you love him tell them. im sure they would get over it and realise how much you love him and that he loves you and that he is a good person. its better to tell them, because everything always comes out some how. do it for him, if you love him. good luck spilling out the truth to your parents.