i have been with my wife for 11 years now only married for 6.we dated all though high school and we have always been together,but within the last year she has grow very distent from me and is telling me she now wants to start living her life and feels i am holding her back.i feel after being together this long and having two kids that we should be concentrating on our family and making it work.am i wrong in feeling this way?
2006-12-11 14:40:20 · 29 answers · asked by mustangfordlover 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
i'd say let her go. let her search for her happiness. if in the end, her search leads back to you - and you're still there - then what a happy ending. if not, then it's definitely better than having the person you care about resenting you forever because you held her back.
2006-12-11 14:51:02 · answer #1 · answered by Bubuchachum 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
You are right you need to consider talking to your wife about some counselling she may be dealing with some things in her life you have no idea about. It's time you get a babysitter and have a night on the town and discuss what she may going through. Remember your vows at this time through good and bad times
through sickness and health etc. etc. This is a time you have be strong for the whole family meaning that do not allow this situation to tear apart what you have. Talk to her the basis of any strong relationship is good communication listen to her dont cut her off just go somewhere quiet and let her speak from the heart
better just the two of you. She may also feel that she gave up alot of her younger years getting together and having kids and was never able to finish her goals in life help her furfill some of her dreams and by doing that she may have a renewed spark in her life and your marriage.
2006-12-11 22:52:14 · answer #2 · answered by Livinrawguy 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You sound like a good guy. Iwent through the same situation. We have a son together.Just baught a new home,and new car.Amonth after I baught these things She decides she wants to be with her ex-boyfriend after we have been together for 7.5 yrs. Like a fool I did everything to make it work.Gave her everything she wanted, Money,Cars ,Trips,expensive jewellery.It didn't matter.After a while it wasn't about me and her anymore.It was about my son.I knew if she leaves he will be going with her,and there isnt anything I could do, Until we went to court.......What Iam trying to tell you is theres nothing you can do to change her mind.you will only hurt yourself in progress.You do not want to be with someone that can just walk away from you and start over like you don't exist.Iwould put my efforts towards your childeren and fight like hell to keep them....I did and won!!!! Someday your wife if Ican call her that will realize the mistake she Made.....You just make sure that she can't make this mistake with you again...Find someone that loves you for you, That will be there during the hard times,and not tuck her tail between her legs and run when ever she needs a change of scenery....I would give your current wife a change of scenery right now, The curb!!!! Good Luck...And try to have a good Christmas atleast for your kids!!!
2006-12-11 23:14:26 · answer #3 · answered by rush 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well All I can tell you is how I feel, being at stay at home Mom for 12 years myself.....
What she is feeling is the lack of "personal goals".....She probably had goals, things she wanted to do even dreamed about doing since she was young, but she has put everything in her life on hold for her family.....Now the children are older and she finds herself having more free time....I think if you let her pursue what she wants, give her the space she needs, she will love you even more than you ever thought.....She will feel that you take her dreams and goals seriously and you will have a much happier Wife, Mother and friend....Good luck to you and I hope the best for you and your family....
2006-12-11 22:52:46 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
No you are not wrong in feeling this way. How long has it been since you two have had special time for yourselves. Sometimes after a long time together you start taking each other for granted. May I recommend a great book: The 5 Love Languages. Each of us give and receive love in different ways (and in time sometimes that way changes). Example: If you are showing your love by giving her something but she really feels loved when you tell her who much you appreciate her, she is not feeling the love... Read the book and it might give you an insight on how to show her you love her. And maybe rekindle that flame you once had.
2006-12-11 22:52:03 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
No, you are not wrong wishing to keep your family together. You are at least now 25, right? Why does she want out of your marriage? would be the question. Usually it's because she has a guy on the side... In your place, I'd find out a bit more, even if it meant snooping around at her work, or where ever. In that case, of course, you are dealing with betrayal -- THE deal buster in a marriage. So, no you're not wrong, but in your place, I'd not be taking "you are holding me back" for any final answer....
2006-12-11 22:53:35 · answer #6 · answered by April 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No. Sometimes people do not realize how good they have it until they loose it. It sounds like your wife doesn't know what she has. Perhaps you could open her eyes by taking a walk down memory lane. Take a vacation away from the kids and do something special. Above all talk to your wife, having a marriage, children does not stop someone living their life. I wish you and your family the best.
2006-12-11 22:56:25 · answer #7 · answered by Lore 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Start with therapy. I've been here before.... Ask her what she thinks she wants to do with her life. Maybe all she wants to do is go back to school or a new career. Help her achieve this and she will stay. It is probably near the 7 year itch. Take her on a vacation or 2nd honeymoon to respark the interests. She is obviously being or feeling that there is no structure in her life and she is seaking for that.
2006-12-11 22:49:36 · answer #8 · answered by Sheila 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Been there did that.
That was one of the most traumatic times of my life. Until then I thought that if I wanted something bad enough and tried hard enough I could get it. I could make it happen. I would have pissed on a spark plug if I though it would help. I think you know the feeling. The woman had decided to leave and there wasn't anything I could do.
There have been many enjoyable relationships after that. Life does goes on.
2006-12-11 23:05:49 · answer #9 · answered by Sam 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm sorry but there is probably nothing you can do but let her go. When partners do not grow at the same rate or in the same direction, you end up as two very different people than you were in the beginning. It might be tempting to stay together for your kids, but you won't be doing them any favors in the long run.
2006-12-11 22:47:38 · answer #10 · answered by art_tchr_phx 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
no you are not wrong but if she is dead set on leaving don't run behind her suck it up,(cry in private). and let her go . in time you may find it was for the best. pursuing her will serve to push her further away,so chill as much as you can , and don't let her see you sweat. a tough road lies ahead for you,take your time and take care of yourself,noone else can or will.i hate to say it but she may have a lover now and it's exciting,it won't last once the sneaking is over so is the excitement. be cool my man,been there,be cool.she will hate that you are being so agreeable and easy going and she may take a new look at you and it may just be too late.
2006-12-11 23:27:15 · answer #11 · answered by looken4answers 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋