Is anyone like this?

Question

People seem really indifferent to me. I know they don't hate me because I'm really nice to everybody but I'm also very quiet and shy and can't talk to people much, I think I have that social anxiety disorder. Like I always seem like I'm the last one they pick to talk to or be in a group, and it's not like they don't like me they respect me it's just they seem really indiffernet. I have an easier time talking to people and they seem to like talking to me, just small talk, when its just me and another person in a room. But it seems like if someone else is in a room, just one other person, they just start to have a conversation with them, barely acknowledging I'm there. I mean they don't mind if I say something but it's just like they forgot about me. It's wierd because half the time you think people like you and half the time you're worried they hate you. They really do like me though for the most part, it's just like they forget about me sometimes, like I'm not last choice because they hate me I'm last choice just because they;re just closer to other people. They don't feel uncomfortable with me because they know I won't judge them. I mean I don't really want close relationships with people, honestly, but I don't know, I just like to have small talk with people sometimes or just a little more respect or something. But I suppose it's sort of my fault too. Is anyone else like this?

Answer 1

You sound a lot like me. I tell people I am anti-social, which I suppose is technically correct, but I'm not really. I can function in just about any social setting and can carry on a normal, mostly intelligent conversation with anyone on any subject. For the most part however, I just go with the flow and rarely speak unless I'm spoken to. I tend to be the person in the background, but those who know me, and I am sure its true with you, know that when I do speak, I'm usually correct in what I say. Louis L'Amour often wrote in his novels that you learn a heck of a lot more about people and life in general by just sitting and listening. I guess that's the way I am, and I try very very hard never to judge anyone until they have proven themselves one way or the other.

Hope this helps. And best of luck to you. Be a little more open with yourself and with others and you'll find out you mean more to people than you think.

Answer 2

"Why don't you just start talking to people"...if it was that easy...I'm sure you and I would've done that by now. I'm like you. I think because I don't talk a lot, and don't really open up to people, they don't really know me too well. I guess they don't think I want to talk, which is sometimes the case, but I never want to be the first to start a conversation. I've always been this way, but I don't think you have social anxiety disorder, because that involves panic attacks I think.

We're just not comfortable with people we don't know. It takes me a while to talk to someone when I'm new, but once I get to know them, I can feel like myself, and I "break out of my shell." I can get loud. I also observe a lot, so I'm told. I really don't have much desire to talk to people who I don't care to know, and people have asked, why don't you talk? I really want to tell them, "why would I want to talk to YOU?"

Maybe some people get the impression that we don't want to talk to them, and therefore we don't. But that's not always true. We're complicated, I know! I feel more comfortable with someone who approaches me, I guess because it makes me feel like they want to know me, or hear what I have to say. I don't know...it sucks but I guess we have to deal with the way we are. Just try to throw youself into activities where you kind of have to get to know people. It'll help you feel less shy.

And like the first commenter said---they're thinking about themselves, not you---this is so true...because you see, you're thinking of how awkward you are, and I am too.

Look on the bright side, when you're quiet, you hear a lot of dirt about people. That's always fun!

Answer 3

Why do you suppose it is your fault? Are you unapproachable? Awkward? I think that is normal. Some people DO feel more anxious than others in a social setting. It takes practice. And you have to ALWAYS keep reminding yourself that people aren't thinking about you as much as you think they might be!!

Answer 4

You may have a nervousness or anxiety issue.

Perhaps its something in your body language that stop people from approaching you?

Why don't you just start talking to people? :)

Answer 5

You sound like an Introverted Feeler to me. If you are, it's a perfectly normal and valid temperament.

Answer 6

I used to be. If you want more conversation, it's YOUR responsibility. If you don't take the initiative, no one is suddenly going to decide to take it for you.

Answer 7

You couldnt have described me beter. Dont try to change, its just your nature.