I need serious advice?
I am a woman who has fall in love with another woman and the feeling is mutual. We love each other but this is the problem. We right now live 3000 miles away and we both have ties in our area. She has a 10 yr old daughter who is doing very good in school and she does not want to uproot her, she is afraid that she may mess up her schooling and plus her friends she has there. Mine is I have a married daughter and a grandson who even though she is married. I am her only family she has. And my daughter would be devasted since I am her only family. If i moved that far away. Tell me who should make the move and why. I need a impartial opioion here. Sometimes choices can be difficult.
2006-12-11 14:17:38 · 17 answers · asked by eca1094 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
this sounds like a lose lose situation on both ends, but hey, love often seems to be that way huh? : )
you could look at it two ways: because her daughter is so young, she could easily adapt to a new location, it may be good for her. if you honestly know in your heart that the daughter would not adapt well though, dont make her move. your daughter (as you probably would expect me to say) is grown and might be able to deal with your absence and im sure she may understand if you are honestly in love with this woman.
you could also look at it in a purely logical sense: what city/area is better for you two as a couple? better jobs? which area has better schools for the daughter? better state for colleges (she may want in-state tuition later on down the road)? which area may be more accepting of a same-sex couple? better housing prices? the list goes on, but you get the idea.
if nothing works, dont give up on it. hit up those web specials on southwest airlines and make it a long distance relationship (although not fun, can be done).
best of luck to you and your loved ones.
2006-12-11 14:24:49 · answer #1 · answered by circlecirclesquare 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No one should move until you actually spend some real time together in person and make sure you really know each other like you think you do. If that part checks out you should make the move because a married woman is far more established than a ten year old girl. If your daughter is someone you see a couple of times a week then it might do her some good to be a little more independant. You can still visit several times a year and the phone is a very cheap, easy and personal to feel connected. You raised your child now live a little.
2006-12-11 14:24:15 · answer #2 · answered by Pilgrim 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
while you think you may love each other, unless you have spent some serious time together, not just the odd week or so, in my opinion, this is not really a good foundation for a relationship. If you are a closeted gay person and/or she is too, then you risk causing all kinds of new traumas in either or both family's. Most long distance relationships will not succeed and when either moves, if it doesn;t work out, then you have forfeited your life investments and may be trapped in a new area with no support system.
2006-12-11 14:41:05 · answer #3 · answered by casurfwatcher 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think that you should make the move if you want to be with her . I know you dont want to leave your daughter but she has her life now . You can always visit and so can she . The woman that you love has a young child in school and I would think that having to share her mother with someone else should be enough change for now .
I know it will be hard to move but you have to make some tough choices sometimes .
2006-12-11 14:21:30 · answer #4 · answered by niknak 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Does your daughter know you are gay? If not she may be really hurt you decide to uproot and move for a woman. That's kind of alot at once. Maybe make this a slow process tell her about your lover and then if you still want to move do it after a while.
2006-12-11 14:24:55 · answer #5 · answered by TEXAS MOM 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your daughter is an adult. Even though you may be the only family she has in the area she is an adult and able to live life on her own. The other women does have a child to consider. I would say it would be the easiest for you to move then the other women.
2006-12-11 14:19:58 · answer #6 · answered by Issym 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I believe if you two are meant to be together, you will be. You may really like her or be really infatuated with her. If it is true love, you would find a way to be together in spite of all the "ties" you both have on both ends of the country. You need to think about the priorities in your life. What is more important? Love (true love) and the pursuit of your happiness or family?
2006-12-11 14:21:39 · answer #7 · answered by No Perm 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Both of you should move half way. If neither of you is willing to compromise, go back to the drawing board and reevaluate your relationship. When you truly love someone, you'd move heaven and earth to be with them. If this is not the case, then you should both move on. If you are both putting other people's needs before your own, you need to think twice about the seriousness of your relationship.
2006-12-11 14:41:37 · answer #8 · answered by mpicky2 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You have a married daughter that you can visit. Including your grandchild. Time to live your life. Go on a trial basis.
2006-12-11 14:20:32 · answer #9 · answered by mich 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
impartial decision would mean I would compromise
right from wrong....being a queer is wrong man or woman.
You should not confuse connecting with a person to being
in love with them. You can love who people are and become great freinds without becoming intimate with them in a sinful nature.
2006-12-11 14:30:22 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋