*Really* Worried About My Daughter...?

Question

My daughter is 16 years old, and you're going to laugh, but I'm seriously worried about her and the way she thinks. She's always been very independent minded and intelligent, but I don't think she's putting those traits to good use. She has no empathy with ANYBODY. When she heard on the news about a man going on a killing spree by running pedestrians over with an SUV, she found that funny. She doesn't see why people cry over hungry children. She steals, lies, and never feels any guilt whatsoever. She actually stole a wallet from a man in a wheelchair! She says the only reason she would never murder anybody is because it's illegal and she doesn't want to go to prison. She is OBSESSED with the movie Natural Born Killers (I found an online blog she was trying to keep from me - saying Mallory and Mickey were the perfect couple.) Also obsessed with Grand Theft Auto and guns...for the "power" they hold. She has never had friends. I tried grounding her, but is it a mental illness??

Ironically, she is very levelheaded and has never been arrested - she says her aim in life is to make tons of money, and she doesn't care who she has to step on to get on top. I just don't understand why she NEVER cares for anybody and is such a callous person...I didn't raise her to be like this.

When I say obsessed about guns, I mean just drawing them and stuff...she has never physically hurt a fly...but she is VERY dishonest, and a very angry girl.

Answer 1

I would agree, you should be concerned. I am not a psychologist so keep that in mind. But she sounds like she has a psychopathic personality or sociopath. I am not trying to hurt you here. It is just that I had a relationship with a guy who sounds a lot like her. I was emotionally abused. He had no empathy at all for anyone! I suggest talking to a family doctor. And from there you can get some ideas. Perhaps he can refer you to a therapist. Take care, and I do mean it :)

Answer 2

It seems like she feels very unimpowered in her life, & is also bitter about the state of the world.

When I was 10-15 I was much like that. I still thing a killing spree is amusing - I'd feel bad if it happened to someone I know, but i can't handle getting upset with everything in the world, there's just too much greif.

She feels she has the right to cheat, lie & steal beacuse the world has been so unfair to her. If her life sucks, WHY should she be nice, it's not getting her anywhere?

You say she has never had friends - well then why not be hedonistic? No one else is doing anything good for her.

I'd say she needs to get some friends who care about her. I don't know how you can help with this. A therapist might also be good to validate her problems and let her think things through. They aren't miracle workers though & if she has no motivation to change, she wont.

If your daughter is so intelligent, try & sit down with her calmly & listen to the reasons she has for doing what she does, without judging.

Answer 3

This is a girl that is putting up a very strong front because she wants to push people away. She is trying to figure out who she is and at this point in time she does not feel very powerful. She is engaging in activities where she has the opportunity to either be dominant or appear as dominant in conversation. People who are actually psychotic would not flash it in such a dramatic fashion. I have a feeling that she feels very alone right now in an area she does not feel comfortable discussing. The problem that is caused at this point in a teens life is getting them to open up. There are not many people she may feel comfortable opening up. Just let you actions show that you love and respect her. Let here know that she is accepted. Words will not work here. Put her in situations where she can succeed and give her increasing responsibility for something she cares about. She needs to find herself or she could easily retreat behind the wall and hide in dark statements and pseudo obsessions sold by social roll models.
I think she'll scare you, but she is probably just a good kid trying to scare people away till she figures some things out

Answer 4

That's actually very common in the age group of anywhere from 14 to 20 years of age. From being only seventeen, I've had pleanty of experiance with, and developed a sort-of understanding of this type of person. Generally they listen to violent music, they don't have much of any reguard for others, yet the good part is that she hasn't and will most likely never actually hurt anybody physically. She will probably have a lot of luck with success in certain areas of life if she developes a sense of how to use her traits to her own power, without stealing and hurting others in other ways than just physical. Just have a level-headed talk with her, and be sure not to act condescending, but also make your points clear. there's a good chance that she will understand you, as long as you can understand her.

Answer 5

Yes, therapy and more therapy. She sounds very much like she has an anti-social personality disorder. If she has been that way since childhood, she probably is. If she got that way recently, perhaps something happened to cause her to feel this way. Either way, get her into therapy...and if it doesn''t help, switch to another therapist and another and another. You have good reason to worry here but you must act now without delay.
You haven't said why she is so angry. Do you have any idea? Has anyone abused her in any way? Neglect? Has she been raped? She may prefer, at this time, not to tell her parents which is one reason you need the therapist. But hopefully it isn't one of her parents who damaged her. Perhaps another family member? I certainly don't mean to blame any innocent parties, just bringing up possibilities to consider.
Take her directly to either the best and highest recommended therapist in your community, or a psychiatrist who is highly recommended or any primary care doctor who is also highly regarded...they will make an excellent referral if they are good.
But if you get stuck with a mediocre one, keep on trying and don't give up...she will likely not change without lots of intervention.
Oh a nother thought is drug/alcohol abuse.

Answer 6

Hi There, It could be a attention seeking, however, not to be taken lightly and attention should be given. My 15 yr old younger 1/2 bro (19 years younger) is obsessed with talking about guns, Marilyn Manson and general Goth mania. He has been to a psychologist 2 or 3 times due to his more dangerous obsession...attempting suicide. Now, by no means is this a "phase that he'll just grow out of". I think that is what my dad and his wife are hoping though. If it were my child I would be giving him more support than he gets at present from my father (his mother gives more support). I would never laugh at something like this. It is serious. I do strongly believe it to be mental dis-ease. Who could be at ease with obsessive thoughts like this. Seek psychological help.

Answer 7

I too, am 15 going on to 16, and I sincerely hope that your daughter is undergoing a passing fade where she will grow up to be more compassionate. I know of people who are similar to your daughter, and can understand your feelings somehow.

I don't really think it is a mental illness, for you have mentioned that she is level-headed, independent and intelligent. Teenage years is the passing to adulthood from childhood, and it is the passing years where the hormones grow and develop. This may be a particularly tough time for your daughter, so take some time to talk to her, and listen to whatever she wants to say. It may be her way of trying to hide some emotional scars.

I wish you all the best!

Answer 8

She's a psychopath. You should read the book, "Without Conscience--the disturbing world of the psychopaths among us" by Robert D. Hare, PhD. Hide the book from her; don't let her know you're reading it. He described psychopaths as being "emotion blind" in the same manner as people can be color blind. They don't feel emotions as the rest of us do.

Until you get the book, read this article:
http://www.slate.com/id/2099203/

I'm very sorry, there doesn't seem to be anything you can do to 'fix' her. What you can do is accept that she's an exceptionally dangerous, destructive and manipulative person, protect yourself and warn others. If you're aware that she's broken laws, don't protect her. Go to the authorities and turn her in. You said she steals, and stole a wallet from a man in a wheelchair. In the corporate scandals like Enron, many people who thought they were set for retirement lost it all. Those people were able to do it because they are 'sub-criminal psychopaths', but look at the pain they inflicted on others.

You really should discuss this with a psychiatrist that understands the condition in order to deal with it yourselves. You and the rest of your family need to understand what you must do to protect yourselves from her at this point. With a child like this, I'd feel entirely justified to not allow her use of a car because of the potential liability. I also wouldn't lift a finger to help her get higher education that she could use against others, and I'd consider blocking her from any inheritance or life insurance proceeds, especially if she presently knows she's a beneficiary. I'd feel entirely justified in spying on her and going through her room on a regular basis. Yes, I know it's harsh. I work with one, and they have no compassion. And don't accept apologies or apparently turning a new leaf. Read the article.

I really am very sorry; I'm sure you care for her but the feeling isn't being returned and that's how someone like this controls people. Read the article, get the book, look for a psychiatrist with knowledge in this field so he can help you can lay plans to protect yourself.

This is not your fault. There is nothing you did to bring this about. Yes, it's a mental illness. So far, there's no foreseeable treatment, let alone a cure.

Answer 9

Oh Bless You Dear Concerned Mother! My heart goes out to you because I am in kinda similiar situation. You need to TAKE ACTION and do what you need to do so that YOU can live with a clean conscience in the years ahead to know that you did all you could do. Getting her AND you into a solid Christian Bible preaching church is the only thing that will make any lasting impact. Ours is not a war against flesh and blood, but against spirits and principalities". Our teens are very vulnerable at this stage and we are exhausted just from getting them THIS far..eah! I could not do it without my Christian family at church. I happen to attend a Brethern in Christ church that I have found to be the most solid and balanced I have ever seen. And believe me, I have seen a lot of churchs. Take care of yourself FIRST, so you have what it takes for the long haul. Kinda like in the airplane...you must take the oxygen first before being able to care for others. I will be praying for you....Get the book by Dr. James Dobson 'TOUGH LOVE" it will be a lifesaver for you.

Answer 10

It is obvious that she's going through a difficult phase. There isn't anybody on here that can actually make a difference. She needs professional help. Make an appointment with her school guidance counselor. Tell him everything you are dealing with. He/she can evaluate your daughter and give a referral. Also her pediatrician or General practitioner can do it if you don't want the school to know your business. I suggest you do this ASAP. This behavior is disturbing. Don't give it time to escalate.