What do you do when your stepkids are disrespectful towards you and their mom?

Question

I have been with my lady going on 10 years and I love her kids like they were my own, although I do not feel bonded to them as I do my daughter with her. In large part because they are very spoiled and disrespectful towards their mom even though she does everything for them! My question is how do you handle a situation like this when you aren't their father but you want to open a can of whoopass for them. I have stressed to my lady for years that treating your kids like your their friend is a mistake and not to even attempt to do it with our daughter, she will have plenty of friends I told her and thank God she has listened but the other two are horrible, she could be sick with chest pains and they agitate her further. I am at my wits end because they aren't mine and I feel that her tactics of screaming and yelling are not productive at all, I would take their tv time away, videogames, toys, priveleges in general untill they respect but she says that is extreme, anyone agree?

Answer 1

Ask your lady if she will allow you to take the lead regarding discipline for a month. See if the behaviors change. Agree that it will be your judgement call when to step in and what discipline will be put in place.

I couldn't do it either. My man disciplines my son while I stand behind him and watch. It sounds weird, but he takes the lead, and I am within my son's eyesight so that he sees that I agreee. (No hands. He does not lay hands on my child.) Progress is slow. I battle guilt, and the love of my child. I am learning to reinforce the discipline.

Ask your lady to stop raising her voice to the children. She should be able to make a reasonable request. If they do not comply, then make your call.

I think the only reason this works for us is because he is always right. He has a son a year younger who does not have my son's behaviors. I trust his judgement. Make sure this trust is in place. It's a tough call, but can be done. Kudos to you for making the effort.

Answer 2

If you two have not agreed in 10 years how to discipline children in your house it's going to be pretty hard to do it now. That being said, being "just a step" doesn't mean you can't live in peace in your own home.

The kids are at least 10 years old now and probably a little older. If that's the case, it's time to sit down with them and talk about actions and consequences. You and your wife must have a plan and then let the kids have a tiny bit of input. Then you both stick to the plan.

Let any consequences you put in place be enforceable. For example, forbidding friends over while you're at work is impossible. Having a big list of chores that must be done before you get home will be enforceable. Even if the other kids are there it's likely they'll all be helping and not getting in to trouble.

When my stepson was 13 or so we assured him that certain behaviors would result in his nintendo games being removed from the house and stored with someone without kids until such time as things straightened out.

The kid loved nintendo. We never had major problems.

Answer 3

If someone had ever wrote a book telling what is would be like to be a step parent there would be a lot less people getting married into blended families. Most of what happens is," these are my kids and you don't discipline my kids." Either that or you end up playing Good Cop, Bad Cop. Neither work. If you both can't stand together against these kids, you will be doomed to grey hair and high blood pressure. Depending on YOUR situation, you might want to try getting the ex involved. Just make sure that the ex isn't the source of all this disrespect. How old are these kids?

Answer 4

Your House Your Rules!
Take complete control in your own home, and make sure that the step kids have options, follow your directions, or be placed in a behavioral facility to work on their behaviors in the home, and the disrespectful nature they have on authority.
Make the father even take them in his home, and be his problem!
You know, my husband makes it very clear with my kids, the rules and regulations of the home, he does takes the videos games and etc and throws it in the trash, trashy clothing for the teen girls are trashed, trashed music literics, he has complete control of the home, and ain't nobody going to be the king in our household except him,and same goes the queen, ME, I will be respected and will not accept any unappriated behaviors!
It takes a team to do this, on both parties, husband and wife to make this strict decision, to keep and maintain a safe, and even boring household, without all the drama!

Answer 5

I kinda like the can a whoop *** idea, but since that wont do, its time you take charge, her way isn't working, and while she may not mind being disrespected by her kids you however arnt going to take it anymore. Call a family meeting and inform entire family of how bad behavior will be dealt with in the future... And you can always try family counseling. GOOD LUCK!

Answer 6

here is my views on blended families ( been married twice into them),, Step kids secretly hold in their hearts the want of their parents getting back together, they feel if they love you then they are betraying their real parent,

my second wife whom I just divorced always acted like a friend to her kids, and never a parent, the oldest now 26 is a meth addict her second 24 yo daughter is a drunk,, the third might make it in the world but always kept her distance from her family and the youngest son has been starting to show the traits of a drunk and drug user,, to show off to his friends and hero older brother,, the father never has put his two cents in or given a darn about them,

Answer 7

not truly. there's a accepted of splendor that you want, and this is in elementary words organic that you aspire to it. do exactly not ignore that it appears like you're already eye-catching the way you're, and that in her personal way your mom is only too- and then you will be able to not ought to rigidity about being disrespectful in any respect.

Answer 8

no, make them mature in any way possible, of course without overstepping your boundarys. Convince their mother that, since clearly they're teenagers from the question, they are old enough to learn how to take responsibility for their actions and be respectful. My kid's a little bastard too... it worked for him!

Answer 9

I agree....I'm not sure how old they are but unless you nip it in the bud, their behavior will only get worse...there needs to be consequences for their bad behavior....if it is ok to treat mom and her husband like this, how do you think they will treat other adults and authority figures???? Bad business and bad parenting....good luck

Answer 10

After 10 years I think you have become instant dad I would say take away their privileges put your foot down