My parents might get a divorce. I don't know whether to confront them and tell of my feelings. What do I do?

Question

At first it all seemed good. The perfect family. We were richin happiness. But my mom goes out all the time. She usally stays out till 2, 3, or even 4 in the morning. Everytime she comes home late I can hear them fighting in there room. Like yesterday I heard my dad saying that he was looking at apartments, and that my mom should too. Then I confronted my mom today and she just said that they may do a trial seperation. Just for a day or two. Is that supposed to make me feel better. She also added that she and my dad would be having a "talk" about this with my brothers and me soon. I don't want them getting a divorce, it makes me wanna cry just thinking about it.

Answer 1

My parents are still married after 48 years, so I can't say I know how you feel. I'm sure you're confused and scared. Something you need to remember - this is between the two of them. They will not love you any less. Clearly there is an issue between the two of them and if your mom is staying out late, then the problem may lie in her behavior.

Though you don't want them to get divorced, it may end up being the best thing. Is it better to live with both of them when they're both miserable and unhappy with that misery and unhappiness spilling over onto the rest of the family, or would you rather share visitation with them and have two happy households?

I hope they can work it out, and that things turn out well for you.

Good luck, and try to have a Merry Christmas!

Answer 2

Ohhh, I am so sorry. You must feel awful. I understand. I have been there too. My parents got a divorce and it seemed like the end of the world to me in a way. But you know what, looking back, now I am glad they did it because they were really miserable together and all the fighting was even worse than having them live apart. At least I got to see them both (still do) and they were much happier. So, if this is going to happen, then cry because it does hurt, but don't let you and your brothers fall apart. It will be ok. They will be happy. Things will calm down a lot. You guys can be with them both. And your own lives will get back to normal. Find someone you trust who is an adult and talk about how you feel. That is always a good thing to do. And remember: if they do divorce, it is NOT because of you guys. This is all about them. It effects you all, but ultimately it is up to them to work it out. I will say a prayer for you. I am happy now, you will be too one day soon.

Answer 3

Trapper,

I'm sorry for what you are probably about to go through. I don't know how old you are, but if you are old enough to understand how these things work, I might be able to help you lose some of the pressure you're feeling.

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First AND FOREMOST - REMEMBER THIS ALWAYS !!


IT'S NOT YOUR FAULT - IT'S NOT THE FAULT OF YOUR BROTHERS, EITHER.
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Your Mom & Dad are going through something that 52% of the married population goes through. Some get back together while others don't.

I suggest that you find an adult counsellor at school, church, or as a last resort, an adult relative who will be honest with you that you can talk to so you can unload. Things could go smoothly, or depending on your parents, they could get ugly. Remember that BOTH your parents love you very much and what they are going through has nothing to do with you. In other words, whatever the outcome, it should not change how they feel toward you and your brothers. Likewise, they are your parents and you should still look up to them as such.

Don't get caught up in head games that make you choose one over the other (this goes for your brothers, too). Don't be played one against the other.

I went through a rather messy one, myself. My son was 5 when it happened, and today, my Son is 20 yrs old. Through it all, he became an EAGLE SCOUT, graduated High School with Honors, and now attends one of the most prestigeous colleges in the country on a full scholarship. He has matured well past his 20 year numerical age because, although his mom & I split and had our differences, we never allowed our fight to impact him in any way. I'm not saying it was easy, because it wasn't. It took a lot of work, some counselling and a whole lot of patience.

You'll get through. Believe me.

Good Luck

Answer 4

aww! How sad! Of course you don't want your parents to get a divorce, that's only natural. but you have to think about what life would be like knowing that your parents may be ready to go on their own separate ways and you want them to stay together. Trust me, it won't work!! Parents can NOT repair or hold on to a marriage to try and keep the kids happy. While you may be happy that they're together, their personal lives would be a mess and eventually, it would make like at home unbearable. I still encourage you to confront your parents about this. It's only fair that if you can't have the final say so (and you won't) that at least your feelings are taken into account before final decisions are made. I'm not promising that they will do whatever you want, but your thoughts and feelings in this matter are just as important as theirs. A trial separation isn't the worst thing in the world. Perhaps they need the time apart to consider a number of things and the separation period will only help in having them come to a positive (not saying that means the way you want to) conclusion about their lives together as a married couple.

Answer 5

Divorce sucks, doesn't it. It's hard on the entire family. A trial separation may work; it may not. I'd wait for the "talk" and see what they have to say. Unfortunately, children are just along for the ride. I agree with the others, stay out of it-ENTIRELY. If one parent asks for your opinion or has something ugly to say about the other, ignore it or say, "that's between you two". You don't want to be stuck in the middle of it. All you can do right now is hope for the best and plan for the worst. You may want to try talking to your school guidance counselor as a way to get through all of this. Take care and good luck.

Answer 6

Comming from someone whose mother has been through 2 devorces and about to be 3rd marriage. It sucks. But, telling them how you feel and letting them know how it is affecting you is the best option. Sometimes people grow apart, and its never the children whos to blame. Don't ever let your feelings become buried. Talk to someone. Your parents getting a devorce might be a good thing though. No more fighting, more time spent with the individual parent. And you know you'll always have another place to stay when things get rough. Also, if you want to cry, cry. Things become a lot more clear when you let your emotions go.

I hope everything works out for you! Best of luck.

Answer 7

Sounds like your mom is being really selfish going out like that and hurting your dad. She sounds like she's made the decision already. Sorry about the mess adults can make in a child's life. Seek out a counsellor and find books for children whose parents are going through divorce or separation. Don't give up on marriage though as it's a good idea when couples are committed to each other.

Answer 8

You don't state your age, but that really doesn't matter. My parents divorced when I was an adult after 33 years of marriage. For the children and family, it is never easy. While I am not necessarily a supporter of divorce, it is a fact of life and does happen to the best of us.

First thing to realize is that it is not your fault or your brothers fault. Your parents are adults and are responsible for their own actions and decisions.

Secondly, don't try to fix them. You may not know everything behind their decision. The best thing you can do is to love both of your parents, and reserve any judgement or blame. Hang in there.

Answer 9

I feel your pain and confusion. If there is anything that is a real tragedy about divorce, it's the effect it has on the children. Your best bet is to stay out of it and don't take sides. Let them work out their problems which have nothing to do with you. NOTHING.

You cannot change reality, only your reaction to the reality. You'll have to dig deep into your soul to get through this. Divorce is one of the things that seem to happen quite a bit nowadays.

Answer 10

Unfortunately, as much as you may want to try and help your parents get back on track in their marriage. It is something that they will have to work out by themselves. However, I do think that you should tell your parents how you feel. They need to know that it's not just them that is being affected and going through all of this... but you and your brothers as well! Sometimes, parents don't realize how much their actions affects their children. Talk to both of your parents together along with your brothers and tell them how you feel... if you can't get them together to talk to them, write a letter... You need to let go, and not keep you feelings bottled up. God Bless... and I will keep you in my prayers!