My ex boyfriend the father of my soon to be child will not sit down to talk about what we should do about it?

Question

My ex says he cant support a child and give it the life he would like to give it. but i cant have an abortion i had one when i was 16 and i promise myslef i would never do that again. Im being selfish or is he? I think that we can make it work and support a child with no promblem but everythime we talk about it he gets upset and then he leaves school to go home and i feel so alone but i dont know how to make a decision or get him to sit still. Someone help me....

Answer 1

Give him a little time, but mostly- decide what YOU are going to do- without him in the picture. he can always say he will stay and the leave, or leave and decide to come back. You need to prepare for raising this child alone honey. I did it and it is very hard. But you cannot make him stay around any more than you can control the weather. So make your choice and tell him that is what is happening and if he can't stick around, you will find a man someday that will!
I did- 7 years later. But what a catch I found!

Answer 2

Look girlie, you made the same mistake you made last time, but you dont need to make it worse.

You have made another child with a man who is not only uncommitted to you, but even less committed to a child. You dont kill the child because the father wont commit. You put it up for adption if you cannot handle raising it alone, or you take the man to court and get child support from him.

Sitting around waiting for him to some how commit to something this big so you can make your disicions is rediculous. You have an obligation to this child that you willingly made, and now you need to do the adult thing and follow it through.

you are far too old, and far too experienced to not know better than to use protection and avoid making babies with men you're not married to, or who are committed to raising a baby.

Grow up, and do the right thing by this child. Give birth to it and raise it yourself, while seeking aid from this man, or give it up to the state so someone else can provide for it.

Answer 3

You're on your own I'm afraid. Do what you have to do to have a healthy and happy pregnancy and resign yourself to the fact that you might be raising this child on your own. There is no way you can force him to see things your way or to want to take an active part in this pregnancy. He may come around at some point but don't count on it. However he does have to pay child support and you need to make sure he does by going through legal channels. It sounds like you are still really young, too bad you didn't learn your lesson the first time you got pregnant, but I hope you learn it this time. Stay away from sex once you have this baby, and stay away from loser guys who can't be responsible for their actions. Good Luck.

Answer 4

Don't have an abortion just to appease someone who doesn't love you enough to even discuss this very life changing event. You have to live with this decision, and if you regret the first one, please don't do it again. If you can love and be a good mother to this child, then name him as the father, and even if he's not involved, he WILL have to pay child support, which will help you. If you feel you're too young or financially unstable to raise a child, but still don't want to abort it, then consider giving it up for adoption. Lots of people out there would love to give a baby a loving home.

Answer 5

If you have not yet had your baby, adoption is still an option you should consider. It would be the least selfish thing for all involved. Your first priority now should be getting your life together and NOT getting pregnant again until you're in a stable relationship (preferably a marriage) where both partners are in agreement before the pregnancy that they will raise the child together.

Answer 6

Kristen, You don't believe in abortion and you don't have to have one. It is your right to choose. If your boyfriend wants you to have one, ignore him. He's not the one who is pregnant. Give him time to think about the situation. Depending on his personality, you may want to talk over the options (adoption, keep the baby, family support, raising the baby together, child support, etc..) or write it down in a letter for him to review when he is able to take it in.
You stated that he leaves school. I'm a little concerned about your age(s). Please discuss this with a professional or a family member that will understand and offer acceptable options.

Answer 7

first of all, how old are you? You got preg. when you were 16? Are you still in highschool? Your ex is obviously very scared. Understandable. Maybe you should get your parents and all sit down and talk about your options. If he doesn't want to listen, then the courts can make him pay child support.

Answer 8

Dump him....

Well actually wait until the kid is born, get the paternity test done, have the child support set up.... then dump him.

Don't condem yourself for wanting to keep your child, make sure your parents and his parents all know what is going on. Also talk to a counselor or seek the help of your church (or any church). You must set up a support system for you and your baby, the more people you can turn to the better off you will be.... and I would certainly not be turning to the father anymore, since as he sees it his job is done.

Answer 9

You can't be responsible for what your ex is lacking as a father to your child. All you can and should be focused on is being the very best mother you can be to your child. You sure don't need any added stress while pregnant. The most important thing is that your child grows up knowing that his/her mother loves him/her and that you are doing everything in your power to make sure he/she is happy and healthy. Your child will get older and will see all the things that their father lacks. It is HIS loss if he doesn't choose to be in his child's life.

Answer 10

dont do it for him, other than garnishing whatever wages he may make for child support, he will be bitter and nothing but trouble for you and the kid, and himself too. My gf and her ex are going thru the same thing, what a winner he isnt. You are doing no favors for the kid, or yourself either, why dont you marry first then have one, it may not work out but it is much more likely to than an unplanned accident with some random boyfriend. You get too much baggage you might as well forget it for real.