I'm married to a wonderful man (caring, loyal, devoted, hardworking, compassionate) but I swear, the man totally lacks a romance gene. I don't think it would ever occur to him to buy me flowers or a little card or any small surprise. If I ask him to or remind him, he does feel contrite and sorry, but... after the 1-off bouquet of flowers he'll bring home th next time, I get nothing for months-- rarely even a spontaneous compliment. I feel guilty to complain because he's 99% wonderful. But it's depressing.
Christmas is coming, as is our anniversary and Valentine's Day and I know he won't even THINK to buy a card. It's like it never ever ever crosses his mind.
What can I do? It's making me feel like less than a woman. Why doesn't he GET it? He's highly educated so how can this be??
Thanks.
2006-12-11 11:22:02 · 15 answers · asked by Sabine É 6 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
So that's typical then huh? Well okay LOL. I just wondered how someone intelligent would be so ^%$#$@&*&^ CLUELESS about what women need. You'd think a man could remember a $3.00 Hallmark a couple of times a year.
2006-12-11 11:29:02 · update #1
PS I do cute things for him all the time, but it's like CLUELESS. It totally never occurs to him to do the same. And I mean CLUELESS.
2006-12-11 11:30:06 · update #2
You married a wonderful man :) there are some girls who get married to romantic men but do nothing else (as in they can't support the family) ... but I do get your point, I guess all you can do is keep on giving him hints ... I know I know you've done it a hundred times already but you have to remember this, most guys are really dense so if you have to pound it in his head then do it :) and I don't mean that literally okay :)
2006-12-11 12:18:05 · answer #1 · answered by JK Sy 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Why is it that people always find *something* to complain about? If he's all you say he is - why not forgive him a small transgression of not being "romance-oriented". I think, the fact that he's loyal, devoted, compassionate, supportive and whatnot should make you feel loved and appreciated. So many women could not describe their husband in such terms, and you can - count your blessings!
If you crave superficial gestures and are unappreciative of the deeper expressions of love your husband offers you ever day - perhaps you do not deserve to be married to him. Flowers and cards is not the only way to express romance. In fact, people who find it easierst to master the superficial language often lack the deeper understanding of committment. Please, for yours and your husband's sake - try to appreciate him for what he is; he sounds like a rare find.
2006-12-11 11:30:46 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I feel your pain! But, it's about him, it's not about you. Don't take it personally.
Here's a tip that may help: make a list of everything you love about him. Focus on it instead of what you don't like. Then, leave him little love notes - short and simple, like: I really appreciate the way you are so loyal to our family....how hard you work.....what a devoted husband you are, etc. Do this for a month and see what happens. Rebecca Marina at and it worked!
See, he doesn't GET it because he's different: raised differently, has a different personality type (different people show love in different ways), communicates differently.
Google in things like rediscover men, understanding men, etc.
And do nice things for yourself.
Good luck!
2006-12-11 11:56:58 · answer #3 · answered by starship 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your question is too generalized and very ignorant. Not ALL men are like that. I am a very romantic man, and there are just as many romantic men as there are women. Ive been with women that wouldn't know what romance was if it smacked them in the face. It all boils down to the man you have, maybe he isn't a romantic person or what he views as romantic, you don't.
2016-05-23 07:02:08 · answer #4 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Gotta agree with all before me kiddo.
You obviously don't pay attention to all of the other questions listed here 24/7. Infidelity. Adultry. Abuse. Drinking & Drug addicted husbands etc. I'm not saying you don't have a legitimate gripe, it just seems that if you put your mind to it, this problem would be miniscule in size. If you can't even do that, then your marrige has bigger problems than you care to deal with in the reality. Quit whining and get started on a solution.
Remember, smart women get this one right on the first try.
2006-12-11 11:40:38 · answer #5 · answered by johngolfs2002 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I know how you feel. The more you dwell on it the more it will upset you and it may never change, plus you want romance from the heart, not from your request. Let it go and be happy for the other things.
Treat yourself to flowers once in a while from the grocery store when you need a pick me up. You can only show him the things you like by doing it for him, there are no guarantees he will change.
2006-12-11 11:58:05 · answer #6 · answered by TT 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I know what your saying and it sucks - I love romance. However, think of it from this point of view, it may help. My ex was the utmost romantic man I EVER knew. BUT he didn't pay the bills very good (had shutoffs constant) we didn't have too much food in the house - unless we were on food stamps (he wouldn't keep a job) he threw me across the kitchen, he abused our son, he would stay out drinking on occasion, he had at least one affair that I knew of..... see where I'm going with this? He was oh so romantic - buying flowers, gifts, cards - but his mom and my mom bought ALL the kids clothes. So, next time you get upset because yours isn't so romantic, think of what you could have and then I think you'll have a smile on your face because you know, with all your heart, he loves you.
2006-12-11 11:48:34 · answer #7 · answered by ? 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Haha! Yeah.. typical "man," alright...
What helps me jog my memory about ANYTHING is if I see something that reminds me of the event coming up. For example, if your anniversary is coming up, have a birthday card in plain view on the kitchen table where he can see it, or comment on the flowers outside.
If he's smart, he'll make a note to himself and get the goods on his way home.
2006-12-11 11:30:14 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
honey, most guys are like this anyways. My husband used to do the sweetest things when we were in high school but now that we got married, it all disappeared!! What i do is i keep a calendar in different places. like kitchen, bedroom, livingroom and write down important dates. tell him to write them down on a calendar at work or something. sure its cheating, but hey at least youll get something, right?
Clara
2006-12-11 11:30:15 · answer #9 · answered by ClaralubsEli 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
maybe you should start doing little cutesy romantic things for him too! it would be so cute if you bought him a rose and gave him cards. treat others the way you want to be treated, it might work ;)
2006-12-11 11:28:19 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋