giving up on my marrige?

Question

How do I tell my husban, whom we have 2 kids together, that I am no longer in love with him or want to be with him any more? It's not really fair cause any time we have had figths, he was always the one to deside the out come of our relationship, wheather he wanted to stay or leave. Now I am so sick of of waiting for him to deside what he really wants that I feel like I've moved on, and don't have "those feelings" for him any more.He shouldn't be the only one to deside what happens with our marrige, and I hate that I give him that kind of power over me... not any more.

As some one pointed out, it's not about power. and they are right it's not. We are in counseling and both contribute to our problems. What I meant to say is it seems like he hasn't really made up his mind weather or not he is comitted to our marrige, and i don't like waiting for him to make up his mind. And no.. neither one of us are seeing some one else. He is a wonderful father, and there isn't any thing that either one of us wouldn't do for our kids, we love them very much and want the best for them. And if we can't work togerther better as a couple then we aren't doing them any good and are problly better off being apart. If things aren't going to work out, I was wanting to know of a easier way to tell my husban that enough is enough and we need to get a divorce and move on with our lifes.

Answer 1

in light of your additions (that you are in counselling and that your husband cant decide whether he wants to committ or not)... dont wait for him to decide - thats something else that gives him a certain hold on you. if you want to be taken seriously, whether it be in a relationship, a friendship or any other kind of interaction, speak your mind, show no fear, be real with what you feel and take a stand. do what is right for you and don't ask permission - I dare say that he will be surprised at this, and it will also give you a boost of confidence as it gets easier to do the more you give it a try.

as you say, he is a great father and there is nothing that he wouldnt do for his kids, so possibly going for a trial separation may be a temporary solution. once in a different situation with different surroundings (kind of like a time out), you may find that both you and your husband will either realise some things that you want to committ to, or realise that you work better as partners for the kids, not romantically.

either way, make your decision and things will soon follow - its your life, and you have to follow your heart. if you heart is not in it any more, take some time out for you and be true to what you are wanting and needing right now :o)

Answer 2

All marriages should be 50-50 whether the woman works or not. If you don't have feelings for your husband anymore do the senible thing and leave because it's not good fighting in front of the children. And also make sure your children are taken cared of. But if I couldn't live with all the fighting I would just up and leave and when he trys to tell you something about how come just say I am tired of all your controlling, because that's all it amounts to. So get your stuff and the kids and leave or change the locks and let him hit the pavement.

Answer 3

I would quit waiting for an answer and just go on living your life as a respectable wife and mother, Don't let the basis of your life be about a decision of staying or going. Just keep doing what your doing but enjoy your life in the process. Keep the counseling going and back off the staying or going subject and if he tries to discuss it say, I really can't talk about this anymore, do what you need to do. Hopefully you can fall in love again and enjoy your marriage again. Marriage's really go through it, and it takes true commitment to keep it going. Let this be a hard time in you marriage and have faith that you will come through it. Show him even though you are going through this, you can still be happy and enjoy life.

Answer 4

I don't know your situation 100 percent but if you think he is a wonderful father maybe the marriage is worth salvaging. I would continue with the counseling. You don't need to decide right away. Why don't you give it 6 months? If you bust up the marriage you may not be any happier than you are now- and your kids will probably be less happy.

Answer 5

Please don't give up!!! Try and make it work. I'm only 16 years old and I was engaged once to my hihgschool sweet heart, I thought we'd be together forever!! But time proved me wrong we grow to be different , him for the worst and me for the best,at times I find myself wondering what might have been if I hadn't given up now I'll never know, because I wasn't strong enough to hold on to my love. Just stick around awhile longer and try and make it work and if the love is gone theres nothing to do, But remember this quote "Even the wisest man make fools of themselves when it comes to women, but even the most foolish womenis wise about man!!!!!!!!!

Answer 6

If you are religious at all, talk to your pastor or preacher b/c they really do have alot of logical ways of dealing with marital problems and they aren't going to tell you to stay "no matter what". They can at least help you make a decision you are going to feel ok with later, and not one based completely on emotions, b/c your kids at least deserve that their parents try every other option first before they separate.

Answer 7

I know that I fights with my wife, but I will always try to work it out with her. Because when I married her I promised to love her, and when you love someone, you love unconditionally. I know it is hard some times, but it is commitment I made and I know that she loves me so I would counsel you to seek marriage counseling before you make that decision. If he doesn't agree to see one see your church leader and if you don't attend church you should it will help you to be a stronger person than you can make a wiser decision

Answer 8

You need to send the kids off to see a relative and have a long chat with your husband. You need to tell him the things you said here.

Please don't argue or accuse during this chat. It is to be a calm and level-headed talk to discuss the future of your marriage.

Answer 9

If you are a typical American woman, I'm sure you will take the kids and demand child support. That will give you the power back.

For those of us that are still married, we realize it has nothing to do with power.

Answer 10

Obviously your mind is made up, a little advice, God hates marriage break up, what God puts together, must stay together, unless marital unfaithfulness.