Hello. I have living with this guy for three years and engaged for one of those years. In the very beginning, he was terrific in bed. Then, slowly, the foreplay started to become less and less until one day ( at the eight month mark) we didn't have sex for two months. Ever since then I usually have to initiate and when I do he rejects me nine times out of ten with excuses like - I ate too much, my stomache hurts, I'm tired...ect. If he actually does want to, he just lies there and says I should just hop on top and I get no foreplay! I haven't been pleased in 2 and half years! I have mentioned this to him repeadedly and I have not seen any changes. He says I don't need foreplay - but I do. Also, he says I don't initiate - but I do! And when I do he has even said at times - 'oh that's a lame way of initiating!' and says I should give him foreplay if I want some. Is he trying to say I suck in bed? I also noticed he spends alot of time with a male friend. Gay? Is it me?
2006-12-11 09:51:48 · 22 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
It's definately NOT YOU! He is very selfish and doesn't seem to care at all about what your needs are. He's not willing to work on this and makes excuses. He could be gay or bisexual. If he is, then he's playing a very dangerous game with you! RUN!!! You've wasted three years on someone who doesn't even care about your needs! Why are you wasting time on this guy? You deserve to be happy and fulfilled.
2006-12-11 09:56:17 · answer #1 · answered by grlugo 1 · 3⤊ 0⤋
It could very well be Erectile Dysfunction. If he is under a bunch of stress or has been, it can affect his sex drive and longevity because he can't or couldn't focus on the task at hand. He could have went through a stage of or think deep down he isn't good enough to be able to satisfy you and don't want to do it because every time ends as a let down to both of you and his ego and as time passes it just gets worse. I would try to get him to go to the Dr and see if he is a canidate for Cialis or one of the other ED meds. He may not need to depend on it after taking it a time or two. Take some time to research ED and causes of it, there are many things that can play into it and some are long term and many are short term. By the way, Cialis will stay active for up to 36hrs, viagra and levitra are around 4-5hrs. If nothing else it might rekindle things heh. But get a Dr's ok first, don't just order it online.
2006-12-11 10:12:26 · answer #2 · answered by B G 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Girl it's a good thing you haven't married this man yet. You still have a choose. You can except this kind of behavior in the bed for the rest of your life or you can say you know want I'm going to need more from my man then just get on top business. If you marry him you have no more right to complain about the sex. You knew want he was putting out and want he wasn't. Then you go on to say his friend he hangs out with Lot is gay. I don't know one straight person who would hang out A LOT with a gay man. Don't get me wrong I'm not saying there's nothing wrong with a gay person , But for a "straights" guy to hang out with a "gay" man is not much heard of. You know want I mean dear. If I was you I would really check out things . And the way he behaves in the bedroom he sounds like he's cheating anyway. Don't have your eyes wide shut on this one. Something is wrong. And IF you marry him and that's the way it's going to be in the bedroom YOU better not complain because you can't take back a dress from a store if the tag says buy as is. read ten stupid things women do to mess up their lives and you both read ten stupid things couple do to mess up their relationships. If he is gay that book will not help him with you. written by Dr. Laura C. Schlessinger
2006-12-11 10:39:51 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ask him straight out if he is gay! If he says no, what are you talking about (or some such) tell him you ask because he doesn't seem interested in normal hetero sex. Tell him sex in a relationship should be an expression of affection, at the very least, and he is certainly not being affectionate or sexually caring. Ask him if there is something about you, or something you had done/are doing that has caused this change in your relationship. Don't be fobbed off, stay calm and persistent. If all else fails, dump him and find someone who really cares about you. Good luck.
2006-12-11 10:13:54 · answer #4 · answered by PAUL H 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
oooooooooooh, dear. Sounds like a tough nut to crack does this one. This is mandatory in a long term relationship, the sex does go stale. I found the best thing for it was absence- staying away for a few days or so.
I always said that "my sex life wont go down the pan" and "it'll never happen to us, cause we're in love" etc. but it did.
Just give each other as much space as is possible for now and then you will both learn to appreciate each other again, he'll realise how much he wants to be with you (sexually too).
2006-12-11 09:58:15 · answer #5 · answered by ♫ ♥green heather butterfly♥ ♫ 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You seem to have ansered all your own questions except one. If you marry this man is this going to continue. Being intimate with your partner is an important part of marriage. Are you ready for a sexless marriage with this man. If the answer to that is no then try counseling or find yourself a new guy. I married a woman who stopped being intimate with me and we had a sexless marriage for 12 years. After a divorce I re-married a woman who is older then me but pleases me in every way.Best of luck to you.
2006-12-11 09:58:19 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
No he is not gay he is a mummys boy I have one also I have waited 6 years all the excuses are gone but he has issues with his mother so untill they are sorted we have no sex life!
My hubby uses allsorts of excuxes one being my mum said beds are for sleeping in!!!
2006-12-11 09:59:19 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
make him read what you wrote here. it might help. next time you feel horny with him there, play with yourself, and if he wants to play too, tell him you'd rather play alone, you have been for months...... might help.... my bf did that too, and i told him i was leaving him. he's been better ever since. it wasn't worth it to me to be with someone that din't care enough about me to make me happy in bed. u should never feel like you're the problem, or at fault, or wrong.... if he cares, he'll care. he'll make an effort, even a little one,,,,, but you have to tell him EXACTLY how you feel. and no, you shouldn't have to initiate it every time... in fact... he should by nature... but you know how life is. if you need to talk, send me an email. Good luck!!
2006-12-11 09:58:43 · answer #8 · answered by Silver Thunderbird 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am not sure whether or not he is gay but I will say that no man goes to long without sex unless he getting it from someone else. I would do a little investigating before I leave his as**.
2006-12-11 09:56:58 · answer #9 · answered by juicie813 5 · 3⤊ 0⤋
I don't want to be the one to instigate anything, but I would ask him if he is still in love and really look into his eyes when he answers you. I felt like that after 3 years with my partner and broke it off before I put her through any serious misery. We remain very distant friends.
2006-12-11 09:58:16 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋