Hello. I have living with this guy for three years and engaged for one of those years. In the very beginning, he was terrific in bed. Then, slowly, the foreplay started to become less and less until one day ( at the eight month mark) we didn't have sex for two months. Ever since then I usually have to initiate and when I do he rejects me nine times out of ten with excuses like - I ate too much, my stomache hurts, I'm tired...ect. If he actually does want to, he just lies there and says I should just hop on top and I get no foreplay! I haven't been pleased in 2 and half years! I have mentioned this to him repeadedly and I have not seen any changes. He says I don't need foreplay - but I do. Also, he says I don't initiate - but I do! And when I do he has even said at times - 'oh that's a lame way of initiating!' and says I should give him foreplay if I want some. Is he trying to say I suck in bed? I also noticed he spends alot of time with a male friend - Tim. Gay? Is it me?
2006-12-11 09:46:08 · 22 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
The spark has gone, but if he is stupid enough to ignore a passionate woman what is wrong with him? My best-friend has a husband that does never have sex with her Crazy but true :)
2006-12-11 09:53:34 · answer #1 · answered by kel s 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Just because he spends time with a male friend does not necessarily imply that he is gay. It could be a low sex drive or lack of innovation in the bedroom. Find out what he expects or needs out of a healthy sexual relationship. What does he consider to be appropriate foreplay and what do you consider to be appropriate? Talk it through with him. The two of you may be sexually incompatible, in which case, marriage may be a mistake.
2006-12-11 18:01:55 · answer #2 · answered by RightLeft 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't know what his problem is, but I don't think you should marry him. Could you imagine your life 10 years from now? Or even five? Maybe it's time to cut ties. You don't sound very happy. Sex isn't every thing in a relationship, but it is an important part of a healthy marriage. If you are dissatisfied now, it will only get worse in the years to come. I'd think long and hard before marrying this man.
2006-12-11 17:50:32 · answer #3 · answered by Lotus 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't think he's gay. I don't think he thinks you aren't good in bed. He may be unhappy in general and it has nothing to do with you. And/Or he's unsure about your relationship and doesn't know what he wants. So he won't break it off, won't discuss it, but he won't be intimate either. Doesn't mean he doesn't love you. He just doesn't know what he wants. Either way, it's a crap place for you to be. You've told him what you want, but it's up to him to make the next step to fulfill your needs, or at least discuss why he can't.
If he doesn't, then the next step is yours. What are you willing to do? Wait? Leave? You deserve happiness, and you deserve a well-balanced relationship...which includes good sex pursued/initiated by both. Good luck.
2006-12-11 18:03:02 · answer #4 · answered by roswell75 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wow, that's tough. It's probably one of three things:
1 - he has some physical issues
2 - he's having sex another woman
3 - he's gay
Since you aren't married, I certainly wouldn't marry him unless things change. You aren't a darn machine. Intimacy and sex is a huge part of any relationship. He either needs to get on board with that, or you need a different boat altogether. Good luck.
2006-12-11 17:51:30 · answer #5 · answered by sassybree1979 5 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Don't marry him until you work this out. It will get worse, believe me I talk from personal experience. Can you live without sex? If not you need to do something about this. If he won't tell you what's going on the 2 of you should go see a counselor. If he won't go then go see one by yourself, then you can figure out what's best for you. Good luck.
2006-12-11 17:51:44 · answer #6 · answered by javeycat 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you need to get to the bottom of this if you really want to marry this guy, 2 years is a long time. Of course it's not your fault, he may be depressed, have low self esteem, it really could be several things but without talking calmly you'll never know, and blaming your techniques is just nasty, he's lucky you're still there!
2006-12-11 17:54:34 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
One of the biggest factors in failed marriages is lack of chemistry in bed. You are not married yet, so don't even enter into it with this guy. No one is really to blame as far as "who sucks". You two are just not a good sexual match.
2006-12-11 18:32:50 · answer #8 · answered by E! 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Something has gone out of the relationship you think its him he says its you, so instead of expecting him to start you do the initiating set the mood and seduce him you have to do some giving if you want some it can't hurt.
2006-12-11 17:58:55 · answer #9 · answered by lara 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No, it's not you. This is a big problem that is only going to get worse the longer you are married.
He could be gay or he could just have a really low sex drive (doesn't realize he's gay).
My advice to you would be: DON'T MARRY HIM. Seriously.
2006-12-11 17:49:02 · answer #10 · answered by Summer 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋