Is my friend insecure?

Question

She always compares herself to me and shows off her superior "knowledge," which usually I knew she made things up. She would go on and comment about my house , my child, my mothering skills, my cooking skills, my inability in doing a, b, c, d, ... Then she would talk positively (false) about herself. I regret sharing some of my intimate thoughts with her which she now uses them to bite me. When our husbands are not around, she would say something to intentionally hurt me over and over.

Her behavior makes me look at her more closely and realize she doesn't own a house and her apartment is very dirty. Her son is always sick and he is very small for his age. He doesn't like the food she cooks. She has cancer and doctor doesn't think she will live long.

I feel pity on her but I am so annoyed. Is she insecure? What shall I do?

I appreciate all your advices. It's very difficult for me to pick the best one. They're all very helpful. I know that it's perhaps best for me to cut her off, but how do I explain to my daughter about not seeing her son again. They like to play together. The kids should not be punished for this?

Answer 1

She's insecure. When someone has to belittle or compare themselves to others in order to feel good about themselves then they are insecure. I would be careful around her. I read what you wrote about your husband and how she treats you around him and I wouldn't put it past her to try something with him because it sounds like you have the life she wants. And she may try an go after your life. You are being too kind of a person. I would have cut her off. Friends do not treat friends that way. She purposely attacks and puts you down and that is just not healthy.

Answer 2

Yes, of course she is insecure, she is insecure and frightened....gees, she is going to die for God's sake, she has a young son who will be on his own....Maybe she is crying out for acceptance and this is the only way she knows how. Are you the only person she talks to? Has she got any family and friends? If this woman hasnt got long to live then her mind would be in a shocking state.....she really woundnt know if she is coming or going and if she doesnt have any support then what is going to happen. This is what I suggest you do....sit her down and tell her straight. Tell her that you know she doesnt own a house, and she doesnt have to pretent anymore with you...tell her you know the truth, but also tell you are concerned about her because of the state of mind she would have to be in because of the cancer. Ask her is there anything you can do for her to help her cope better......The best time to do is when the husbands arent around when she tries to say something to hurt you....You need to say in a firm but kind voice.."hey, how about cutting the crap, I know the truth, I also know how frightened you must be, and if I am to help in any way, then you have to be honest with me,....no more insults, no more lies, just straight up with me." You know why she is probably doing these things because she is jealous...you have a house, you have security, but the main thing is, you have your health. You are going to be around to see your children grow up, and she isnt. Put yourself in this womans place...how would you cope with knowing you were going to die? How would you react? But if she is telling you a whole pile of lies, then how do you know she is dying of cancer? If she really is, then everything I have said is relevant and you should consider her state of mind seriously and not condemn her for it. If she is just out to make trouble and everythign she has said are lies, then you really need to wipe her from your life. You dont need people like that around who constantly make up stories to big note themselves...yes it is insecurity, but that doesnt mean you have to be made feel uncomfortable because of her problems. You have a life too, and if you want her as your friend, then you have to tell her straight, dont sweep it under the carpet. And everytime she starts this kind of behaviour, just give her a flick on the shoulder and tell her to stop the crap. You dont have to ignore the way she behaves, and you would probably be doing her a favour by confronting her on her lies. Whether she has cancer or not....being upfront is the only way.

Answer 3

One quote that I found to be very true is misery loves company. People hate to see someone succede where they feel they have failed or have things that they want. When someone is always trying to bring you down your best bet is to either avoid being around them as much as possible or stop being their friend all together. Pitty parties are more fun when you're not alone in them. She's insecure!!

Answer 4

She's definitely insecure and she's snobby to boot. Perhaps you should look elsewhere for a friend.