my bf is the first guy I have been with and his colorful sexual past really haunts me. Im afraid to end up cheated on. Besides being cheated on... I am a conservative girl and am having a hard time swallowing his past. He loves me very much and says he will be faithful and wants to marry me, do i do it? How do I get over his past?
2006-12-11 09:08:38 · 10 answers · asked by Sandy 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
My honest opinion is that if you continue with him, you are going to be a miserable woman. You are very conservative.....he plays the field! If you continue, his past is going to eat at you like cancer. Life is too short for that type of misery! Date someone that is like-minded. Good Luck on your decision!
2006-12-11 09:16:41 · answer #1 · answered by olderbutwiser 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You didn't say how old the two of you are, and that is important.... nor did you say how long you have known each other, nor if you havelived together or not. Men generally have had more partners than women..... and I'm curious why he would share all of that with you, and expect you to not feel your are just the next number, and not necessarily the last one, either, so age is important. If he's 22, it's unlikely he is capable yet of a marriage....... If he is closer to 30, most of his buddies are married, and he may be looking at that with you.....
Frankly, don't think it is fair to hold a person's past against them, unless that person were married, and cheated ("Once a cheater......) or if he had served time in jail on a felony.
But let me share with you what I think marriage is all about..... and you decide where he and you fit in this equation:
Marriage is Admiration, Respect, Passion and Trust, with a whole lot of lovies, doing things for your relationship, discussing without rage your differences, providing a secure, supportive enviornment for children should you choose to have any, and when things get a bit shakey, getting some professional help. Marriages can survive all sorts of ups and downs (and there are plenty in living together, and raising children -- maybe that is why many couples are opting out of becoming parents in our society today) but what a marriage rarely survives is betrayal.... Betrayal is the deal-buster, THE only real deal-buster in a marriage.... Trust evaporates, the relationship changes, and admiration and respect erode or blow up, and for sure, the betrayed partner will have difficulty sharing passion again. It would take over two years in counseling to patch up a betrayed relationship, and that isn't even guaranteed.
So where do you fit?
Write if you have some questions -- I'm pretty good at this sort of thing
2006-12-11 17:37:34 · answer #2 · answered by April 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I guess this is a case of the good girl liking the bad boy. Personally, every time I was with him I would be more worried about where that thing has been, not where it will be going after me. Non the less. Tell him upfront...he cheats one time he is history, no second chances... and mean it. Date a minimum of 3 years, get engaged for one. If he hasn't cheated in that amount of time, there is a good chance he is done sowing his oats.
By the way, please don't be surprised down the line if you find out he has fathered children that he doesn't even know about.
2006-12-11 17:15:41 · answer #3 · answered by lily 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
In almost every case a guy who cheats is going to cheat again. Unless he has had some major life altering event, he will go back to old habits.
There is also the fact that every good relationship needs trust. If you will not trust him when he says has been hanging out with the guys. Move on.
2006-12-11 17:11:41 · answer #4 · answered by Chris 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If you're the jealous type, and your question certainly makes it seem that way, and he's a confirmed cheater, then your relationship really doesn't stand a snowball's chance.
It would be best for both of you to put this relationship behind you and move on.
2006-12-11 17:11:07 · answer #5 · answered by ScubaGuy 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you are gonna worry about things that may or may not happen in the future, you are gonna be a very lonely and miserable person...
If you can't handle it, dump him... And get yourself a virgin nerd, who'd be grateful and never cheat...
2006-12-11 17:11:43 · answer #6 · answered by Forlorn Hope 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is the type of man that catagorizes women into two catagories.....
1. the whores who they just use, abuse and throw away
2. The nice girl they marry
He probably WILL marry you and be faithful.....
2006-12-11 17:15:06 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Test his fidelity...get one of your gorgeous friends to hit on him, or set up a fictitious email and send him flirty emails and see if he reacts. Test him.
2006-12-11 17:14:44 · answer #8 · answered by Raven 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Take this relationship very slow, do not rush into anything.
2006-12-11 17:15:27 · answer #9 · answered by NAN G 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you need to either trust him or don't
really simple
2006-12-11 17:11:34 · answer #10 · answered by T W 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋