parental visitation: my daughter 7 cries till vomiting because she does not want to .......?

Question

My daughter 7 cries till vomiting because she does not want to go to her dads. We have been divorced 3 years.He gets her Wed-Sun 1,3,5 week.If he is not out of town working. I do not feel he is physically abusing her( I have ask my daughter and she says no) but I question the mental abuse. ie.. asking questions about me and what is going on at home. When she says I do not know he says she is lieing etc.... Then she wants to call me and will not let her because she wants to come home.I know when we were together he micromanage mine and my sons lives. He was verbally and a couple of times he was physically abusive to my son. The very reason I left. My heart breaks when I see her like this.I live in TX. Does my daughter have to go?Can I bring him back to court to change visitation? Or will I be waisting my time? What should I do. Help!

Answer 1

I believe you just got two great answers to your question.

Answer 2

I, too, would ask your daughter why? Children of that age have a real tendency to be stuck to their mothers. But they need their fathers too. My boyfriend's six year old - when given the choice - never chooses to be with him - only her mother. This is not healthy for her because she lacks self confidence by always sticking to her mothers side, and her mother is a doting mother. She still permits the child to sleep with her, the child cannot tie her own shoes or even zip her own jacket. She stands there waiting for her mother to do it - and because of this - the child is falling behind other children her age and is suffering sadness from it. The mother's behavior is further enabling the six year old to remain withdrawn and helpless.

Additionally, the mother gets worked up over the departures. Talking them up in advance for days ahead of time and making it sound as if the child won't be returning for a long time. This upsets the daughter, which in turn upsets the mother - and before you know it - they're both acting like children crying and hugging before departing and making a big stink out of a few days visitation. She's passing her insecurities onto her daughter. The daughter now suffers seperation anxiety. She also requests to telephone her mother - about every hour. At first, it was allowed - but then the telephone calls would turn into just another session of crying on both their parts and acting as if they'd never see each other again. In the end, it was no longer permitted as it didn't seem to aleviate the daughters anxiety - speaking to her hysterical mother only ended up making it worse for the daughter.

If you are not doing anything to create anxiety regarding the visits such as the mother I mention above, then you need to really find out if the daughter just "chooses" to stay with you. Most children will if they have the option. However, at six or seven years of age - I don't feel the have the ability to make good decisions for themselves yet. Therefore, the child shouldn't be given the choice.

But in your particular instance - you really need to get to the root of what's causing the sadness and anxiety regarding the visitations. Make sure you are not a source of that anxiety first and go from there and widdle it down. It may also be that your ex runs a tighter ship and is more strict in his household. Children that are used to "running the show" and doing as they please - do not adjust well to a disciplined environment and, therefore, do not like it.

If it is the line of questioning that is the problem - you and your husband need to sit with the daughter together - and open it up for discussion. Have your daughter address this with him - and with you there. Let him hear what it's doing to his daughter and attempt a resolution before involving anyone else. Let him see the anxiety it's causing her.

Answer 3

Take your daughter to the doctor and have her get a physical. It sounds as if maybe she is being sexually abused (she will deny it; that's typical, but the vomitting and crying worries me). If she is physically okay, then it's emotional and mental abuse he is dealing her. I'd ask an attorney what you can do. Maybe you can get her to only have to visit with supervised visits so he can't beat her up like this. But do something. Don't let her go through this time and time again. Does your son visit his dad? Maybe he knows what's happening with the girl. While I normally don't like cell phones for young kids, this is the perfect example of why even a 7 year old should have one in rare instances. You might get her one on your plan just for visits to Dad's. Have her hide it in her suitcase and call you if she feels in danger, or after "lights out" when he isn't in the room to know. If he finds it, he'll take it from her, though. You have to protect your kids. You are on the right track. Good luck.

Answer 4

Yes, you can bring him back to court. Document the dates, times etc of your daughters emotions when it is time to go with Dad & how many calls you get from her & how she is when she comes back from the visit. Divorce effects kids in many different ways. I would reach out to her teacher & guidance counselor at school too. Maybe even a visit to her pediatrician & explain to them. Sometimes kids open up to the least people we expect. Let her have some of her own people to vent out too that she trusts. Sometimes kids have a hard time letting Mom/Dad know exactly what is going on & the whys. I hope all works out for you. Don't wait to get into court. Do it asap.

Answer 5

Document Document Document! I have even heard of cases where the parent vidotaped their childs melt down to further prove thier point. Get her into counseling ASAP. Do what you need to do within the laws of your state to protect your daughter . Maybe the next time she comes back take her to the Dr and get her throughly checked out. You didn't mention sexual abuse in your post but there is always that possiblity as well. Give her a week off from his place and watch her behavior and attitude. Let your ex know that she is not feeling well and you will be keeping her home and that things can get back to normal next week. Buy yourself as much time as possible to figure out what your next move is. I will be praying for you and your children.

Answer 6

maybe you could go back to court and get visitation changed to supervised visits or to something where she is not staying there over night. Explain to the courts your daughters reaction, maybe call child welfare and have them witness the behavior. the courts are suppose to do whats in the best interest of the child.

Answer 7

Yes, you can take him back to court for a remodification of child visitation hearing and explain to the judge what you told us above and request supervised visits til things change for the best interest of your child. As long as it involves your child,you can take him back to court at anytime. Good luck

Answer 8

I would definitely call child protection services. Get a social worker involved. Something is NOT right if she gets that worked up.

Answer 9

Does your daughter tell you why she does not want to go? I would get her a cell phone so she can call you anytime she wants.