I love being a single independant mom that takes care of my children w/out welfare may I add and I couldn't see me living with a man for too long he lives in his house and I live in mine let's not let the two mix. What's so bad about being single in this world with children, so can someone give me the pros of marriage I already know the cons:
Cooking and cleaning up after a grown up.....not gonna happen
Consulting with a man as if he's your god...not gonna happen
Aiming to please someone else instead of yourself
Less money because he controls it
Less space and someone in your face
Sharing everything......not not not gonna happen
2006-12-11 08:40:09 · 19 answers · asked by Mrs. Butler ♥2 B♥ 5 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
To let you know I'm the one that doesn't want to be married, I like my house and my kids to myself!!!!!
2006-12-11 08:45:46 · update #1
I think that you have the wrong idea of marriage. Marriage is what you make of it. Those things that you mentioned, does happen in SOME marriages, but it doesn't have to be that way.
My husband and I share everything. I have my account, he has his, and then we have ours. We have a 4 year old daughter, so she's always first, but everything else is gravy. We both share household expenses and chores. We date each other on the regular. Marriage isn't that bad.
Sounds like your trouble isn't marriage, but commitment, maybe.
2006-12-11 08:48:55 · answer #1 · answered by T W 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Marriage shouldn't make a difference at all in a committed relationship. What makes my marriage so great is that my husband and I have a great relationship and vows have never changed that. We cook together, we clean together, we consult each other and do things together more often than not. And as far as aiming to please someone else instead of ourselves, well, making my husband happy makes me happy and he is only happy if he can make me happy. That's the way a good relationship works, by constantly working together and communicating. We have more money than I would have made alone because he can budget, but honestly if it weren't for me he wouldn't spend a dime and would never have fun. So we play off each others strengths and weaknesses and bring out the best in each other. And sharing everything should be a good thing. If the love and the trust is there than the sharing should come naturally and reciprocate between you. I've been married five years and its better every day. I never thought I'd get married or I'd get married a lot but since I met and married my husband I know I'll never love again. Marriage is just a word for a commitment that is already felt in the heart. It shouldn't change anything, and if it does, you're in the wrong relationship.
2006-12-11 08:49:58 · answer #2 · answered by Phaylynn 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Okay I am married...
I used to think that being married was a pain in the a s s but I have been very sickly for the last year and he's been amazing considering what he's had to put up with.
He not only helps out with the kids (as he should anyway) but he also does help with the housework, he does all of the driving as I have seizures, he works full time to support all 7 of us and he takes care of me when I am sick. He's watched me get sick off of my meds, lose lots of weight and hair and he's sticking by me through thick and thin.
I control all of the finances in the house so that isn't an issue in my house. I shop on Ebay when I want to. And he never gets in my face. I am the more dominant one in the relationship. Not all men are jerks like my ex LOL...my hubby also doesn't mind the fact that I have complete control over decorating the house so even that isn't an issue and I am pretty eccentric.
We both cook and clean up after each other and he does laundry too. As for treating him like a God, I refuse to treat ANY man like a God...that's a joke!!!! I was a single mom before myself so I have been burned. I won't let any man control me....
I have a man who does seem to love me in sickness and in health. He has watched my health deteriorate. He accepts that I cannot drive or work and does what he can to help me despite everything else he has to deal with. Might I also add that when his mother turned her back on me when I got sick, he took my side so he's not a mama's boy either...
He has some annoying habits like his video games and computer obsession but I think we all have things that we do that can be annoying to the other partner. I am grateful at least that he is home and not one of those guys who goes out drinking and staying out all night. He's always home with me if he's not working...he's a good guy.
2006-12-11 08:56:33 · answer #3 · answered by Cute But Evil 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I don't cook and clean up after a grown up.
I don't consult a man as if he's my god.
Aiming to please? Sure. But I don't take myself out of every equation.
I don't have less money...*WE* have money and *WE* control it.
I don't have less space and I don't have anyone in my face unless I want them there.
Sounds like you like being alone and that's fine. But it certainly sounds as if you are trying to be "tough" about it. It sounds like maybe you are basing what a relationship is on past dysfunctional ones. I am very happily married. I am treated like a queen and always have been. I like the fact that no matter what - in the morning I will wake up and someone is in my corner, willing to face any conflict with me. And is there to celebrate every last thing that is wonderful in life.
My sister was ultra-independent. Didn't need a man to make her happy. Didn't want to share a life/house/anything with someone else. She's now older and calls me crying. Why do I have this life? And I have to tell her that it's because she chose it. She let her heart be hardened.
It sounds as if someone just took and took and took from you and didn't give anything to you. I'm sorry that happened. Not all men are like that. My husband called me today and asked me what I needed done. He had about 45 minutes between conference calls and called me. He could have done anything else in the world for himself and yet he called me. That's the feeling you are denying yourself by building up these walls.
2006-12-11 09:16:40 · answer #4 · answered by iam1funnychick 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
People don't think that being married is so great, IT REALLY IS GREAT!!! Marriage is knowing that you have someone to walk through life with and to share life with. You've got the wrong guy if you have to constantly clean up after him, and if you have the right guy and you love him and are totally committed, you are happy to do things for him. My husband does not control the money, we totally work together on money issues. I absolutely love to have him around all the time and if the love is true, sharing everything is what it's all about. I could not live by myself, I'd go crazy without someone to love and who loves me back the same way.
2006-12-11 08:58:35 · answer #5 · answered by Farmwife 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Theres nothing wrong being single in todays society. What matters most is that youre doing what makes you happy. With the high rate of divorce and allthe problems associated with marriage, many people opt to stay single or a live in relationship. Whatever makes a person happy and comfortable with their life is most important and is nobodies business. If this lifestyle works for you two then thats great and keep it going. Others are happy being married but then thats their life so more power to them. I personally love the challenges of marriage and after 27 yrs and 2 adult girls, and a 1yr old grandson, I wouldnt change it for anything in the world but thats my decision, but I think your life style is great too but for you. Basically it comes down to " to each his own" concept. Good luck
2006-12-11 08:55:38 · answer #6 · answered by Arthur W 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Being a single mom is not a bad thing. In fact I was pretty good at it too. But then I met my husband...let's revise your list:
Helps me cook dinner and we talk the whole time
We are partners
We please one another
I have more money with two incomes
We have a nice home
I love sharing my life with a wonderful man that shares his with me. You sound a little selfish, the me me me stuff probably wouldn't work in a marriage..or a live-in partnership. I hope you don't teach your child to be so selfish.
Another thing, my daughter is grown now, she is moving on, and I still have someone there to share my life with, and he is part of her life too. What a great deal! I hope you find the right person, it will change your mind and set you free!
2006-12-11 08:50:08 · answer #7 · answered by Bev 5 · 4⤊ 0⤋
Well, sounds like you got burned pretty badly. I am NOBODYS maid or cook. I do NOT have to ask my husband for permsiion to do ANYTHING nor does he have to ask me. In our marriage we SHARE the responsibilities of our children & our home. We enjoy being together & we enjoy spending time with our boys, our horses & our dogs. I do what I do & he does what he does, but we are ALWAYS there for each other NO MATTER WHAT!!! Our boys have two parents to show them what a relationship is & how it works. The boys can talk to me about anything, but if they have something they want to talk to their dad about, he is right there. Young girls need to see a mom who is independent & strong, but they also need to see & learn what it takes to be in a relationship & what it takes to make a relationship work right. Boys need to see & learn that women are not maids, cooks & they are their own people. They also need to see & learn what it takes to be in a relationship & what it takes to make a relationship work right.
Marriage is give & take. I like the fact that I know my husband will be there to love, support, encourage & help me through life. I know that I can lean on him & he knows that he can lean on me.
A BIG problem with young people today is that they do not see many healthy relationships, so they do not know how to have one. They get pregnant & MAYBE get married. The husband or boy friend takes off & the mom goes from one guy to the next, hopefully not involving any abuse. The dad MIGHT show up now & again, but the mom is calling him names in front of the kid(s) & the kids grow up with no respect for one parent or the other.
It's one thing if a spouse dies. The mother or father are left alone, but I highly doubt the remaining parent bad mouths the absent parent for being a dead beat or whatever.
From what I have read in your question I would have to say that you have experienced at least one really bad relationship, but don't judge the rest of us or our spouses the way you have just because we choose to be with the ones we love & respect, the ones who make us happy & choose to give our children homes with two loving, caring, involved parents...
2006-12-11 10:48:05 · answer #8 · answered by More Lies & More Smoke Screens 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
There is nothing bad about being a single parent. I have the highest respect for people who are, but don't slate marriage. Marrying my husband was the best decision i ever made as it is for many people. If anyone is in a marriage where you have to do all the above things you mentioned then they are obviously in a bad one.
2006-12-11 08:47:15 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
My wife wanted to be a mother and to be able to stay home with our children. She would not be able to do that if I didn't support that!
My wife also takes care of our finances, my paycheck is direct deposited and she controls the spending and budget.
I often cook and clean and my wife loves the help and assistance I give around the house and with the children.
When my wife wants to go out or do something by herself I am always available to take care of the children.
You can't beat going to bed and waking up with someone you love and respect. Makes you want to grow old with them.
I wish you could experience a wonderful marriage, it just might change your opinion!
2006-12-11 08:46:16 · answer #10 · answered by me4tennessee 6 · 5⤊ 0⤋