My husband has alot of things on his mind and sometimes takes it out on me. He hasn't seen his mom, kids, brother and sisters in almost 6 years and it takes a toll on him. Sometimes if I even do small thing, he will get upset with me becasuse he has so many other things in his head. I love him and am trying to be patient with him and help him through his hard time, but it is hard for me. I am only 20 and have not had as much experiance in life, especially situations like this. Any advice for me on how to not bug him and not lose myself completly.
What I do most of the time to bother him is I am huggy and touchy all of the time, especially at night. I don't like to fall asleep by myself, and he likes to stay up late on the computer. He thinks I don't sleep because I think he is chatting with girls. I don't think that, but I just like to fall asleep in his arms. When he is out with his friends I call him and ask when he is coming home. Which habits should I change? Am I wrong?
2006-12-11 08:27:31 · 4 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Al Salaam Sister... I have been married for 2 years now... And I have a similar situation too. My husband too has many things on his mind... His famlily, job etc. Ours was an arranged marriage... Financially my family was better off than his... He tries his best to keep me happy, to provide me with everything, coz he thinks I am a rich man's daughter. So,I show little interest in expensive things... so that it doesn't bother him that at present we cannot afford expensive things. I also Dont accept gifts from my parents.
He is away from his family too, moreover there are constant problems in his married sisters lives... So he has many things on his mind.. He too gets irritated sometimes as I too am touchy and huggy kinda person... I love him so much that I watch him for hours as he sleeps.
... As for his family, you should encourage your husband to visit his home soon... It'll be good for him. He must really be homesick... talk encouraging words... plan enthusiastically for a vacation to his home country.. this will cheer him up.
When he's out with friends... dont call.. instead you can just text him.. saying nice things... romantic stuff... like.. how time stops when he's not around... or you plan to wear something nice for him when he gets home... he'll definitely hurry back.. hehe..
Always give him space when you feel he is tensed up... they have to have sometime to their own.. Just sit there.. hold hands.. dont ask.. he'll say what's on his mind sooner or later... or cook something he likes... it'll cheer him up...
When he's on the system for late hours in the night... you wait in the room... reading a book... once or twice get him a glass of water or maybe a cup of coffee... just to show him that you are interested in the book.. and not in what he is doing on the computer...
Sister, I know life is hard as a wife... and especially harder being a dedicated and good one.. but the rewards are greater... I have earned great respect from my husband.. and a lot of love... since I have learned slowly how to deal things... time and circumstances teach you everything... You are not wrong in anything... Infact you are a very good wife.. men may be a little hard to handle sometimes.. hehe..
U take care.. and all the best to you...
2006-12-11 09:02:45 · answer #1 · answered by Sunnydays_r_here_again 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Nothing really. It sounds like youre a loving and caring wife who is concerned about her husband and marriage, someone who any guy in the world would be proud to have. It sounds like your husband has the problem, mostly adapting his life to you. Maybe you just need to tone it down a bit, back off a little on the huggy/touchy for a while and see what happens. Also as hard as it will be try not to call him when hes out with his friends, sounds like youre checking up on him,like you dont trust him. Also if its good enough for him,take or show an interest in the computer, try doing it together, etc. Have a night out with your friends too, but call him when youre about to or are heading home, set an example and maybe he will learn and follow. Dont quit being yourself just back it off a little. Good luck. Also by experiencing these little challenges helps us grow up and become experienced in lifes little matters
2006-12-11 16:43:34 · answer #2 · answered by Arthur W 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You sound like my wife .... Personally speaking, you need to stop relying on him to make you feel complete. Maybe try meditating, praying, reading, hanging out with your friends, or other various things. The things that just really get to me with my wife are similar to the things you are talking about. I rarely am ready to go to bed when my wife is, and then she bugs me about coming to bed, and after a while, it starts to irritate me. She never wants to do anything by herself, and then is allways bugging me to do things, and then that starts to irritate me. I would say this --- when it seems like he is starting to get irritated with you, just go up to him, give him a kiss, tell him you love him, and that you are gonna go to the store for a couple hours to give him some time just for himself (in the most loving voice you can say it in). You really don't want to make him feel like you can't stand on your own 2 feet because that will make him feel trapped to have to help you walk on your own. Be yourself, and be independant, but show him in that you love him in everything you do.
2006-12-11 16:38:38 · answer #3 · answered by Brian D 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
How old is he? It sounds like you have a large difference in age and are not at the same points in life.
2006-12-11 16:30:57 · answer #4 · answered by OleMarbleEyes 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋