There is a girl whom i love more than anyone in the world. She was my classfellow and She was a very brilliant student. She won too many medals in academics (we were in a medical college together, becoming doctors). I told her that i love her two years ago and asked for her hand in marriage. She said she loved me too. She agreed but her parents resisted my proposal. She became so upset by her parents attitude and failed in a single postgraduate exam six times. For all this while i was with her, beside her, helping her, encouraging, loving and caring for her all this time. But just a week ago she messaged me and said that it's been me responsible for all her failures and told me that she's breaking up as our relationship was not a blessing rather is a curse as its hindering her progress in life. We broke up. I don't know why but all this while there was not a single day she didn't say "I LOVE YOU" 10 times. Do you think that in true love you blame the one you love for all your failures?
2006-12-11 08:24:30 · 23 answers · asked by Dr. Sam 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
i think you were there for her when she needed you and i do agree that sometimes mother nature has a way of getting in the way of our destiny she blames you but deep down it was pressure from her parents and the shock of failure which has made her relise that to get on in life she needs to be focused it hurts and im sure she is hurting too give her her space she hasnt stopped loving you but for now she needs time and time will tell. love hurts good or bad
2006-12-11 08:43:05 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well personally speaking no - I wouldnt blame someone for my own failures BUT some people like your ex obviously do! blaming others is an easy way - it often makes people feel better to try and push the responsibility onto someone else. Its easier to admit you were a failure "because" of someone else rather than just because you werent up to scratch or able to do achieve it yourself.
Weak people pass the blame onto innocent people.
You sound like a great and supporting guy and any girl would be lucky to have you - the fact that your ex could not see this and did not appreciate the fact you did stand by her is her problem.
Good luck in the future! xx
2006-12-12 00:16:08 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think she is feeling pressure from her parents to pass the post grad exam. She is blaming you and thinking you are the problem when in reality it's just her problem. I used to blame others for my failures until one day I realized it wasn't them who held me back or kept me down it was me. Only I can control what I do, your ex hasn't realized that yet. I think you should just step back, tell her you're still there for her if she needs you and let her realize that you truly are not the problem. I know it'll be hard for you to just be her friend, but that is what true love is all about. In a relationship you have to know you can always depend on one another as friends and lovers. I call it pulling out the friendship card. Things will work out for you both cause I believe in true love. Good luck and try to be the friend for now instead of the lover.
2006-12-11 08:47:33 · answer #3 · answered by odessa2469 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It does not matter why she did it to you. She did it.
Only she can change the way she feels about you. She is not taking responsibility for her own failure, she is blaming you. which is ridiculous.good that you find this out now, before you marry her. I would not want to marry a woman that has the character to put blame on me for something she could not do on her own. Good that she broke up. You need to find a woman who has integrity, which she does NOT seem to have.
Maybe you do not really love her, but love the idea of loving her or the idea of just being in love.
You will find that in another woman, who has some honor.also her parents have nothing to do with your proposal. do you want to have her parents controlling your life when you marry her.
2006-12-11 08:43:33 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
oh you must be hurting so much, but love doesn't stop you saying horrid things, and blaming someone for anything is an excuse. Easier to use a blame to end a relationship, hides faults in yourself.
Look over the relationship, ask yourself about actions not words.
If she failed so many times is it something she is weak or not understanding rather than anyones fault!
Take time to heal your wounds and learn the lessens and move on. Try not to be bitter or angry for to long!
2006-12-11 08:34:49 · answer #5 · answered by rachel.cox4@btopenworld.com 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Even if you aren't in love at all you can't blame another for all your failures. I'm sorry for your hurt, and I wish I could give you some insite as to why she ended your relationship this way. Just know that if she was unhappy, and the relationship was not in her best interest, it was her choice to continue to be with you. Please don't feel that her changing her mind about what she should have done in the past is in anyway your fault.
2006-12-11 08:44:21 · answer #6 · answered by kandekizzez 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think the situation with reguards to not having her family's blessings and still being with you planning a life, may have been the cause to her failure. It was too much pressure/stress. Sometimes we aim to please both parties, but when unable to do that, we take the blame or fault. Holding on to that, can cause physical and mental issues. The mind is greater than the body.
2006-12-11 08:31:31 · answer #7 · answered by T W 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sadly, this is often the case. The old song 'You always hurt the one you love' has a great deal of truth in it.
Plus when you are under stress (eg vital exams) it is tempting to find someone to blame and those closest are the easiest targets.
That will not ease your pain but it may help in understanding its cause.
2006-12-11 09:01:11 · answer #8 · answered by alan h 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Right now it is very difficult for her since she failed a class and is having problems with her parents. She is human and tries to throw her burdens to others so that she doesnt feel so bad. You need to find out when you can talk to her, in person, to find out how she really feels. This is probably a good test of your relationship. Hopefully everything ends up well.
2006-12-11 09:22:59 · answer #9 · answered by rezruf 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I sure hope so because my husband blames me for EVERYTHING...when he screws up; it's my fault.
True Love is true love, but it doesn't mean that we don't hurt each other; because we are still human and make mistakes.
It sounds like maybe her parents have really influenced her, and if she is especially close to them, that isn't surprising. She may just have said what she said to make herself feel better about doing what she felt she had to do.
OR there may be more to this story than you've told us...what is HER side?
2006-12-11 08:29:05 · answer #10 · answered by Pooky 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋