He's constantly calling me, asking me to come there for thanksgiving, asking to come here for Christmas, constantly making plans for us, but he wants a divorce. So he says. I don't want a divorce. This will be my second. He's immature, I realize. But I still love him and don't want to give up on him. We have been seperated for about 6 weeks, it's been hell. I can't go back to him because he has made me look like such a fool in this small town, but he says I shouldn't care what other people think. But I do. And he's not the one looking foolish. Sometimes you can say something or do something to make a person have like a "brain fart" and say "man, you're right" How can I get him to understand where I'm coming from. He's willing to work on our marriage if I'm there with him, but if I stay gone, he wants a divorce.
2006-12-11 08:15:41 · 5 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Sounds like he's blackmailing you with the divorce threat to give himself all the leverage. Stop giving him the things he wants just because he's pressuring you. You need to work on saving you marriage as equals and as equally interested parties.
You might not want a divorce (good for you, don't give up so easily) but don't let him use that as a way of manipulating you. You need to stay separated while you work out your problems. For the most part you should only have contact on that basis. Unless its really necessary, don't interact with him outside of counselling, otherwise there isn't really a separation and therefore no need to work on reconciling your separation back into a healthy marriage.
If in the end you have to let him go because you can't have a healthy relationship with him, so be it, don't be a sucker.
P.S. its the separation, a total separation, that should help him reach his break-through moment. He really has to do the rest himself.
2006-12-11 08:28:09 · answer #1 · answered by Zee 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
it takes two for the relationship to work and if both of you are willing to work at it and even seek counseling then there is a very good chance that your marriage will survive and you two can pick up where you once where ,In love and happy with each other!,Good Luck and God Bless
2006-12-11 16:38:46 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Look to your heart for this one......you are out and have been for 6 weeks....how long did it take you to get that far.
Would you be able to do it again....or would you have to wait it out...until you could.
Decide for yourself and your self respect if you think you are willing to go through the steps at saving your marriage. Is it possible, will things be different this time....or is it the same ole story?
Will he go to counseling?
Just a thought
Best wishes
2006-12-11 16:21:44 · answer #3 · answered by travelingirl005 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ever heard the phrase "Talk is cheap"? It's action that counts and you're right by saying he sounds immature. If what you want is another child to raise than stay with him because he sounds like he's got that role down pretty good.
2006-12-11 16:38:59 · answer #4 · answered by open_phunguy 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I would tend to say he is very controlling. Tell him you would like to try again,but you need to have a say in how it goes. I would suggest finding help somewhere in the middle and after a few sessions decide whether you want to go back. Goo luck and God bless.
2006-12-11 16:22:15 · answer #5 · answered by lpdecca 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋