I am in my early 30s and have been married for 12 years. I have had a fantasy for the past 4 years or so that just will not go away. I meet a lady while up north on a skiing trip. Both of us have families but are there alone. We talk and have dinner. We basically then just spend the whole weekend in a cabin by the fire talking and snuggling. Sometimes there is sex and sometimes there is not. The strange part of this fantasy is that sex is not the important part. And trust me in most of my fantasies sex is pretty much the central issue. I am not sure what this one is really about. It has been a consistent one over the years though. In fact I recently spent a week in Washington State on a work trip and thought about it a lot. I have also had the desire to have an email or phone conversation with another women. Not about sex just about life. Why then is it important for it to be with a woman? I do not know but it is. Any thoughts?
2006-12-11 07:39:49 · 8 answers · asked by Brian 5 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Maybe your soul mate is trying to connect with you in another dimension of life. It is not a fantasy. We go on in life with or with out our soul mates. Sometimes we are happy and married with a family and we still feel we lack something in our relationships. That is your soul mate. We are paired up and predestined to meet this someone. Sometimes only for a moment and sometimes for a life time. She is out there thinking the exact thing of you. Let fate take its course and good luck.
2006-12-11 07:47:50 · answer #1 · answered by skawp 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
You were 18 when you got married...you were a boy, you still have not experienced what life has to offer, and you probably have missed out on so much. You married young, and when you are young you dont make really informed choices and kinda just go with your heart, or else felt obligated through pregnancy. Now that you are older, you have other needs and I believe its because you are not being stimulated emotionally and intellectually by your wife. Your marriage probably has a couple of qualities needed to make a successful marriage, but not all of them, and the one obviously lacking is communication. Your wife is not meeting all your needs....most men/women fantasize about sexual issues, but it doesnt necessarily mean you will actually act on it...its just something most of us do which in fact enhances the pleasure we get from our partner. If what you are saying was something you have dreamt about for the last 4 years, I would say its your subconscious telling you that your needs are not being met and to work out the problem with your wife. You have taken it a step further and your conscious mind is thinking these things, and for it to be happening for so long, then its a huge need within you for your mind to be stimulated. Why is it important for it to be with a women? Its because we all dream about the perfect relationship where where our partner is our love, our lover, our friend, our confidante. For people to become really close, all those qualities need to be present. You cant hold hands with another man and talk about intimate things...it is not the same. Intimacy is at all levels, not just physical, and to feel really close to someone, like I said all those qualities need to be present...and unless you are gay then being with another man talking about things would not bring about the intimacy you are needing.
You definitely need intellectual and emotional stimulation, so why not persue a woman who you can talk to at that level. I am a single woman and I talk to married men, not about sex, but about feelings, about life, about expectations, about problems and I dont think there is anything wrong with that. Is it that your wife is not your intellectual equal...or is it because she just hasnt got the time to sit down with you for these intimate times?
ICQ is a great tool for finding suitable chat partners....you can download it and its free. Maybe when you find someone who you can get that intellectual intimacy going with, you wont fantasize about it as much, but if your fantasy makes you happy, then there is nothing wrong in it. But you want more and it is becoming a burning desire now. Start chatting, but be ready for some real doozies out there...lol...just keep on trying and you will eventually find the person you connect with at the level you are talking about.
Good luck...chatting isnt bad, its the ones who use it to pick up people that give chatting a bad name. There are liars and cheats on the internet just waiting to "score"...but in real life that happens too. There are also some wonderful people you meet all over the world via chatting. Just give it a go, nothing ventured, nothing gained.
2006-12-11 08:05:32 · answer #2 · answered by rightio 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like your feel you may be lacking the friendship piece of your relationship with your wife. I'm a little bit into dream analysis.
I would encourage you to seek marriage counseling if you feel you cannot talk to your wife to have your needs met.
My husband and I are best friends. We have a great relationship and I wouldn't trade it for anything in the world. It would be hard for me to imagine being with someone I didn't consider as a best friend. All the other areas in life are easier or even more enjoyable with a best friend!
2006-12-11 07:49:32 · answer #3 · answered by Erica, AKA Stretch 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If I were you, I'd go up north to a ski resort. You are going to run into this woman in the ski lodge and spend the rest of your life with her.
It may also mean that the lines of communication between you and your wife aren't that good.
2006-12-11 07:48:49 · answer #4 · answered by Back in the game... 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
ok, well, this is just a complete guess, but maybe it's because it's about finding an emotional, yet still forbidden, attachment to another woman. Sex doesn't always have to be emotional, whereas when you bond with someone through conversation emotions tend to get involved. Possibly?
2006-12-11 07:47:55 · answer #5 · answered by Skyler789 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It relies upon on what you think approximately 'regular'. maximum individuals have desires or fantasies approximately issues they had by no potential somewhat be "into" given the possibility to act on it. If it makes you uncomfortable for him to even think of roughly it, tell him. If he's no longer keen to decrease that tendency, you have have been given a situation. Your companion could by no potential desire you to do something you would be uncomfortable with.
2016-12-30 06:49:47 · answer #6 · answered by devoss 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like you want to bond with someone in a way that you aren't with your wife. Think about how you'd like to feel... can your wife make you feel that way? Open up conversations and don't be afraid to express how you would like to feel. Is it boredom? If so, time to spice things up!
2006-12-11 07:44:35 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Not advice at all. Just thoughts. 1. Harmless daydream
2. Missing intimacy in marriage
hard to tell. I think were it me it would be just a daydream
2006-12-11 09:03:47 · answer #8 · answered by rumbler_12 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋