My mother in law wants to be in the labor room. I dont want her there. I know people say i wont notice but trust me i will. I dont want it to make it a hard delivery because someone is watching that i dont want in there. I am going to be concentrating on something other than being in labor. So i have two questions Who was in the delivery room with you? and how do i tell her i dont want her in there?
2006-12-11 07:01:01 · 48 answers · asked by Anonymous in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Pregnancy
Who told you you won't notice her? You will!
That moment is yours, your hubby and your baby. The rest, is only if YOU want it. Being delivering a baby is a very stressful task, and can be as beautiful as you can make it be, so, talk to your husband, he has to talk to her mother about how you feel.
If she doesn't think you have 'feelings' about her, you should talk to her, too. Just be honest. tell her that she (or just any other than your husband) being there will make you feel out of focus, it makes you feel nervous only to think about it now! She should understand if she is a reasonable person, and if she is not, just tell her that you don't want her there.
Good luck!
2006-12-11 07:05:02 · answer #1 · answered by Mel 4 · 3⤊ 0⤋
I have had 4 babies and the only people in the room with me were my husband, my doctor, and the nurses. You can explain to your mother-in-law (it's a good idea if you and your husband can talk to her together and let your husband to the talking) that the birth of your baby is a private moment when you will become a family. You are happy that she wants to be a part of the excitement, but during the labor and birth just the two of you will be present. She will be welcomed in to see the baby after the birth. If she puts up a fuss, you can do several things. First, don't tell her when you are going to the hospital, but let your husband call her after the baby has arrived. Secondly, tell your doctor that you do not want anyone else in labor and delivery with you except your husband. Finally, when you are in the hospital, tell your labor and delivery nurse that you don't want any visitors. Labor nurses are some of the most formidable people I've ever met and she/he will make sure that no one comes in who you don't want there. Your mother-in-law was not there when your baby was created and she does not need to be there at the birth. My first grandchild is due in April and I would NEVER consider being in the room when my daughter and son-in-law welcome their baby into the world. That is a private moment between the two of them.
2006-12-11 08:36:42 · answer #2 · answered by sevenofus 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Thats a tough one. My mother-in-law was in another state when I had my oldest daughter. I can tell you that she called 50 times, at least. I wish that I would have just turned the phone off, but I didnt want to hurt her feelings. Finally, when I was in the middle of pushing, the phone rang AGAIN. My ex husband answered it and all I could do was scream at him to hang up the f-ing phone and tell that b**ch not to call again. After all was done, and I realized what had happened, I was horrified and wished more than ever that I would have just turned the phone off.
The point is that having a child is a very special and very high-stress time. Having somebody there who you are not comfortable with really isnt an option. she should understand this, as she gave birth herself....so maybe you should approach it like " I would like for my labor it to be very peaceful and quiet, so I am only having ..... in the room. I know you wanted to be there, but I really would be more comfortable this way, and I'll make sure you get to see the baby right after...etc." Make sure you reassure her that it isnt because you dont WANT her there, even if you dont. Believe me, you wont regret it. Having a baby is difficult enough...
I hope I was able to help
2006-12-11 07:10:48 · answer #3 · answered by krikkitsong 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It's completely up to you and no one else who you want in the labor and delivery room. An idea that I was given in my childbirth class was to go ahead and let them in like at the beginning, but if at a point you don't that person(s) in there anymore, you simply pull the nurse to the side or have your hubby do it and let the nurse know you want it to just be you and your hubby and the nurse will tell whoever is in the room that they need to leave, without being mean. The nurse knows more whats going on than anyone else, so the person is gonna leave upon the nurses wishes. Just an idea. Good Luck!
2006-12-11 07:11:57 · answer #4 · answered by Shannon 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well with my son I had (get ready long list).. my mom, my ex, my grandma, my sister, my uncle, my aunt (i think), a family friend, my mom's ex, and my mom's old coworker was in there snapping pictures...So that was at least 9 people...I WAS VERY UNCOMFORTABLE.....How does your husband feel about his mother being there..You wouldn't want to hurt him...I'd just simply tell her that you're not comfortable with the idea of her being there...and if she has a problem, then she doesn't need to come at all...This is a private moment between your husband and you...I am due with my 2nd baby...(I was only 16 with my 1st one, so no one gave me any say in who I wanted in there)... I am 21 now...but anyway, as I was saying I am due with my 2nd baby in 28 1/2 days...and The only people I want AT THE HOSPITAL are my son, my fiance's sister, my sister, my grandma, and his parents. The only one I want in the room with me during delivery is my fiance...I do not want my own mother there at all bc she interferred so much (she acted as if my son was her baby) with my son's birth...But, I do want my mother-in-law there (well future mother-in-law anyway)...And, also my mother just got married to some guy that..is well good for her...but I don't like him very well...and I know if I tell her that I do not want him there either she will through a big fit...With this pregnancy..when I go into labor...I am calling my fiance if he is not home at the time, he calls his family, and I call mine...I have not told my mom anything about not calling her...because if she finds out...she'd prolly set up a steakout at my house and follow me to the birth center...
So, anywho...good luck...
2006-12-11 07:18:38 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I know what you mean. I didn't want my mother in law in the room either but i finally gave in cuz i was so annoyed with my fiances puppy looks.
As far as your questions.....
The nurses and the doctor should tell you the policies of whats gonna go down in L&D, but in case they don't, tell your nurse or nurses how you're feeling, and don't let anyone bully you into something you don't want. If you don't want her there, but don't want it to be all uncomfortable about you or your husband saying anything, later on, with her or anyone else, then tell your nurse who will be on your "guest list" when you go into active labor. The way the nurses told me, they are not only there to help the doctor with your delivery, but are there to act like your bodygaurds if need be. Their main concern is your and the baby's well being.
Hope this helps.
Good luck, many blessings, and have fun! :)
2006-12-11 07:10:15 · answer #6 · answered by Kyanadri82 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
My baby's father was in the room with me. I had a repeat c-section. The delivery of your child is such a precious time for you and the father. You do need to concentrate on the delivery and not your mother in law. You are going to have to explain to your husband that you do not feel comfortable with his mom being in the room with you guys. He should respect your wishes and so should your mother in law. This is a special time for all of you, but mostly you and your baby and you don't need any stress from her being there because the baby will sense that.
2006-12-11 07:10:13 · answer #7 · answered by DawnC36 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
My mom, my husband and my friend from college who wanted to be a midwife were with me for number 1. For number two just my husband. During labor for number two, there were quite a few people in the room at one point, including the mother in law and I told them all to leave. I wasn't nice about it!
I think that you should be able to choose who is in the room and she should understand. You will know who is in the room with you and believe it or not, that stress could actually cause problems with the birth. My opinion is that you should just tell her you are not comfortable with her seeing you that exposed and claim modesty. Or you could just blame it on the doc/midwife. Talk to him or her about it at your next visit. You won't be the first patient to want them to be a barrier between you and an out of place mother in law!
Just remember, it is your birth experience and you need to do whatever you need to do to make it as pleasant as possible. Besides, after that baby comes, your mother in law will have to be nice to you no matter what if she wants to see that kiddo. She'll get over not being in the room.
2006-12-11 07:09:03 · answer #8 · answered by Mom In Training 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I only had my husband and the docs and nurses in with me because I had pre-eclampsia. I wanted to have my sister in with me, as well.
If you do not want your mother-in-law there then just tell her in a very nice way that it makes you uncomfortable. Ask your husband to back you up, that should help.
Maybe tell her that you don't want anyone else in the del room, but hubby, but that you definitely want her at the hospital so that she can see baby right away. That may make her feel like she's still wanted.
Good luck and you are right, the delivery room is all about you, your baby and your husband. You make the call.
2006-12-11 07:06:18 · answer #9 · answered by momofmodi 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I work in Labor and Delivery at a hospital and we have ushered people out of the room based on the patients request. Ask your nurse to help you get her out if you don't want her there. Nurses can take the heat for it so that you don't look like the bad guy. Just talk to her when you get to the hospital for delivery.
I had my third child in September and it was just my husband and I and the staff in the room. That is what we discussed and agreed upon and it worked well for us.
2006-12-11 07:06:41 · answer #10 · answered by PCKDL 1 · 4⤊ 0⤋
This is your pregnancy it should be up to you who is in the room with you to make you as comfortable as you can be. I guess it also depends on who else you were planning on having in the room with you (husband, mother, etc...). At my prenatal class, the public health nurse recommended that you could just say that you're only allowed to have 2 people (if she would buy that) or just have the person come in or leave at a certain point (the nurses would help you carry out your wishes). Maybe you and your husband can talk to her together and say that she can come right in after the birth or something.
Good luck!
2006-12-11 07:16:33 · answer #11 · answered by josi 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋