how can i make this paragraph sound smarter? with like better contractions?

Question

In the following essay I am going to explain how HIV attacks the immune system and can ultimately result in aids. First I am going to explain what is HIV/ aids, and how HVI compromises and attacks the immune system. Second I am going to describe how HVI is detected, transmitted, the symptoms, the tests that are involved. Third I am going to explain what the current treatment to help prolong the life of an aids patient, and the measures that can be taken to prevent the spread of HIV.

Answer 1

First person is not proper for formal writing. You do not need to say "I am going to explain...." or "I am going to describe..." Get rid of the first person altogether.

You need an introductory sentence... instead of "In the following essay I am going to explain.."

I see that you have a sentence for each one of your paragraphs.

What you need to do is write in one sentence what each paragraph is about instead of saying "I am going to explain"

For example: "Although HIV has had adverse affects on infected individuals, there is hope for those who take preventative measures to avoid contact with this virus."

Answer 2

In the following essay I Will explain how HIV attacks the immune system and be a marker for full blown aids.

Initially, I will medically define HIV/Aids and detail how HIV compromises and attacks the immune system.

Subsequently, I will portray how HIV is detected, and transmitted, the symptoms and the myriad of tests surrounding this deadly disease.

Finally, I will conclude my paper with thorough discussion of the current treatment being instituted to help prolong the life of an aids patient, and the measures that must be taken to prevent the spread of HIV.

I hope that this feels a little tighter....I am no great writer by any wild st reach of the imagination.

Sincerely,

Michael P Whelan.

Answer 3

In the following essay I will explain how HIV attacks the immune system and can ultimately result in AIDS. To begin, I am going to explain what HIV/AIDS is, and how HIV compromises and attacks the immune system. Then, I am going to describe how HIV is detected, transmitted, the symptoms, and the tests that are involved. Finally, I am going to explain current treatments that help prolong the life of an AIDS patient, and the measures that can be taken to prevent the spread of HIV.

Just changed some grammer so the paragraph flows easier.

Answer 4

well one thing you want to do is find different transitions. First, Second, and Third is really elementary.(no offense im just giving my opinion) And don't say "I'm going to tell you" or "I'm going to explain" Start it out like this:

What is HIV? What does it do? Where does it come from? How does it work? HIV is a viral disease that attacks your immune system. It ultimately results in aids......etc

Answer 5

first off, start with fixing your opening sentence. don't make it so obvious that this is what your essay is on. try something like 'In which ways does HIV attack the immune system, and how long does it really take to obtain full blown aids?' starting with a question will intice your reader to keep reading. I'm taking that this is an opening paragraph right? please do not list your following paragraphs with numbers, seems very middle years school. to fill your first paragraph, inlcude your info. for the following paragraphs, and beef it up a little. Throw in a quick fact, or question the readers to make them think. And be sure to have transitional sentences to move from paragraph to paragraph. best of luck

Answer 6

For starters:
Instead of saying "first I am going to explain" say: "I will begin by explaining how..."
For your second step say "from there I will go on to describe..."
And the third say "lastly I will provide information on the current forms of treatment, and how they are improving on previous forms of treatment."

How does that do ya?

Answer 7

Eh...it incredibly is incredibly kinda complicated and annoying to envision yet i'm tremendously particular the annoying to envision section has to do with the formatting on Yahoo. yet back to the complicated concern. It has incredibly good strategies in it, yet you purely use the 2d individual too plenty. i do no longer comprehend a thank you to describe what I advise, yet attempt to rewrite the define as statements with out utilising the be conscious 'you'. to illustrate, the sentence "a place the place you walk on my own and would't believe everyone, no longer even your closet spouse, because of the fact they'd in simple terms be a demon attempting to kill you" would desire to get replaced to a minimum of something like "it incredibly is a lonely place, the place even a special spouse would be unable to be depended on. One's closest chum would desire to become a demon with a starvation for loss of existence." Or something alongside those lines. be happy to e mail me if i haven't made myself sparkling or might like greater help. pass to my profile and e mail me there first and that i gets back to you with my actual e mail. :)

Answer 8

Get yourself a good grammar checker. If you have your facts in order, then you need to present them in the best possible light. Contractions are not proper English.

Answer 9

i dont know man!!!