Should you tell if you had an affair and your spouse didn't know (or acknowledge)?

Question

Suppose you had an affair for one night or for six months. You realized that you were insane to risk your family and called it off. There is no stalking ex lover. Would yoou tell? To me, I ask, what do you gain by telling? You hurt your spouse and you destroy trust. Is this a cas eof ignorance is bliss? I am interested in other opinions.

Answer 1

all it does is hurt them and they keep imagining it in their mind even though they forgive

Answer 2

As many have said, please don't tell your spouse. When a person makes a mistake like this, telling a spouse doesn't do anything but make the person who has cheated feel better by letting them unload their secret. And by unloading their secret, they make someone they love alot feel horrible.

You've messed up, and it's your weight to bear. However, even though you do not tell your spouse, there are some important things you should do.

1) Go to the doctor and be tested for any possible STD, even if you don't have symptoms. Some STDs, like herpes, don't show symptoms in all people but can still be spread to others. Make sure you are completely clean so that you don't do more damage to the person you love.

2) Seek counseling from a therapist or spiritual adviser. When you cheat, it's evidence that something is wrong in a relationship. You need to figure out what that is and fix it so it won't happen again. In order to do this you will probably need some outside help. So ask for help and support.

3) Do something really good for your spouse. Think of something very special you can do for the person you love to make them happy. It shouldn't be something money can buy, it should be some action that you can perform that shows your love for your spouse. This is a way to reconnect with that person and BEGIN to bridge the distance created by the affair.

4) Cut off all contact with the person who you cheated with. Do not talk to them. Do not email them. Do not call them. If that means you have to change jobs, find a way to do that. This is something you must do for yourself and your marriage. Don't put yourself in the path of temptation again. Your marriage comes first, before all other things.

Good Luck.

Answer 3

Well, by having an affair, you have already ruined the trust in the relationship. This can never be fully healed. The honesty is gone, therefore only resulting in an unhealthy relationship for the rest of the time you are with this person. Whether you tell the person or not. It's the same thing. You have been unfaithful, therefore, you have lost either way. I really can't tell you what to do because I've never been in this situation and will never be in this situation.

Answer 4

She's taking your for a fool dude. do not enable her out that straightforward. She thinks that one and all she has to do is say that you're incorrect, the phone bill is incorrect and all will bypass away. enable her comprehend up the front that you could not enable it bypass and larger importantly than that, you refuse to enable it bypass without her first acknowledging that she lied and she comes sparkling with the fact. If she keeps including her lies, the subsequent time she is going out, follow her and make an impromptu visit. with techniques from the way; why the heck is she staying with a guy pal over nighttime besides even as she is married to you? If this got here about previously you've been mutually, then certain drop it and bypass on.

Answer 5

No, dont tell. If you really are sorry, and you have really realized all you could loose and you have FOR SURE snapped out of your stupidity, break it off with your lover, and take that secret to the grave with you. UNLESS, there is a possibility that your spouse will find out via 3rd party. But if noone knows and your lover wont tell (and dont be too sure of that...i'll explain later), then dont tell your spouse. On to the lover telling or not....my hubby just had an affair, and his lover wasnt in love or jealous, and i confronted her and him, and they both lied for weeks. Finally one day out of the blue, she called me and told me everything. And it wasnt cuz she wanted him, she had moved on with a new BF. I guess she just got to feelng guilty and told me that if it was her, she would want to know what a pig she's married to and that is why she told me. So, good luck with all that. Things have a way of coming out in the end.

Answer 6

If you realised that it was a mistake and certain it wont happen again then it makes sense not to tell. Affairs in this case can help strengthen your appreciation of your spouse positively affecting the relationship. So long as the issue is resolved then no, dont tell.

xx

Answer 7

Suppose this, You had a affair you didn't tell your significant other and now you have broken any trust that was there. In this case it is ignorance as he or she will get caught sooner or later whether it is one time or many. My own opinion for your question is for the person who cheated to come clean or they'll always be a cheat and a liar (where is all of that trust now?) whichever it is they prefer.

Answer 8

Its unfair to the spouse.

I would even go so far as if the society wouldn't allow it, then maybe not telling to avoid embarrassment for her would be ok since if ya share a bed she would have a sense of it already.

However, its unfair to mess up a relationship, even secretly, without at least telling the girlfriend and or spouse. People who are close owe each other at least that I think. You don't have to share every detail but they should be aware of the gist of whats happening.

Wouldn't you want that sort of respect? Then give it too.

Answer 9

Well first of all, you are at risk for an STD as is your spouse. As yourself why you had the affair, what was lacking in your marriage.

If you do tell your spouse are you ready to accept the consequences? If not, are you ready to live with the guilt of knowing? Only you can truly know.

Answer 10

No! Keep to to yourself. Take it to your grave, if you want to keep your husband/wife! Like you said there is nothing to gain and you've learned from your mistake.
Your family didn't deserve the betrayal in the first place and the don't deserve the pain that will come from revealing it to them.
If you still love your husband/wife make it up to him by being the best wife/husband and mother/father you can be and don't ever be unfaithful again. DON'T TELL! DON'T ADMIT ! NEVER ACKNOWLEDGE that it even happened. As far as you're concerned it didn't.

Answer 11

No don't tell, one stupid mistake doesn't call for a ruined family. You have learned your lesson now, make up for your mistake by being faithful from now on. It is hard to have someone understand that you have done something that stupid and especially for them to believe that you wouldn't do it again because you have learned your lesson. I mean, would you? Just be thankful that you didn't bring you or your spouse an STD, that is a blessing all in itself.