What should I do? I found my daycare provider's husband on yahoo personals for singles looking to date.?

Question

Do I tell her, and if I do tell her, what would be the best way of telling her?

Answer 1

We are in the age of AIDS people! A cheating spouse can cost this woman her life... this is not a matter to walk lightly away from.
Personally I would print up the site or the link, and then "accidentally" leave it in her daycare (on her desk or in her in box) for her to find. She may already know, and yes, they may be swingers, but if so, he should be sticking to swinging websites and club lists...
If she is not aware of his activities, then an anon. tip is the kindest thing to do... allows her to digest it at her own rate and save face with the people she has to see on a regular basis.
If she is fine with it, then that leaves her the option of not having to explain it to anyone as well. Good luck, I do not envy you this situation- dd

Answer 2

I'm so sorry. My ex did that and it broke my heart. My advice to you is that you have just the tip of the iceberg and that he is doing other things too, such as meeting other women, etc.. I found out the hard way that there really is no way to stop this behavior. Counseling didn't help, promises didn't help, threats to divorce didn't help. He "cheated" every chance he got, telling women on line that he was divorced, etc.. I prayed and worried and suffered for five more years before I got out and found a man who has integrity. It was very hard to give up on an 18-year marriage, but his behavior wouldn't change - until I filed for divorce. Then, he was willing to do anything, but it was too late because all trust and respect was gone. I guess what I'm trying to tell you is that for every one letter you saw, there were probably five or more that you don't know about - and why would you care? If he's a cheat, he's a cheat and you need to call him on it immediately. Please don't be duped like I was. It's not just a "playing around" activity - it's cheating and it's abusive. If you don't confront him and resolve the issue it will eat you alive and destroy whatever may be left of your marriage. Don't worry about more evidence - just get him alone and have it out. Good luck and God bless.

Answer 3

You've got to tell her. Imagine if you were in her place, wouldn't you rather find out through someone telling, than having your husband tell you he has found someone else? take your laptop, or print out some stuff about it before you confront her. you want to make sure you're right. tell her without her husband there, and make sure that you start out by explaining that the only reason why you're saying anything is that you care about her, and you would hope she would do the same for you. She is going to be really upset, so show her support, plan on staying a while, and comforting her.

Keep in mind that by telling her you have involved yourself, so be sure that that is indeed her husband. In the long run, he made the mistake, anybody could have seen that on the computer, and he needs to be out of her life. Good luck!

Answer 4

You do not necessarily have to tell her. If she has access to the Internet, ask her if you can borrow it for a minute. Locate the profile, and leave it on the screen... You could also say, "Hey, I found this interesting website...give her the complete addy... I do not think that she will be upset at you if you attached your bill to a note that reads, "I am sorry for any upset that this may cause you, but I found something that you might want to know about." However, I LIKE JINNY'S IDEA...this will leave you in the clear.

Answer 5

It depends. If you are a very close friend to you daycare provider, I say yes. Long you know they do not have an "open relationship" If you are more of an acquaintance, where your relation is more business, or you don't their lifestyle, then no. You don't want to rock waves because although you are trying to help, it can still backfire on you.

Answer 6

Find a way to tell her. My ex husband was doing the same thing, and one of my co-workers found his ad. I thank god that she told me so that I could see the light early on. I also thank god that I left him because now I have a wonderful husband. If you don't want to get involved, then anonymously give her a print-out of his ad. Do not listen to people who say "don't get involved." Take it from someone who's been there--she needs to know. Again, you can do it anonymously.

Answer 7

I found my next door neighbours husband on yahoo personals, I spoke with him about it, he told me they were divorcing, so maybe that's what happening there. Be careful in your decision as it could end your daycare provider. I once told a good friend her boyfriend was messing around (I actually caught him in action), she did not believe me and our friendship ended.

Answer 8

Been there, done that. Here's how I handled it.

First, I told my spouse what had happened and what I was going to do and I had her support.

Second, I told the CHEATER that I was going to tell the SPOUSE unless he did.

I also told the CHEATER that they must both come to me in person and either thank me for what I did or admonish me together, in person.

When that didn't happen, I assumed the CHEATER didnt' say anything, so I told his wife directly, with my wife present.

Turns out he had been cheating on her for years, even hit on my wife, and they are now divorced. The Cheater is miserable and hates me and my wife, the wife is now dating her divorce lawyer.

Go figure.

Answer 9

I would talk to the husband and say "I didn't know you two were getting a divorce". I saw your ad on yahoo personals, I must remember to tell (wife) Im sorry about your break up..... nuff said!!!

Answer 10

Write her a note saying, You need to look this up and give his user name. Do it anonymously if you prefer. Or just tell her straight that you found him when you were checking things out...maybe its old you never know...yeah right!