For women. Is security, having someone else's surname, more important in a marriage than happiness?

Question

Are women able to overlook differences for this point? Are they able to lie and convince themselves they are compatible with this person just for the sake of security?

Answer 1

Happily unmarried for 12 years now!

Answer 2

You have to "overlook" *some* things. When two people are together, there are bound to be disagreements on how to do things, and both people will inevitably have to give up *something* in order to make things work. Security is important, love is important, enjoying another person's company is important, compatibility is important, mutual respect is important, compromise is important. How important each aspect is relative to the others is something that each person decides for themselves. This is the case where the whole is so much bigger than the sum of its parts. To narrow it down to "security" alone, or "love" alone, or "compatibility" alone is simple-minded. If I didn't feel secure with my husband, I would have never married him, no matter how "compatible" we were. Compatibility is nice when you're choosing a roommate or a friend - but so many other things come into play when you're choosing a spouse.

And yes, I do have someone else's surname... My dad's. What does that have to do with happiness or marriage?

Answer 3

Many women will prefer that but it's probably because they never felt true love or don't care about it... Because any woman led by her heart would prefer being in a maybe not so secur situation, but being in love over her head. Maybe it's because those who prefer that "security" have lost hope on real hapiness and figure they might as well make one thing secure. I sure know that i'd chose hapiness over money any day. When you're happy, you don't need anything else. It's one thing to lie to yourself but i think it's a miserable way to live. But it does exist... just have to be sure someone loves you for you and not for "security"... unless somebody doesn't mind. Hope this could help a little...

Answer 4

Yes, I think so in some cases. I feel like I fooled myself for years in my marriage. I truthfully didn't love him when we married (because I was pregnant), but I loved the idea of being married and having someone to lean on. I didn't know just how much we didn't get along and how much I really disliked him until we got divorced and I found other men that I was compatible with and attracted to. I needed the security - financial and otherwise, so I stayed married when I should have walked out on a cheating, lying, manipulative louse.

Answer 5

Any woman with a brain won't overlook obvious differences (ie conflicts) with a man she wants to marry. Some women do this but live to regret it. Not all women do, most think twice before taking on a marriage.....there is just too much to lose these days.

Answer 6

Women should be independent, and shouldnt have to rely on a man for security. I rather be married because im in love with the person. Marriage should be based on Love, respect, and honesty. I rather be poor and happy, than miserable because i married someone just for security reasons. I couldnt live with myself for doing such a thing like that.

Answer 7

I think it depends on the woman, for some women, security is happiness, or more important that other issues

Answer 8

I know that I couldn't do that. I wouldn't want to be in a marriage unless I was going to be happy with that person, not what my surname would be. Why would you want to marry someone that would be basicly faking the whole marriage. It would be a disaster.

Answer 9

Many women do this and its wrong and a testament of their character. Too afraid or lazy to make their own way on their own terms. These types think NO other woman has gone throught what they have...what they fail to realize is there WERE and ARE women who have paved the way and shown them how to be SELF-SUFFICIENT. I have low tolerance for folk who just GIVE UP!!!

Answer 10

Depends on the woman.