Do you think that my exes girlfriend is trying to compete with me?

Question

My ex has a new girlfriend of 2 months. The first day she met my son, she gave him a gift certificate for 35.00 and a birthday card telling him how cute he is. He's 15. She has taken my daughter who is 17 to get their nails done and a massage, and buys my son expensive clothes. My son came home last night with a plate full of cookies that she made and told him to make sure he gave some to his mom. I have never met her.Although I do appreciate her nice gestures, I cant help but wonder what her motives are. All of his other g/f's havent been very nice to them, so I am thankful that he found someone who will treat them kind. However, I still have that nagging feeling that she is trying to compete with me. My ex is still quite bitter for me divorcing him because he was a choronic cheater and my sis thinks that he is behind it all trying to push my buttons. Your insite is greatly appreciated.

Answer 1

Your nagging feeling is only normal. I'm guessing your concern is more about your children. And it is only normal for her to try and impress and establish a good image upfront with your ex.

Now, if you have the kids and he's just visiting with them once in a while, then you should have the right to at least advise them what you feel. Kids naturally tend to see those nice gifts and treatment they receive. As a parent, you have the right and responsibility to make them be aware of any possible consequences.

Please don't jump to any conclusions about her yet. You'll have to give her the benefit of doubt. And I don't believe she's trying to compete with you. I'm guessing she's trying to establish a good rapport with your ex and the kids he loves/cares for.

Your children, though young, are old enough to understand if you sat down with them and gave them genuine advise while telling them that you trust them to make the right decisions. Be close to your children, spend quality time with them, and talk to them.

Answer 2

While I can understand why you might feel a bit annoyed by all this (I would, too!), it is also good that she has taken interest in your children and does not treat them like dirt. My parents divorced when I was 9 and all his girlfriends were snotty & mean to my brother and I. He had a knack for picking young women with no kids and no understanding of how to be a good step-parent, or at the very least, the girlfriend of a man with 2 kids.

I don't think she's trying to compete - if she is, it's WAY too late to win, LOL, and will likely be in vain. Your children are too old to be swayed that easily.

Answer 3

I don't know, it's hard to say - but I share your feeling that it might be just a bit over the top. It is possible that she's just an exceptionally nice and generous person - but usually it takes anyone a little while to "warm up" to new people, including one's b/f's almost-grown kids. Perhaps she's feeling a bit insecure, and is trying to go an extra mile to pretend it is not so? I don't think her motives are necessarily sinister, it is very likely that she means well. But there IS such a think as being too nice too soon.

Answer 4

I Think That She Is Just Trying To Be Nice To The Kids. They Are Older So It Is Harder To Get Them To Like "Dad's New G/F".

I Would Probably Do The Same Things To Try to Get My B/Fs Kids To Like Me.

She Is Not Trying To Offend You I Don't Think, At Least It Doesn't Seem Like It.

Answer 5

I don't think she is15 and just trying to be nice, how old is your husband.? He is dating jail bait, if she is 2 years younger than your daughter, WOW he must like them young. No joke she is still a kid and she is really being nice, no problem there. But really me is what in hell is he doing dating 15 year old, that is what I would be worried about 2 younger than his own daughter. I'd have a talk with that little man all about prisons sentences because you sure don't want him to stop child support just because he got locked up for being pervert.

Answer 6

I don't think that she is trying to compete with you so much as I feel like she is trying to do things to get your ex's attention. I have been in that situation too and im a matter of fact if the g/f wants to go out and spend money on my daughter to get his attention then let her. That saves you money. Don't get offended. Its not you its her trying to go the extra mile to get his attention

Answer 7

Its hard to say at this point. My man has an ex too that he had children with and they are teenagers as well.....I am VERY good to his kids, like the woman you are describing but in NO WAY am I competing with his ex...that is just preposterous.....I genuinely like his kids...I like kids in general so perhaps she is like me, in that way.

I think in this instance, only time will tell...the longer those two stay together, will give you your answer, by her actions in the future.

Answer 8

Maybe she is just a little insecure and WANTS your kids to like her too. Being accepted by the kids as the new step-mom can be very difficult and she might be feeling over whelmed. Give it time and you will know if it's honest.

Answer 9

If anything, I'd say she was trying to prove to your ex that she's worth keeping. I don't think it has to do with competing with you. If you feel she is overstepping boundries or being inappropriate with your kids, then you have every right to say something. Otherwise, be happy that your kids feel comfortable with his girlfriend and that she's making an effort with them.

Answer 10

Remember, she cannot, CANNOT compete with you. You are the mother of those children and even though she may be nice to them and they enjoy the benefits of it, you will always be their mother and they LOVE YOU and will always. Be thankful she is being nice to them, if it continues then wonderful for your children. Children deserve all the love they can get.