My daughters are 14 and 16, their Dad buys them everything that they want all year and especially large ticket items at Christmas. I am divorced from their Dad and dont make as much money as he does, so the gifts that I give are usually smaller to them but very hard for me to give. The problem that I am having this year is that my girls are rude, unhelpful and unappreciative. They demand that things be their way and when they are not they make me feel like crap...but Dad who has all the money can do no wrong... I only make 178 a week, their step Dad (Who they dont like and pick on) Buys them most of there stuff for Christmas, He already bought them" COACH" shoes and some nice Jewlery, I feel that they dont deserve anything else and that until they can learn to be nicer and more appreciative....Christmas has been cancelled. other than the things already bought. Am I wrong? Should I try to make them happy with more of the things that they had on their lists? I just want them to be happy.
2006-12-11 05:19:18 · 20 answers · asked by skipper 4 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
THANK YOU EVERY ONE. I WILL BE MAKING THEM DONATE SOME OF THEIR TIME AND MONEY TO HELPING OTHERS....THANK YOU SO MUCH
2006-12-13 02:47:33 · update #1
Sounds like their Dad is trying to "buy their love", and according to your story, it is working. You are taking care of them the best way you can with what you have, they have no right to be disrespectful to you. They should be thankful that they have a roof over their head, clothes on their back, and food to eat. As far as the stepdad thing goes, he is buying them things, which he doesn't have to do, that shows that he cares about them, and they can't return that kindness? Sorry, but they both need a reality check, and they need some responsibilties if they want the "finer" things in life. In answer to your question about getting them some of the things on their list? NO, not until they can show you and your husband some respect and have some responsibilities in their own life. Sorry to be so harsh, Good-luck!!
2006-12-11 05:39:48 · answer #1 · answered by CaReBeAr 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like your girls need to understand the real meaning of Christmas. It is the season of giving....not the season of recieving. Maybe you could "adopt a family" for Christmas...you know they always have poor families in need of just 1 gift for each of their kids. Get them involved so they can see that everyone is not as fortunate or as blessed as they are. Usually they'll give you a little background on the family & then have 1 thing that each child really wants. You'd be amazed at how simple they're requests are...ie...a new pair of shoes, a coat, a game, a doll. This would be a great way to teach them the real meaning of Christmas & show them how blessed they are. I think it would be something they would not soon forget. They may fuss about having to do it at first, but i think it will be a positive experience for them in the long run. Good Luck & Merry Christmas!
2006-12-11 05:30:51 · answer #2 · answered by vanhammer 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Cancel Christmas and any other gift giving holiday! They need to learn that overly self empowered young females read too much into the glamorized Hollywood I can make my life by being a little princess. Send them off to flip burgers at McDonalds and have them pay for their own stuff for a while, until then you will have a big problem on your hands, let alone one day when they realize they can't find a sugar daddy to be a Trophy for.
Good luck to you!
2006-12-11 05:24:12 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds to me like the girls need a good old fashioned christmas. One where they can learn to appreciate what they have.. and what others do not. Set your family up to do some volunteer work at a local homeless shelter. Let them see just how lucky they are or have THEM sponser a needy child and buy gifts for that child this holiday. Sometimes all they need is a shot of reality in their eggnog. The kids are probably great kids just need to learn what christmas is all about.
2006-12-11 05:23:23 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
not your job to make them happy, not your job to buy them items, name brand or not.
you have one job and only one job:
" to be a parent that teaches their childrent the rules of the world and to ensure they are productive well maintained citizens for that world. "
I would cancel christmas, I would tell the step dad to return the coach and other items.
I would then get ahold of the local soup kitchen or church and find needy places for the hoidays for help. As in go volunteer with the girls, make them dish out food to the homeless. Or take the few dollars you were gonna spend on them and make them buy small toys and items to be given away to the poor instead.
And I don't mean just buy a few toys and drop off in a box. But buy the toys and actually drive the streets in the projects and personally hand them out, one on one. Let the girls see what life really is and how it really works. That is not a life of pretty toys and crap to wear.
If you don't bust this image of the world that they have now....it will only get worse and worse. If you think its bad now, it will be 10 fold within the next 3 years.
They need to realize there is more to life than junk w/ fancy names on it. They need to realize people go without food daily around them, without shelter around them, etc.
Cancel the fake chrismtas we have today......and go back to the original meaning of christmas.......GIVING TILL IT HURTS.
I'd even go as far as making the girls give up some of their personal items. And I don't mean clean out junk they no longer use....but take items they use daily, wear all the time or just past addore. Make them give up those items to the poor and homeless. Giving till it hurts!!
My two step brothers, 18, 19 are the matching twins to your girls. Last year I canceled christmas and refused to buy them anything at all. I am continuing this even this year till they choose to change.
2006-12-11 05:31:10 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
That is terrible that your girls don't appreciate that you are trying your best. At this age, especially now with shows on MTV like sweet 16 girls are rebellious and often mean towards their parents. They will grow out of it in time. You are very lucky to have found a man that loves your daughters enough to buy them presents that he knows they will enjoy. I would talk with their real dad and try to agree on a price range to spend on gifts so that one of you isn't outdoing the other. I'd also sit down and talk with your girls and let them know that you are trying your best and that it really hurts your feelings when you go out of your way to make them happy and they don't appreciate it. Sometimes people just need to hear things like that to realize the way they have been acting. I hope that everything figures itself out and I hope you all have a good holiday.
2006-12-11 05:28:51 · answer #6 · answered by jenny 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Instead of canceling Christmas, start a new family tradition. Volunteer as a family to serve meals at a shelter. This will show them that there are people with nothing the true joy of the holiday is family. In Jan. 2007 try family counseling. If your insurance doesn't pay for it, check with county services.
2006-12-11 05:29:08 · answer #7 · answered by ladytc 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I just love hearing happy Christmas stories that mirror my own when I was raising 3 stepdaughters. For years the wife and I would struggle on a paltry salary to get nice gifts for the kids only to be outdone with the ex-husband's gifts of leather coats, cash, more clothing and damn near any type of electronic gadgets that the kids could ask for.
Your cancelling of Christmas is improper. In fact, downright Grinch-like if you ask me. This can only bring you more grief and aggravation than you'll care to have in your life. I would however use some type of leverage to get them to straighten their act out. Squeezing them out of cheerleading activities and planned trips that you may have arranged for you and them would be curtailed drastically. They're contributions to the general order and maintainance of the household would be increased in its place with the reminder that exceptional work results will reap benefits whereas poor and sloppy work results will only mean that they'll be doing that particular task over again until it meets your approval.
And don't kid yourself. "You just want to make them happy". They are. If they weren't do you think they'd be staying with you or would they be making a big push to go with the ex? making them happy by providing them with material things is not the answer. They're just being selfish and as usual with any teenagers, concentrating on just themselves because lets face it..that's what teenagers do and screw everyone else.
Two of my stepdaughters were so fed up with my wife and I making them knuckle under that they decided to pack up and move in with their father. Guess what? It was the best 2 weeks my wife and I ever had until they found out that their father made me look like Little Lord Fauntelroy. They asked...nay....begged to come back to our house and they were welcomed. Naturally with a caveat or two applied since they had left. After all....it was their choice to leave but ours to allow them back with the full understanding that new rules are now in place. From that point on the mere mention of.."Well...I expect it do be done. What I'm asking isn't unreasonable aannndd....there is another option if you don't like it here". That usually produced results. Good luck and hopefully they'll discover the true meaning of giving and receiving. Maybe they need to be tied to a chair and forced to watch Dicken's Christmas Carol over and over.
2006-12-11 06:42:07 · answer #8 · answered by Quasimodo 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Happiness is not found in material things. They only bring temporary pleasure.
If you really want to make an impact on your girls, have them serve food to the homeless on Christmas Day. Teach them that posessions are only temporary, but love and respect for others makes a permanent impact.
I guarantee you, 25 years down the road, they will not remember those "COACH" shoes, but they will NEVER forget that they helped the homeless.
2006-12-11 05:29:35 · answer #9 · answered by Fan Of The Game 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I have the same problem with my kids. I'm not divorce but my child unhelpful & unappreciative too! I think you are doing the right thing and I think I will do the same. Good-luck and remember 18 is right around the cornor.
2006-12-11 05:42:25 · answer #10 · answered by Cheryl C 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋