Arranged Marriages._?

Question

How would you regard arrange marriages ?

What would you do if you had a sneaking suspicion that your parents are trying to pull one over your eyes ?


Kindly include culture for frame of reference.
(To get the ball rolling, how different is this to speed dating in the element of uncertainty?)

Answer 1

Disclaimer: what follows applies equally to both guys and girls.

I am from Pakistan. I was born there but raised here in the USA. My own household is as traditional as you can get. My parents themselves had an arranged marriage and they had not even seen each other until they got married even though they were engaged for over two years.

At first, I had the American perspective on arranged marriage (obviously). For example, that it sucks. Men and women should be given rights. They should meet each other, get to know each other, and be very comfortable with each other and things of the sort.

And then, something happened in my life which totally changed me around. On top of that, I went to Pakistan. And I realized that arranged marriages are not that bad. Sometimes it is just best to let your parents make your decisions for you. You parents have been with you for longer than anybody else has. They know you better than anybody else and because of this they have a much better chance of finding someone suitable for you. They have a lot more experience than you. They have seen the world far more than you have. They have just lived longer.

You see, the thing is that usually young people are very foolish. You have just gained your "independence". You have just stepped in the world and you want to take over it. You have just discovered money and how colorful life can be. Therefore, your decisions can be foolish too. When you are young, you are at your prime physically but certainly not mentally. People just "want to" fall in love and commit actions without fully realizing their long-term effects. By the time, the effects start showing up, it is usually too late.

This is most obvious in Western cultures with things such as divorce rates. People marry their high-school sweethearts and then have kids and then realize that they "are not in love" anymore. They become impatient and unwilling to compromise. And then, the inevitable outcome is seperation or divorce.

I have seen far too many marriages fail (that were "love" marriages) to be convinced that "love" marriage is the best option. Usually, the difference is just in the lifestyle, the way people live. And when they get together, there is friction between the two. And I am talking about both desi and non-desi couples.

Now for the second part of your question, if you suspect that your parents are trying to pull a fast one over your eyes (and TRUST me, I have had that happened more than once), then simply just wait and be quiet. They won't listen to you (yet) if you talk to them and protest or outright deny them. Just be quiet and wait, let them arrange whatever they want and when they FIRST approach you, just say no. Then you just say no outright and then stay firm on it. If they try to eomtionally blackmail you (or whatever) then tell them that this is what they get for "arranging" everything before even bothering to let you know let alone asking you.

You must stay firm on your rejection otherwise you will undermine your credibility. This has worked wonders for me and now they simply don't bother me. You see, desi parents don't like to be embarassed in public or in front of the relatives, especially when they know that they are the ones at fault and they made a mistake.

All of this, of course, works if you don't like the mate your parents have chosen at all. What I recommend is that you make a genuine effort to see him/her. Talk a bunch of times with the other person and see if you have something going on. If it clicks, no harm done. If it doesn't, no harm done. Don't say no just BECAUSE your parents have chosen him/her. S/he might be "better" than you thought possible. S/he might be the one.

As for speed dating, I am not the authority to speak on that. I have nothing to say on that.

Answer 2

If love is the only reason you're turning out to be married...awaken!! love can't be the only reason, thats a definite recepie to disaster while existence gets genuine!!a stable marriage is what creates love and love comes with time and age and on condition that the two considered one of you're keen to make issues artwork....I even have had numerous relationships till now marriage...yet i had an arranged marriage, coz our objectives in existence have been an identical, our values matched, our theory of a soul mate matched and love occurred as we grew in togetherness...i replaced into of the opinion arranged marriages have been unusual, yet mine and a lot of like mine are basically wonderous....its an entire diverse holiday of understanding and learning yet another who's walking an identical miles which you fairly prefer to stroll in existence...arranged marriage any day yet God Bless you come across the purrfect one, like i did... :)