About two months ago my husband went to a bachalor party out of town. This same weekend I went out with a few friends(male and female) One of my really good friends is a guy and we came back to my house after the bars. Things just got out of hand. I have always been attracted to this guy and he is the complete oppisite of my husband...attentive, considerate and intellectually stimulating. For a long time we talked about the problems in my marriage, and we ended up sleeping together. I feel awful, I admitted to my husband what happened as soon as he returned. He then admitted to me that he has been going to strip clubs with his friends for years and lying to me about it. (This has always been an issue with me.) We are trying to start of with a clean slate and I am greatful that he wants to work it out, but he refuses to go to counseling and we are both still very hurt over the lies and the cheating. How do I make this up to him and how do I get over his lies to me? HELP!!!!
2006-12-11 05:06:53 · 15 answers · asked by lilhaysmom 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
My marriage has been through a betrayal and we are happier than we have ever been now. It can be done, but the answers are very different for everyone. Both of you must commit to making things right, and get into counseling. Anyone who does not want to go to counseling is someone not willing to take responsibility for their side of things. Perhaps your husband is afraid that the counselor will judge him. This could not be further from the truth. Both of you need to get your issues out on the table and dig deep inside to what's at the core. Is monogamy important to both of you? If it is, then commit to it in all ways (which includes complete honesty on everything), if monogamy is not important, there is an entire community of people out there that maintain trust within a sexually non-monogamous relationship. What about bringing the issues you hide from each other into your relationship so that they are shared instead of hidden? Can each of you step outside the boxes you define your relationship by and bond together by defining new boxes? Don't let your fears get in the way of a healthy relationship if you truly love your husband. All things can be solved if you are both willing to openly admit your feelings and deal with your deepest fears.
2006-12-11 05:22:23 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
There is no making up for cheating. The two of you must really mean it when you say that you forgive each other. It all starts with forgiveness. Once that happens then make sure your action are equal to your words.
You will never forget the lying and the cheating but with time if your words and your actions are the same you will move past it
2006-12-11 06:14:50 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
you cannot compare the two. I can see strip clubs putting a FINANCIAL strain on a marriage, as well as emotional if it is on a continual basis, but not like actual cheating. plus you didnt just cheat to get laid you cheated on an emotional level as well. I have to say if my wife cheated on me I would never really get past it, I could try, but it would always be hanging over our heads probably coming out when we fight and stuff. just being honest.
2006-12-11 05:21:28 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You will both have to go overboard on earning each others trust again. But first you will both have to clear the air by being completely honest about the past. You both will also have to be prepared to completely ready to forgive. Also, you will have to agree to never bring up the past during arguements,(You forgave, remember?). Know up front that most relationships dont recover and it will be hard work. I googled Cheating Spouse and found some answers to your question....good luck.
2006-12-11 05:15:57 · answer #4 · answered by Star Tech 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
well the first real step was both your confesions, but i dont always agree with honesty is the best policy. However i agree that you will both need counseling. I do not think that a seperation should become a discussion because if you love each other, than a seperation is only going to open doors for other people and you dont wan that because it will only make things worse.
2006-12-11 05:23:15 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Honey if you already have proof he is cheating ("So I think my bf is cheating doing the online thing I do have proof, but he hides his "cookies" temp files that can trace what you are doing online.. ") why would you want to continue torturing yourself looking for more evidence? Just kick him to the curb noone deserves to be cheated on. I know its easier said than done because I'm sure you love him, but love yourself more. No guy is ever worth your tears.
2016-03-13 05:44:35 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Looking at strippers and drinking beer is in no way comparable to having sex and cheating. I imagine you prefer to dwell on this rather than the fact that you slept with someone else.
To answer your questiion there really is no way to make it up.
YOU CHEATED!
2006-12-11 05:24:34 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I can't tell you how to get over his lies because l don't know you and you are the only one who can figure that out. Now seeing that you both did each other wrong, why not just forget all about it? l know it might be hard for the 2 of you, but every relationship takes work and effort.
Good luck to the 2 of you
2006-12-11 05:13:21 · answer #8 · answered by amarilysusa 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It is obvious that you do indeed need some help in sorting out your feelings.... each of you has betrayed your marriage, so you are both at square one.... with or without help, you will be more than two years patching this thing up. It will be easier if you go, and a better "patch" job if you do go.... Betrayal in marriage is THE deal-breaker.... it is easier to unscramble an egg than to repair a broken marriage, but you have little chance to do so without some professional help.
2006-12-11 05:24:03 · answer #9 · answered by April 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Counseling. If that is not an option communication (honest, open) communication tween u 2 is needed. If maybe painful in the beginning but once everything is out in the open and no more secrets you'll have a clear view to the future
2006-12-11 05:12:38 · answer #10 · answered by M.D. 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋