Any one who is a step parent or step kid have some good advice for having a great relationship with yr step kid, especially when she has a strong relationship with her biological mom already?
2006-12-11 04:56:43 · 14 answers · asked by 12879 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Don't try to be a mom to her. Just try to be her friend, but let her warm up to you gradually. If you push yourself on her, she will resent it and push you away. Be friendly but not overly friendly. Just let her know that you are on her side and will help her whenever she needs help. And say only good things about her mom. Also, let her have time alone with her dad -- she might be jealous of your time with him, so don't think you always have to be included.
2006-12-11 05:01:38 · answer #1 · answered by Anniesgran 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
that's the time for his Dad to step up and grasp the placement, that is his son, his ex and actually besides the fact that it invades your place... that is his concern. Your interest is to back him up and make specific the greater youthful guy knows he's enjoyed and valued. make specific he's conscious of that no rely what happens he's enjoyed by using ALL his moms and dads (that contains you) or maybe however you experience such as you're basically his stepmother he nonetheless desires your guidance and enter, being variety and doubtless attempting to be information in direction of his mom will help him learn how to be empathetic in direction of others. The biggie is this... all the adults in contact could recover from the sentiments surrounding the activities and take a seat down at the same time to return to a call what's terrific for the youngster. in case you could, hit upon a counselor / pastor / youngster's advise to take a seat down with you all and make specific the greater youthful guy or woman's desires are being considered and met. in case you basically needed somebody to tell you which you're dazzling and he or she's incorrect then i'm sorry, yet because of the fact which you're all adults it's time to place HIM first and forget approximately something.
2016-10-18 02:55:23 · answer #2 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
There will be a few critical times in your relationship when what you say or do will determine the relationship w/ your step child.
You will know when they approach. And how you handle it will tell the child a lot about you.
Example; smoothing something over for her w/ her dad, or not telling on her for something that she knows you could and maybe should tell. Or picking up on the fact that she no longer wants frogs to be the theme of her room, hence, you get dad to quit buying her something "froggy" as each gift. Maybe it will be picking up tickets for a concert to her fave band, so that just the two of you can go. Or maybe for her to go w/ her father if they're not seeing a lot of each other lately.
There will be several small defining moments in your relationship. Think of things from her point of view. Show her that you're there for her, but not trying to be pushy or to tell her father how to parent.
Once she knows that she can trust you, you will have a friend for life.
Good luck!
Happy Holidays!
2006-12-11 05:11:05 · answer #3 · answered by Josi 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Best advice is to not try to take the place of her biological mother. Be there for your step daughter, and don't treat her like a "step".
In other words, love and respect her as much as you would your own child.
Kids are sometimes confused and hurt when their parents divorce and remarry someone else. Be aware that there may be some hard feelings about this coming from her.
Respect her thoughts and include her in your life as much as you can.
Just put yourself in her shoes and treat her how you would want to be treated.
Good luck
2006-12-11 05:05:15 · answer #4 · answered by bux_martinfan 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Time is the most important factor. Also you need to think about the prospect of the girl not liking you..That's OK too, because she is not your child.. What really matters is your relationship with your husband..he married you and loves you...What more do you really need? I don't mean to sound harsh but sometimes you have to face realities. Being a stepmparent is a real wake up call. I am a step parent myself and the suggestion I give to you is give it time, take no nonsence,be yourself and the rest doesnot matter.
2006-12-11 05:06:07 · answer #5 · answered by Andrea W 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Never ever get in between parent and biological child. Don't take nothing personal and to heart from the child. Never ever put spouse in position to choose between you and child. Try to understand spouse position and they are intending to make anyone play second fiddle. Blended families are VERY HARD on the PARENT.........and no-one respects that or considers it. The parents catches hell both ways and usually the one hurt most when there is problems.
The step parent and the children are usually the ones complaining most when they aren't the ones suffering.
Take it or leave, but I know!
2006-12-11 05:01:46 · answer #6 · answered by Wondrin Dude 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
dont kiss-up. just be your kind self. pressure & stress only causes frustration and dis-appointment if you dont get a appreciative response from her. Just try to be cool with her mom, but not tight because you dont want her in ur life either. Become involved in childs accademics, hobbies & her needs because you dont want to be excluded when the childs mom and ur man are spending time over it and ur not involved. Remember that to a childs mind, you are whats keeping mom & dad from getting back together, so no matter what you do!....dont expect too much in return. Do what you do without expecting anything in return or you will be disappointed & upset.
2006-12-11 05:34:58 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I found it best to let the parents do the parenting and you get to be their best friend. It has worked for me, and my step kids think I am the best stepmom ever!
2006-12-11 05:02:01 · answer #8 · answered by Ellyn 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Just be there for them. The step children do not have to love you, but they have to respect you.
My first year as a step parent was touch because I expected outrageous things from them. I was naive in the sense that I thought they would love and accept me. "Boy was I wrong!"
They will put you through millions of tests to break your unity. I learned early, that I was not the one that had authority to punish them. In eleven years time, I have only had to reinforce one punishment for my oldest stepson...
I was driving down the road with my oldest stepson, and one of his friends...the day was going great, until he decided to give a couple walking down the road the, "Friendly Bird." I was in shock and outraged but I chose to handle the situation as an adult. Because I knew the couple that he flipped off, I turned the truck around, and I made him apologize. I also had to tell his father...who laughed hysterically. My husband chose not to undermine my punishment.
Two years after that incident, both of my stepsons' came to me and apologized for all of their behavior. From that moment on, I realized that my stepsons' had matured into respectful adolescents'.
Shortly after that, my husband and I divorced. It was actually my stepsons' that helped to get us back together. After our second wedding, my youngest stepson looked at me with tears in his eyes and said, "Glad to have you back mom!"
Now, my stepsons' call me once a week just to say that they love me...
2006-12-11 05:23:22 · answer #9 · answered by Nut 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
do not EVER attempt to be her mom---makes sure she knows that u are not her mom....only speak good of her mom
2006-12-11 05:00:46 · answer #10 · answered by sunbun 6 · 1⤊ 1⤋