I was previously married for 18 years. He cheated on me every chance he got, usually by meetting women and online and advertising that he was divorced. He would never allow me to go near his computer or see his e-mail. It got to the point that he was online every single night for hours, and during the day as well and didn't even bother to lie about most of his activities.
The problem is this: We are divorced now and I have met a wonderful man. We have been living together for eight months, but he is online a lot looking things up and checking his e-mail, etc.. I can't seem to shake the feelings that I get physically and emotionally when I hear the dial-up to go online or when I see him online. I trust him and believe in our relationship, but because of my past it scares the hell out of me. How do I deal with this insecurity?
I told him about it once and he lets me sit next to him when he's online, but I still feel physically sick when I think about online cheating.
2006-12-11 04:53:22 · 16 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Here is an old rule of thumb:Trust someone UNTIL they give you a reason not to.
2006-12-11 04:58:05 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I don't think that you have healed emotionally from your husband...What happened with your ex-husband was just an experience and you need to get over it...This man is trying to restore confidence in him by letting you sit next to him while he's on the internet so why are you still insecure...You need to learn that every man is not the same...
I want to tell you that you need to get over your insecurities about what another man did before you lose a good man if he's willing to let you see him online.....Girlfriend get it together or you will be alone if everything this man does, you are comparing him to your ex as that will get old and tired and then you'll be by yourself....I think that is one of the worse things you can do it overreact for something another man did and feel all men will do it to you...
I think you should have given yourself more time to release this emotional fear and insecurities, but since you jumped back into another relationship before you have fully healed, you need to work on yourself before you self-destruct your relationship...
You need to learn to forgive that man and chuck the past up as an experience and live your life and don't make the same mistakes or wisen up and learn from your past experiences......
2006-12-11 06:45:02 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
Ask him to be respectful of you and your feelings regarding this issue. Certainly he must be aware of how it has affected you from previous relationship. But you also need to trust that this new man is not online checking out other females every time he goes on. If necessary you may need to attend some form of counseling to help with these trust issues. The past is just that - the past. Allow it to be put to rest and do not jeopardize this relationship because of your insecurities. Best of luck in resolving this.
2006-12-11 05:00:11 · answer #3 · answered by crazylegs 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I had the exact same problem. My ex cheated on my by finding women online and advertising himself on personals sites as being single. Thank god we divorced, but when I met the man who is now my husband, I had real issues. He was online a lot and I was very suspicious. He kept reassuring me, but it took a LONG time for me to be able to trust. I explained to him why I had these feelings, and he was very understanding for a long time. Eventually, I got a little out of hand with my paranoid suspicions. I know he was very tired of it because he was completely innocent. It just takes time. You can't make yourself stop having these feelings, but you can tell yourself that not all men are liars and cheaters. If your new man is the one for you, he will understand. But please don't get out of control with this because it will hurt your new relationship. Like I said, it just takes time. I had the notion for a long time that all men cheated, and I just had to overcome that insecurity.
2006-12-11 05:00:11 · answer #4 · answered by danika1066 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Well, I think you have found a good guy there. He seems to understand your feelings and is willing to have you sit with him while he is online. He is opening his e-mail and all, so i don't think you have to worry about the problem happening again.
I think yuo need to put a little more faith in your new guy. All people are different, and not all men cheat. Sounds like you got one that won't.
Be happy and Good Luck
2006-12-11 05:00:34 · answer #5 · answered by bux_martinfan 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You have to work on resolving that problem before you run him off, especially if he's not doing any cheating on-line. Give him the benefit of doubt until for some reason he causes you to be suspicious of this problem. The fact is, if he was doing this you would have known from your previous experience how to catch him at it. Hopefully, this is your true happiness without the fear or stress that comes with the easy access of "on-line affairs."
2006-12-11 05:05:09 · answer #6 · answered by msthinkpositive 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like you are both doing the right things. If you are have physical symptoms of an emotional issue, I think that is a pretty clear sign you need to see a professional counselor.
2006-12-11 04:57:38 · answer #7 · answered by javelin 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like he doesn't have anything to hide. You have to start trusting him, if you want this to work. Keep in mind your ex and your current boyfriend are two different people.
I don't think you fully trust him, or it wouldn't bother you when he is online. You have to make yourself trust him.
2006-12-11 05:02:01 · answer #8 · answered by Tabitha 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
it happens with the best of husbands--it is unfortunate but you must try and trust even though it ruined your first marriage. Ignornance is bliss so stop sitting by him when he is at his computer. Both husbands and wives need a little privacy.
2006-12-11 04:59:51 · answer #9 · answered by maddy 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i feel u samething happened to me now i have a spectacular man but my bagage makes me not trust i told him from the begining i didn't trust men was y i turned him down 4 mnths he was getting popup ims al of a sudden i started snooping his phone usual stuff going nuts finaily i told him he gave me everything ids passwrds acct info u name i got it still hard 2 trust but it's not him it's u & me we need 2 trust ourselves that this time we picked better people good luck
2006-12-11 05:06:09 · answer #10 · answered by trina f 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋