I'm married to a guy that goes to work (he travels for months at a time) and is the bread winner of the house. He leaves the finances up to me, pay the bills and see to everything that concerns bills or repairs and domestic responsibilities and even his corporate charge account wont get paid if I don't demand for him to do it! He wont do any domestic duties and acts like he's on vacation when he does come home! When I have complained and demanded that he help, at least do some yard work or put up weather stripping, he starts ranting about how he makes the money and is so generous with it and he works so I should do everything else!
This past year or so he has really gotten ugly, dumping all the responsibilities on me AND making sure I was overwhelmed with crap like taxes unpaid, or being cited for any county violation like weeds, unlicenced car ect. then he tells me "we should see other people" He has cried, begged forgiveness and reoffended and I just want revenge! Got any ideas?
2006-12-11 04:25:02 · 10 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
He acts like an overbearing jerk and when I get really tired and tell him I want a divorce and I just can't live with him, then he begs and cries and makes every promise he can get out of his mouth!... he even says he'll kill himself! (i'm tempted to let him do it!) before he can fulfill any promises it's back on the job..." do it when I'm back!"
I can't just pick up and leave as we have alot of stuff and the responsibilities are overwhelming! 2 houses, lots of pets, ect. I really need some insight and advice because I'm loosing my friggen mind and he's enjoying it. HELP!
2006-12-11 04:37:45 · update #1
I think he is right. You should see other people. I think that his continuous berating of you is uncalled for, and that you need to be with someone who appreciates the things you do.
It sounds like he is an only child, am I correct? He has never learned about responsibilities, and has always gotten his way.
Yes, he may leave the house to travel for work, but that does not mean that he is any different than any other married guy in the world. We all have work to do for work, but we also have the "honey do" list provided to us by our better halves.
He should be grateful that his house is still standing when he comes home form the road. Not only the house standing, but you standing in the house.
Would he rather you hire a handyman or landscaping crew to do the things he is capapble of doing?
If things are that bad, then my only advice is to get out of the marriage. What happens when the emotional abuse isn't enough for him any more? Are you going to allow him to be physically abusive, as well?
Good luck
2006-12-11 04:34:08 · answer #1 · answered by bux_martinfan 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sorry, I don't see your problem, hon. Do you have a job outside the home? You say he's the breadwinner--to me that means he is the wole provider of buckos. Even if you do have a job, you are at home and, that would mean that as part of the team, you get things done at the home, in the home. Hire it out, sweetie, call a gardner, handyman or whatever. He's provided the $$ so write the checks!!!!! He's bringing home the $$, it is then your job to take care of the house. YOU dont have to physically put up weatherstripping, rake leaves, clean house, etc. That's what housekeeppers and gardners are for. What's your problem?
2006-12-11 12:45:39 · answer #2 · answered by April 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You must decide if he will go into counseling or you can just hire a handy man to do the job for him. At least here, where I live, mu husband is deployed alot because of the war, so there are always companies that will do work for women who are on their own. If there are companies like this in town, hire a handyman or a neighbor or someone to do your husband "Honey-do"list. maybe if he sees some other male who is hired to do his stuff (or not) he may be motivated to want to do it himself. This will also get the job done. So you won't get in trouble. Taxes can be done by H and R block. You can do your own car. Ect.
2006-12-11 12:34:15 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
What is the big deal with you taking some responsibility for paying a few bills, cutting the grass and getting a tag for the car, after all he is working for months at a time. Give the man a break. I don't understand women like you who are so spoiled. I mean come on now.
2006-12-11 12:30:07 · answer #4 · answered by Premo Mom 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Revenge is an ugly thing, but if your not divorced yet then I would divorce him and make sure you get alimony or something like that because you have never worked and he has the responsibilitie to provide you with some support. If you have a lawyer ask them, they should be able to lead you in the right direction. Good Luck!!!
2006-12-11 12:33:48 · answer #5 · answered by ddeater69 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
revenge will only hurt u more, hire someone to help u with some of the work, get rid of some of the pets, as he is not going to change his ways. he doesn't do what other husband's do, and u must decide if this is what u want for the rest of your life, and if u would be better off with or without him. he is sorry, and lazy, but unless he sees that their is a problem he won't do anything about it. need to set some boundaries, for yourself, and make it clear to him what the consequences will be, and than be prepared to go through with it. he doesn't honor u, he doesn't feel as if it is his responsibility to help, doesn't make for a very happy marriage.
2006-12-11 13:01:52 · answer #6 · answered by jude 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
not to sound rude but this scenario is very similar to my recent past marriage,and to be quite honest with you ,it's not just your husbands fault,you both are to blame,one for not being a team and sharing responsibilities,not communicating openely,he may be acting overbearing but you are acting like a spoiled queen of sheeba,both of you need family counseling and need to learn to work together,marriage is a partnership that requires two people working together and putting out 100% each not 50 -50 Good Luck and God Bless
2006-12-11 13:13:08 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you don't work outside the home, stop complaining. Take a home management class and budget to pay someone to do yardwork every other month. You will be the queen of the castle. And he will wonder what you are doing that is making you so unconcerned about him.
2006-12-11 12:27:48 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
get rid of his sorry ***, my bet is that he has already been seeing other people. move on and get a man with a pair of balls that wants a wife and a HOME
2006-12-11 12:34:19 · answer #9 · answered by Jen 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
just go.
2006-12-11 12:29:10 · answer #10 · answered by Angry Insightful Black 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋