Is this worth being annoyed at?

Question

I am actually more than annoyed. Yesterday my husband of 25 years and I were going to do a good cleaning to the house. I ran up to the store to get a cleaning supply. Before I left, I told him I would take care of the papers, please leave them alone. I told him I didn't want to fight today so please leave them. They were bills and receipts on the desk that needed sorted and filed. I do all the paper work and I hate it when someone messes with it. I was gone 30 min and in that time he had piled up the papers and moved them to another table. There were a million other things that he could have done. This is not the first time but it is the most deliberate. I realize that they annoy him but he cannot deal with them, we have tried in the past. I cannot always keep papers put away due to other details that need to be dealt with in the house. I find this a very serious issue as it shows passive agressive behavior and a true desire to annoy me. What do you think about this?

Answer 1

Yes, it was passive-aggressive, yes it was deliberate, yes it shows that your relationship with him is reaching the point of actively antigonizing each other. When you mentioned that you "don't want to fight today", it was a big clue as to the larger picture of your relationship, which isn't very happy right now.

The real questions here is, will he seek counseling with you, is your marriage worth the hassles that are coming up with increasing frequency, or are you willing to walk on a 25-year marriage?

You and he have a big talk waiting for you two and I think you've been avoiding it; life will continue on like this, until you get him to the table or you walk.

Good luck.

Answer 2

Could he be feeling a little pushed around by you? I mean, do you sometimes come across as bossy and the head of the household? It sounds to me that he was trying to assert himself and show you in a passive way that he feels less than. Try not to point out the fact that you deal with the papers because he's no good at it. Instead, tell him the things that he is good at and reinforce those ideas with praise for a job well done. Don't accuse him of being a jerk about the papers because that will only build up more resentment. He has a resentment about something and you need to find out what it is. Good luck!

Answer 3

I think that you should not let the household papers stack up to that level where they cant be ignored. maybe this is the message that he is trying to passively/ aggressively get you to see. Eventhough they are mostly bills, you can in most instances, fillout a post dated check, stuff it into an envelope, and keep and acurate register to reflect the bills en route. Doesnt necessarily mean to mail them, however, it is easier to put these bills in an out box to be mailed once the funds are available, instead of trashing up the desk. You can do this almost as soon as the statements are mailed to you. No it isnt worth being annoyed about, and stop pointing fingers at your husband, remember one finger in the opposite direction effectively points three at you.

Answer 4

He could have misunderstood you, or he could have thought he was helping. Men don't think the same way women do, and that miscommunication causes a lot of problems. I'm responsible for all the bills, reciepts and such at our house as well -- for our home bills and our business bills. My hubby doesn't want anything to do with the "paperwork end" of the business and I can get pretty miffed if he starts going through things on my desk. When he starts that, I simply say to him ... if you'd like to help out or take over paying all the bills, I'll be happy to share that responsibility with you. If not, then please don't mess with my system. I know it doesn't look organized to you, but I it is to me. That usually sets him straight again.

Answer 5

My husband does the same thing, the only reason why I try not to let it annoy me is because he does it to help me clean the house. He does the wash to all never seperates the wash. Luckily he has never turned my whites pink yet. He still does not understand that I hide things from myself and I don't know who to blame when I misplace something. Was it him, trying to be nice and clean uo for me, or was it me, forgetting where I put it. P.S. when he cleans my stuff, he forgot where he put my stuff to. You have to decide if it is worth fighting over and if he is doing it on purpose to purposelyy hurt you or mess with your mind. Sometimes you say something and it goes in one ear and out the other.

Answer 6

Well if I was you I would be annoyed..but the question that comes to my mind is..what happened once you got back home? did y'all argue and he left or what? I mean if he don't like to mess with the bills and stuff then he shouldn't but when he does you have to treat him like a child b/c that is what he is acting like...Obvisouly he does not see the importance of the papers..I am one of those ppl that say maybe if i show you want happens when you touch them, you will stop touching them..but then that is me. Have you talked to him about it?

Answer 7

Maybe you should get a nice big inbox to put all the papers in until you can go through them, that way they are out of his way and he does not get tempted to mess with them when he knows it will do no good.

Answer 8

You both have control issues. Each is trying to control the other. Get some counselling. So many things you said above make it very obvious.

Answer 9

To me personally this is very minuscule. If this bothers you really bad i think your husband and you are past yahoo answers, Marriage counseling is in order

Answer 10

That would irritate the crap out of me, to be honest. No reason he couldn't have waited 30 minutes till you got home.