Anyone drag there cheating spouse to counseling, Did it work??

Question

I am trying to get my cheating wife to go to marriage counseling. She wants to keep cheating on me because she is not sure of me being able to. A little background- I had major surgery around a year and half ago. Nearly died. She took care of me. Recovering from the surgery it took me about a year to recover and become functional in bed. Turns out she cheated on me during that period. Said she would stop once I recovered. I thought once she saw I was healthy enough she would stop. But she still has cheated. She now admits that is for two reasons. 1) She discovered she likes F'N around with multiple partners and 2) She is afraid if she gives up guy she is currently sleeping with and I get ill again where does that leave her? How do I respond to that? We have a severley autistic son so trying not to break up home.

Answer 1

I'm so sorry. I think your wife needs to have her head examined. Her reasoning is nuts. Cheating is something that, I feel, is almost impossible to break someone of. They either hve it in their head that's it's okay during certain circumstances, or it's not. Your wife seems to think that she has a good reason to cheat, but you and everytone else reading this would probably say otherwise. People either cheat or they have an ingrained moral compass that stops them under any circumstance.

I tried for years to get my ex-husband to stop. I was a very good wife and I kept my looks. I never refused him sexually and was always available to him, but he cheated anyway because he wanted to - he liked it! I did take him to counselling at our church, but the minister told me that I shouldn't worry about it - that ALL men did it - even him! It made me physically sick to think about it, but I didn't want to break up our family.

Finally, I had to. I couldn't go on knowing that he couldn't possibly love me if he was continuing to cheat and that there were men out there who had integrity and would never cheat. One of the yardsticks I use to know if I am in love is would I still love him and be with him if we were unable to have a normal sexual relationship because of health reasons.

I have a new man now and I can honestly say that if that happened, I would never cheat on him. I would find something that we could do together sexually, but I would not cheat or look to another man.

I am very very sorry about your health situation. I'm sure your feelings are mixed because of that and not wishing to break up your family. From my experience, once a cheater , always a cheater. I believe that there is another woman out there who would cherish you regardless of your health problem.

Answer 2

Sad situation. Sorry to say in my experience, unless somebody is sincerely sorry and wants to work things out then it is a waste of time and money.
I went with my cheating husband (now ex) to his counselor which was a mistake. The guy was just out for his money and they had already talked about me, etc. etc. Also my ex denied cheating, that is having sex, said they were just friends, and I knew it was a lie but the therapist went along with it. This guy was so unprofessional he should have been reported. But anyway the guy was totally pro divorce even making the statement "if u love something, let it go and if it is meant to be it will come back to u" Well ok if u are 16 years old! He also said "Well if u can't get along, you might well get a divorce."
I know your wife is insecure since your illness, our situation was
very similar with the illness, but he then started cheating after the recovery. Really I honestly hope u find a woman who will appreciate you, too bad your son has tto go through this but some people are just a****. Good luck.

Answer 3

I really don't know what to tell u.........this is not a healthy relationship and if she has multiple partners that I don't think this is someone you really want to rekindle what you've had....this is not the same woman you married and to stay in it because of your son is not a good enough reason..........you've only confirmed what you already know because she's willing to give up on her husband but not her lovers...........so you already know the answer to your question. and everything is what she says, she says, how do you feel and what do you say..........stop being her door mat and if you love someone for better or worse than---sex does not make a marriage and she was doing this long before your major surgery..................and you know what because you know she's seeing others its no longer cheating its accepting...............What about u?

Answer 4

Well in my opinion you really shouldn't take revenge AT ALL. I know it seems hard to accept but taking revenge will just ruin your reputation and show that your still jealous and full of hate. I mean if you take revenge it'll just cause more drama (trust me at that stage thats the thing you need least) and people will think differently of you. Revenge is just showing that other person that you aren't over them and you still want them back even though what they did to you was totally unacceptable and wrong. I never cheated before so I don't know...

Answer 5

If they actually go because they want to, it will work. They don't want to go because they can't lie, circumvent, avoid or change the subject with a counselor. Until a person is ready to give up these things, try to have fun otherwise. Don't get involved right away. Take up painting or skeet shooting or something.

Answer 6

Wow. I wish I had some advise for you, but your situation is so sticky, that I would hate to steer you wrong, so I am just going to pray for you and your wife to reconcile fully and have a happy marriage. Good luck, sir.

Answer 7

Sounds like you have lost a wife a gained a roomate that will screw you. You have an open marriage now, either that or divorce. She has made up her mind. Either deal with it, screw her best friend, or move on. (if her best friend is a woman that is)

Answer 8

You need to lose her azz!!!! She is using you and you deserve better!

Answer 9

I am so sorry...I don't know what to say.

Answer 10

..omg...good luck mate...i mean that...and happy hols...