I need ideas on getting my wife to share some of her fantasies with me. We've been married a long time and enjoy a healthy sx life. I like to fantasize and I know she does too but she's always relunctant to share when I bring the subject up? I think it would add to the fun to our bedroom time. What might be holding her back?
2006-12-11 04:12:29 · 23 answers · asked by RuffNTuff 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
She's probably afraid you'll judge her or think she is weird. So you need to make sure she knows you won't judge her or think less of her. Reassure her that you love her and really want to know what is going on in her head.
2006-12-11 04:17:35 · answer #1 · answered by goldensparkler61 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You married your wife because of a certain way she acted, talked, carried herself, correct? Not only that, but because you love her, right?
In this case, you are asking your wife to not be that person you fell in love with. You are asking her to being someone she is not.
She probably feels, if she tells you her deepest darkest fantasy, it will be so far from who she noramally is, that you will either leave her or never look at her the same way again.
There are women that a guy has sex with just for the sake of having sex. Then there is the woman that he decided to share his life with, and vice versa.
The key is to not apply a lot of pressure on her about this. If you want her to open up a bit, then during sex, ask her where she wants you to be. Ask her if there is anything special she wants done.
You are alredy in the bed, just pay attention to her needs. By asking what feels good and what doesn't she will tell you. A woman's sex drive and orgasm are sensory based. If she does not feel stimulated, then it is just a physical thing.
She will appreciate your thoughtfulness in wanting to please her. This is just a small step, but you know the saying about a long journey beginning with a single step, right?
Good luck.
2006-12-11 04:26:07 · answer #2 · answered by bux_martinfan 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
well, from experience most of the time women hold back on their fantasies with their spouse because they feel like the fantasies might get mis treated.Women are ussually more sensitive about sharing all that they feel or have in their minds. They are used to being judged constantly by other women in society and tend to be a little more protective about what they feel someone can think bad of them about or something they feel someone can use against them.
My suggestion is to just start out with trying little experiments with the two of you sexually.Like maybe you can buy a Vibrating ring that you wear during intercourse and just slip it on just before you put your @*% Inside her without her knowing.I am sure like most women she will find it enjoyable,and believe me I have used them and can tell you they are fun for both people.She dont have to feel weird cause it is still you but with a little more to add.
Start out just doing different things to see her reaction. If she continues to like the changes it wont be long before she starts to feel more comfortable with sharing not only physically but also will start sharing more mentally.
2006-12-11 04:26:35 · answer #3 · answered by vmaxer85 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
How long is long? It sounds like she is uncomfortable for some reason, but if you say you have a healthly sex life, then something
isn't right. It may take you stepping out of the box first. What are your fantasies, reveal them to her or maybe she has a wicked fantasy that she thinks will bug you out. But I am leaning toward the answer the other guy sent, that maybe you are not a part of her fantasies. Good luck!!!
2006-12-11 04:21:09 · answer #4 · answered by project achieve 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think getting a book on sexual fantasies and looking at it together would be the best way. You point out what you like and she will do the same. Women are much more reluctant to voice their preferences than men because they just find it harder to vocalize. But, if you have examples to look at, she will either tell you or you will be able to tell by her reaction what is suitable for her. A book is much better than a porn movie because that can be embarrassing. A book seems more refined......not porn mags either, though.
2006-12-11 04:19:38 · answer #5 · answered by salamander35 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Probably embarrassed, probably raised a good girl and good girls don't talk about stuff like that. (just guessing) Try taking a bubble bath, have her lay in front of you and hold her. Whisper in her ear....do you know what I'd like to do to you....then ask her, "what are some of your fantasies?" Make sure the lights are off except for a small candle so you don't see her face. She will be more apt to tell you. Good Luck.
2006-12-11 04:17:45 · answer #6 · answered by Becky F 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
maybe she likes jsut keeping them to herself, maybe just start asking her things she would like. ya know like small things for example a completely new position or a sensitive part of her body or how she likes to be touched in certain places, start small and then maybe she'll feel more confident with telling you. also if u dont have kids then i suggest possibly videotaping ureselves, thats what made me less shy and more aggressive. if she still is reluctant on sharing her fantasies like i said before maybe she just wants to keep them to herself and thats ok as long as u guys still have a healthy sex life jsut learn to deal with it. Hey look at it this way ure married and still doign it, some people quit after the honeymoon, hahah!
2006-12-11 04:30:16 · answer #7 · answered by toolate 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I could have written this same exact question. My wife is the same way. I have given up even asking about her fantasies. She tells that if she told me her fantasies, they would loose their power. She tells me they nothing too risque or taboo, just that they are hers and they work and she does not want let go of them.
I've started taking a new approach. I ask her, "Wouldn't blah-blah-blah be fun once?" I think she'll usually take the hint and go along with it, just for my benefit.
2006-12-11 04:17:05 · answer #8 · answered by javelin 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
A bit of fear is holding her back.... try asking her if there is anything she would like to do but hasn't and maybe that will get her started..... open up to her with some ideas of different places besides home or a different room....just be careful with your ideas so she doesn't think you want someone else :o)
2006-12-11 04:17:19 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Maybe she is embarassed or afraid it will make you angry. Reassure her that you will not get angry. And if you wanna spice things up ask her what she things would spice it up a little bit. What me and my husband did was we went in seperate rooms and wrote down what we would like to do or have done in the bedroom. Later I gave him what I wrote and he gave me what he wrote and neither one of us felt on the spot or guilty about anything. So good luck
2006-12-11 04:19:33 · answer #10 · answered by Sarah G 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋