we both realize this is hurting our relationship but, we misunderstand each other so much. We think completely differant and do have some significant trust issues. Both of us want to be with each other because when we get along it is like heaven and we care deeply for one another. What can we do to stop this arguing that happens so much. We are trying to trust each other, but hurts from the past have been pretty detrimental to us both. We have not been unfaithful to each other. We just have very differant opinions of the way things are. My friends thinks he treats me really bad and is very controling. His friends think I am not the one for him, but he does. His family doesnt like me, my family doesnt like him. Both of us have expressed to each other that if we would just quit arguing, our relationship would be truely great.
2006-12-11 03:52:00 · 5 answers · asked by Hawksflyn2u 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
You are different and that weakens mutual respect. We generally respect people like us. So the challenge is respecting differences. Friendships flourish amongst equals.
The solution is to be accepting of the other unconditionally. That does not require agreement. You don't have to agree but you need to 'agree to disagree' respectfully.
1. Hear his side on an issue without interrupting him. When he is finished then ask for him to hear you uninterruptedly until you are finished.
2. Discuss back and forth and identify areas problem areas and prioritize them.
3. Brainstorm mutually agreeable solutions.
4, Draft a written agreement on the solutions you both agree to follow through on.
5. If you cant agree then say...
"Thanks for hearing me out, but after hearing you, I just don't agree with that, but I respect the fact that you do, so I won't try to change you. I accept you as you are."
2006-12-11 04:12:50 · answer #1 · answered by TransformYour.World 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This sounds like a case of both needing to be right about whatever you are arguing about. For the sake of your relationship, you may want to think about the fact that neither of you have to be right, . This need to be right is destroying it. Instead accept that both of you can have your own opinions, accept that they are not the same. If it is something that happened in the past, such as you believe that you cooked fish for dinner and he believes that you cooked chicken, let it go. Who cares whether you cooked chicken or fish? The relationship is more important then determining whether you cooked chicken or fish. In other words the relationship is more important then being right.
2006-12-11 12:00:25 · answer #2 · answered by brighterdayscounseling 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Just agree that you should both count to 10 before opening your mouths and never ever go to sleep on an argument
2006-12-11 11:55:58 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Interesting... this sounds just like me and my bf. And it is hard. I can't help much because I am in the same boat and am looking for an answer myself. But just know that you are not alone!! Some people that answered have some good views so hopefully they help you. ( and you never know, maybe me too) good luck and happy holidays.
2006-12-12 21:54:37 · answer #4 · answered by kyle 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
stop arguing. start agreeing. Real love means "sacrifice". For the sake of love you sacrifice your bad things. Then u will find only good things in love.
2006-12-11 12:00:21 · answer #5 · answered by pootee 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋