i'm 23 and my fiancee is 36. what could be wrong with our proposed marriage?

Question

we love each other so much and we are getting married soon. you can hardly tell cos she looks really young for her age and pretty too. She respects me a lot and vice versa. i wish she was younger and she wishes i was older, but we are putting that aside and going for it. is there anyone is this situation that can share their experiences?

Answer 1

I met my wife when I was 26 and she was 38 been married for 17 years. It's been at times difficult and the age difference can be a problem at times but as you two mature as a couple, things will balance out I am glad that my older woman is in my life.

Answer 2

I am 24 and my boyfriend is 38, so I can say I am in a similar situation. We are talking marriage, but I'm freaking out a bit about it also. I don't think our age is an issue really, there are some differences that we have, but I think that a couple could have those same differences no matter what the age. I really try not to pin any problems to the age issue. The age thing is just a scapegoat. If you really love her, then it shouldn't be an issue. The only issue that I would see in your situation, since it is reverse from mine (you are the younger male with an older female) is kids. If you want kids, then you would need to jump on that wagon soon, or it could be too late. Other than that, as long as you are mature and don't expect your wife-to-be to change her ways (they usually don't after a certain age), then things will be wonderful.

Answer 3

13 years is almost a generation gap. It will be tough. There is no question about that. As a 36 year old, I know I think completely different that a 23 year old and vice versa.

That being said, however, if you both love and respect each other, you can get around the age difference.

There are no little "secrets" to having a good relationship. There are only the tried and true methods, which begin by having open communication.

If you can talk to each other about anything and everything, then this union will fruitful. If not, there will be a lot of tough times ahead.

If either of you have doubts about this marriage working, better to talk them out now and make sure it what you both want, before starting your lives together.

Keep talking to each other. Keep an open mind, and listen twice as much as you speak.

Those are the only words of advice that are important.

Answer 4

I'm not in the situation, but I do know of two different couples that are 10-15 years apart in age. Both of them are happily married and have been for 15+ years. I think that there are advantages and disadvantages. The advantages are that each age has something important to bring into the relationship. She may bring out a maturity in you and you may keep her young.

The other advantage specifically for you is that men age faster in later years, and die younger. As the two of you get into your later years, you will "come closer" in age.

Another advantage is that you can already tell she looks great at 36. This means she's probably going to look great at 46 as well (for a 46 year-old). She's obviously got some good genes. Nothing wrong with that, if you can see past some wrinkles and keep things in perspective when your friends are dating younger.

JMHO

Answer 5

I am not in the situation but I had a guy friend who was in the same situation as you have described. In his case they didn't get married but your situation doesn't have to end up like that.

If you both love and respect each other despite the age difference then do it. To hell with numbers. Age doesn't determine how mature you are; life experiences and how you handle them is what determines your maturity level. Marry your girl and always love her if you know that your being older isn't going to bother you. But if there is any doubt for either of you, you may want to seek marriage counseling and determine if you two will make it in this lifetime commitment. Marriage is a big step and shouldn't be entered into lightly. Good luck.

Answer 6

I give the names of some famous couples with big age gaps:

1.Tony Randall and Heather Harlan (50 Years)
2. Groucho Marx and Eden Hartford (40 Years)
3. Charlie Chaplin and Oona O'neill(37 Years)
4. Woody Allen and Soon-Yi Previn (35 Years)
5. Robert Evans and Catherine Oxenberg (32 years)
6. Frank Sinatra and Mia Farrow (29 years)
7. Humphrey Bogart and Lauren Bacall (25 years)
8. Michael Douglas and Catherine Zeta-Jones (25 years)
9. Rod Stewart and Rachel Hunter (25 Years)
10. Liz Taylor and Larry Fortensky (20 Years)

Some of those marriages lasted until one of the partners died while some were divorced in a few years time. You can read their experiences in the link given below.

Answer 7

congratulations, i hope it works out. its common for older men to date younger women, but somehow it seems harder to accept when the woman is the older person in the relationship. i'm not sure why that is. if you both love each other and walk into this with open eyes your marriage could be very fulfilling. but its interesting that you say you "wish she was younger". do you think those feelings will increase or diminish over time? i would venture to say that even though you both share that opinion, its probably for two very different reasons, and that should be discussed if it hasn't already. do you both share similar goals for the future: children, work, retirement, financial goals, etc? don't rush into it. there is nothing wrong with dating or living with someone before making a legal, life-long commitment to one another. my bf and I met when we were young and we've been living together for 9 years now; we'll get married when we're ready to have kids.

Answer 8

I was in an opposite situation, of being the younger female married to an older male. We are now divorced, but it wasn't because of an age issue. I congratulate you on your choice and think it's sweet that you compliment how pretty she is. It may be hard at times to deal with the difference in age, but the only suggestion I would make is to make sure you've had a long dating/engagement time to be sure you can work through the kinks...if so, then have a wonderful life!!!!

Answer 9

she is 13 years older. Well as a rule of thumb,just nothig more, I believe a guy should be older. I don't know it just kinds feels right. But if you two have the love and the connection you claiim to have, I have no reason or proof that a guy should be older...Well my thing is you might not be , you know kinda interested in her when you are 50 and she is 63..you know....but it depends again...I mean if you look at it,there is nothing wrong about it. Don't put it off because people told you that it is wrong....People have always a thing or two against you even if you date younger girl...But if you find it reasonable and can think of spending the rest of your life..good. But again you have to be able to differentiate lust from love..True I am so turned on by hot ladies who are older than me. They are great in bed....But I don't want to build a relaitonship,especially marriage, based on lust. So if you have more than lust towards this lady.....well go for it.

Answer 10

Expectations.
Each culture has cultural norms. Every ~5 years theres a new youth culture, and therefore there is a cultural gap every 5 years. Those cultural gaps are associated with different non-articulated expectations that come as part of the package of cultural norms.

Reality - expectations = dissapointment

Unmet expectations are the cause of anger, fights, bitterness. These things happen even within the same youth-culture-group-thing but they happen more outside of it.

Who am I to say where there is a problem without offering a suggestion. A very helpful book to work through as a couple to set expectations and keep them met, is "His needs, Her needs" You should check it out, its pretty cross generational and cross cultural.