Is this an abusive relationship?

Question

we often argue and fight and we call each other names for example he called me b***, c*** and that i'm not mrs. skinny..i called him names too...but when i mentioned something about his mother he really got mad i thought he was going to hurt me and yelled at me to stop talking about his mother etc. so i said ok. ok just so he can calm down and not pshysically attack me and i never seen him so mad and he started threatening me with divorce and so on...i think that if me and her were both drowning he would jump to save her. I think he deserves to have his mother and maybe marry her instead.
I feel like i come second after her and he would prefer her instead of me any time, so next time he ask me for sex i'll tell him to go to his mother instead!!!!
I think this relationship is not healthy because he makes me cry alot and i'm getting really depressed. Is it abusive?

Answer 1

I do agree that the abuse is going both ways however, because men are stronger, women are the ones that get physically hurt. Because you are more afraid of his strength then he is of yours, his abuse will ultimately get you hurt. The incident that you related above just illustrates the fact that you are more afraid of him hurting you then he is of you hurting him.

My second thoughts on this are when a relationship becomes more unhappy then happy, that is when it is time to get out.

Answer 2

It could be considered emotional abuse, however it sounds like you do it to each other, so it's kind of a childish way to fight. You can argue in a way that isn't so negative. Say what's on your mind in a civilized manner and hopefully he will respond differently. Don't stoop to calling him names back....just walk away and distance yourselves from each other until you calm down a bit and can be more rational. Then the name calling should stop. Don't be jealous of the Mother....it is his job as her son to help take care of her, too. Maybe counseling would be a good idea for the 2 of you before you give up completely. This can be worked out. It will take effort on a daily basis from both of you. He may have to work harder because he will have his Mom to deal with, too. I wish you lots of luck and hope you can all work this out in a civilized way. Start with forgiveness for each other and put the past in the past. Start a new way of handling this stress today and look forward not back.You can't take back what has already been said and done, so forgive each other and move forward.

Answer 3

This is a good question simply because you both degrad each others characters. I mean what did his mother have to do with it..But from how you explain things seems like she has a lot to do with it. Seems like she is causeing problems in you guys relationship or you would not have brought her up. I know exactly what you are going except it was not my hudbands mother it was my own. I will tell you this now if his mother contiues to but into your relationship your marriage is not going to last long let me guess he do whatever mommy tells him to do i was the same way but until i took my mother out of the picture things were not going to get better. As soon as i took her out my whole marriage changed it took some time but we fought and it got better. If he cant realize she is the problem ill say get out of it while you can because the verbal abuse will turn into physical. Trust me i have been down that road before it might not be all his fought i like how you were honest and said that you call him names to because some people wont admit that but thats good Oh but before you just give up try marriage counsleing indvidual and together. I want you to ask yourself something sit down and think about your marriage and ask yourself something is my marriagew worth fighting for believe me it works and i chose to fight but your case might be different but do that and then you decide. You can also take a piece of paper and write all the good times and bad and if the bad out weigh the good end it
I wish you the best of luck

Answer 4

Yall have a marriage in turmoil. If the both of you chill out and watch your mouths when bickering, it wouldn't get so bad. I understand the mother problem and if she is too involved with yall, maybe that needs to be resolved. Maybe do a little homework on what you can do to avoid that rage and your significant other needs to as well. Sit down and talk to each other when things are good and make some off limit remarks etc;. Probably can work together on disagreeing agreeably. It's worth a shot and just might work. Those nasty remarks can go un-said. The only reason they are made is to hurt each other, just don't need to get that personal.

Answer 5

I was in an abusive realtionship for years and how it started was with the name calling and the controlling behavior. The thing with your situation is you are calling him names as well. As you know his mother is a sensitve subject. It can go either way. Maybe if yall did not fight so often that you could be happy. Just be careful and watch for other signs of abuse. If the keeps downing you after you tell him it hurts you, and he is controlling you need to GET OUT NOW!!!! That is how it starts and it will only get worse. You deserve to be happy and even if it is not abusive life is too short to stay unhappy. Good luck

Answer 6

Until you accept that his mother will always be first in his life, you will always be depressed. Everyone argues and calls names, this is normal. However, it isn't normal to do it all the time. You can not ask a man to choose between his mother and his spouse, he will chose his mother everytime. If you really want this relationship to work then you need to sit down and discuss the heart of the problem calmly. Your relationship is not abusive on one part. You are both to blame for the verbal abuse. Maybe if you could sit down and talk calmly about this you might find that he does love you very much and doesn't appreciate you talking about his mother. Thank you.

Answer 7

Well, the way you're acting too...it's not all that mature either. As hard as it is, sometimes you have to be the one not to say those hurtful things. That way, your partner can see that: "Hey, she's not fighting back. She doesn't say those mean things anymore.."etc. If you stop doing it, maybe it'll open up a new window for him about you. If he continues to be nasty then yes, maybe it's time to go. But give this advice a few chances because when you're with someone you love, both of you are also going to be learning from each other and this can be one of them. Good luck!

Answer 8

It's not abusive, but it's not healthy. Stop calling him names. Don't lower yourself to that level, even if he does it. That doesn't fix anything, it only makes it worse. And don't attack his mother, and don't make him choose between you and his mother. The two closest female relationships a man has are with his mother and his wife, but they are very different relationships. Making him choose is a good way for you to both loose him. Remember, the primary goal of any arguement is to resolve a problem, not to win. If anyone "wins" the arguement, you both loose. Resolve the problem. Once the problem is resolved, you both "win" even if you loose the arguement.

If he calls you a name, ask him, "Is that what you really think of me? Or are you just angry?" If he's just angry, let him blow off steam, then say, "Okay, can we solve the problem now?" If that's what he really thinks of you, fix that problem! If he really thinks you're a b*** or a c***, ask him why, ask him how you can fix it, negotiate with him. "I'll stop getting after you to pick up your socks every day if you manage to get them all picked up at least once a week." "I'll stop getting after your friends if you tell them to stop staring at my ***." etc. Say it honestly, remember you're trying to solve a problem, not create one.

All in all, it sounds like neither of you treat the other with respect, and you both need to start.

Answer 9

yes it is abuse, and if we wait till they actually abuse us physically, we may really get hurt. face the facts, he loves his ma more than he does u, and theres nothing that can be done about that. u feel upset because your not getting the love u expected. but no one should stay in an abusive relationship, something the matter with his thinking, and how he feels about u. he may never change, so it may be time to start planning a divorce, never good to wait and not have a plan, when things get bad like this. as it is only a matter of time till he bails out, and it's just best to be prepared. chances are that he will always put his ma first, and it makes for a marriage we don't feel good in. your resentful, and that is natural to feel like that. just get out of there as fast as u can, or make him leave by getting a restraining order on him. it never gets better once they begin the abuse, just gets worse.

Answer 10

It might be abusive but the abuse goes both ways. Why would you bring up his mom in an argument anyway? If he hasn't hit you then I think you two should just calm down and discuss your problems without yelling. You are going to get a lot of answers from "feminists" that just assume the guy is in the wrong. Don't listen to these females. They are just bitter girls who have probably had their heart broken. The arguing is probably equally your fault too as well as his.