Need Advice. What do you think?

Question

My boyfriend broke up w/ me 2 months ago.He never really gave me a reason.We celebrated his birthday & he said he loved(like normal)& ten 2 days later it was over.Wednesday night his mother died. I met him through her.Her and I were close friends.I met her @ work.I would have lunch w/ her 1-2 a wk for yrs. I met him about a year ago, she introduced us.I fell for him almost immediately.He is so caring & kind.He never gave me a reason for the break-up.I assumed it was b/c of his grief over his mother's cancer.Tonight, I hurt for the lose of my friend, but my heart breaks for him.I took him & his family a dinner last night.For the past 2 months though we've been apart physically but i have been going thru this w/ him. I loved her & I love him so much.I want to be there for him now in his time of need, but he shows no emotion really & I don't know what to do.The funeral was a lovely tribute to her. He kept glancing over at me. I hope that was a sign that he was glad i was there. Any Advice

Answer 1

I'm sorry for your loss. I think the best thing is just to give him some space. I'm sure he knows how you feel about him, so he needs to come to you. But I would try my best to move on. Lingering over the past will get you nowhere.

Answer 2

Well ma'am the situation is a bit complex so we'll not attempt to find a push button solution here. Lets try the following

a) you connect with him in a neutral public place and tell him that you miss his mother as much as he does ( which is true)

This will lead to two things
Either he will shut up ( men are known to be like that) or
He'll open up.

In case he shuts up, give him some more time
In case he opens up, let him talk , discuss her without bringing YOUR relationship with him. This will help him to come to terms with his grief and yet he'll appreciate you were there for him at this time.

MAINLY, give it a few months without making any demands on the relationship. Just cruise for a while in the Friends mode until he has learnt to cope with his grief and then you guys can get back to being together again !

Cheers
Knightjoles

Answer 3

What i understand is that u need some affirmation that he still cares about you..but this is not the time to try and get it out of him. U realize that people are usually very confused around death of dear ones and their emotional reactions to things are different from usual. But it's common that when u lose a close relative, u tend to seek comfort in the arms of the one u love..so if he did actually love u, he'd probably have clung to you..but then again this depends on his personality. In all cases, this is not the right time for u to try and analyze his feelings..u did what u felt u should do and that was very nice of u..now he needs his space to get his feelings in perspective, im sure his sorrow prevails over any other emotion at the moment..give it time and then make conclusions..

Answer 4

The best thing to do is be a Great friend of the family and don't try to get close to him coz you have to give him time...your doing good so far.
This is enough and thats how far you can go...but if you keep trying 2 get closer you would make him feel that you are trying 2 hard and he gonna think that your using his mother death to get closer...visit the family and just say hi and ask him how he is?
thats it...but talk 2 his father cuz he the one with most pain in the family take his dad to dinner and talk...thats what i call a caring person.
Good luck just try 2 be friends that all ...i think it's best and than intill he makes a move.

Answer 5

you will have to let him grieve during this time. A friend went through this and she had to seek couseling, the relationship was all good and his best friend dies on New Year's eve, that shook his world up. He cut my friend off and didn't speak to her for several months. She did become a nag when the guy said he needed some time apart, so allow your ex to have some time. He knows that you care, but seeing you could be a reminder of his mom and that could be why he broke up with you. Try and give him a phone call once a week and see how he reacts, don't over do it.

Answer 6

I am sorry for the loss of your friend. I am sure he knew just how much you cared for his Mom and I am sure he was glad you were there. Give him some time to grieve, and let him know that you are there for him if he needs a friend. Maybe as time passes things will get better for him and when he "reawakens" and is ready to start his life again he will realize that the best thing that he could ever want is right in front of his eyes. Good luck to both of you

Answer 7

I think you need to deal with your issues and move on, life is too short to sit around wondering "WHAT IF...."
sorry about your friend, but someone in grief, does not have time or the emotions to persue a relationship. give him time and space. only time can tell.

Answer 8

wel for starters it seems as tho he is in pain over the death of his mother adn doesnt kno how to express his feelings very well.call him or go visit him sometime or even set up a lunch or dinner date to discuss your feelings for him and if he truly cares he will look at it as tho (this girl rilly does love me and wants to be with me)who knows just hope for the best and you mite get what you want

Answer 9

????? It is very hard to understand what you are asking! Please try using the "check spelling" button next time...
From what I could understand is, that no...he is not interested in you, except as a friend...so be supportive of his grief, and deal with your own grief...but don't expect anything more from him...stop obsessing with him and move on with your life!!!

Answer 10

Keep on being his friend and offer all that you can while hoping for the best.