My husband has cheated on me a few times. We've tried to work it out in the past, but not with counseling. We have decided to seperate this time and try counseling. He says he really wants to change and make it work. I know we love each other alot, but is that enough? Is there hope for a situation like this? He says we can't be together when I can't trust him. Can I give him trust back? We've been married six years and have two children.
2006-12-11 02:16:06 · 10 answers · asked by jgp 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I wish you luck. Doesn't sound promising though, if you ask me. If he's already cheated on you "a few" times in only 6 years, AND with you having kids, then I doubt he's the type that will suddenly change his ways and be faithful. I might think differently if you had been married, like - 15 years and it was a one-time deal. I'm so sorry he's putting you through that. Such a selfish jerk!
And who the hell does he think he is demanding trust in order to be together again? You tell him that IF you take him back, he has to EARN your trust, and it might take several years of fidelity to reach that point. If he ain't down with that, dump his azz to the curb.
2006-12-11 02:20:08 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Forgiveness is a Long-term thing that requires a Complete turn-around from Past attitudes and behaviors that allow the infidelity to perpetuate.
Only you will know in your Heart-of-Hearts if this man(Your Husband) is SERIOUS about his Life with You and Your Children!
Joint Counseling is the Best and ONLY way Forward for Both of YOU!
Complete Forgiveness can be achieved in these Situations-But ONLY over time and with Great Commitment by both you to resolve the underlying causes of His Infidelity!
2006-12-11 10:22:14 · answer #2 · answered by J. Charles 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
trust isn't someplace u will easily move back into, he should be more understanding of that and not feel hurt if u can't trust him right now. why has he left the home? seems to me that if u are going to regain trust, he should be there earning the trust, instead of moving out. love is not enough to fix this, need trust. seems to me as if he will not return until u have trust, could this just be a ploy to keep cheating on you? u all should be together, and he should be more understanding of the process it takes to regain trust, he is taking it all wrong, and seems as if he is not going to be willing to return till u trust him again, and maybe get off his butt for his choices. personally if he were living elsewhere and blaming the reason that u don't trust him, i would wonder about that. he should be willing to take whatever u say or want to confront him about, as he is the one who made the choice here, not u. i would not trust him for a minute, seems he may still be cheating.
2006-12-11 12:23:12 · answer #3 · answered by jude 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Love is NOT enough.
Marriage requires commitment, respect, fidelity, honesty, trust and love. Your husband is lacking all of those qualities except love.
And to be blunt, I would find it hard to believe a man loved me if he cheated on me (and more than once!) because if someone loves you they will go out of their way to avoid hurting you. Cheating on someone is a deliberate act that will hurt your spouse. So, he went out and screwed other women knowing full well he was hurting you, but not caring. To ME, that's not love.
But that's me. If you want to try and work it out, I would suggest some intensive counseling AND some clear consequences for his actions -- as in, if he cheats again, you will be out of there immediately. He will probably spend the rest of his life trying to earn your trust (as well he should after cheating on you this many times).
If you feel you can live like that, then go ahead. If not, then it's best to move on.
2006-12-11 10:29:38 · answer #4 · answered by Karen L 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You can get through it, but it takes a lot of work on both sides. For you it will take you being truly able to forgive! And for your husband, he will have to re-earn your trust and make you feel secure in your marriage. It will not be an easy task for either of you but only you can decide if it is worth it and if you believe he is truly going to stop cheating.
2006-12-11 10:21:47 · answer #5 · answered by Tara S 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If it was just once you would probably have a strong chance of pulling out of this, but are really going to ever trust him if he's done it multiple times? Maybe giving him a taste of his own medicine will set him straight, but other than that I don't see how he's going to all of the sudden be honest.
2006-12-11 10:36:28 · answer #6 · answered by Cyber Stalker 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like your husband is playing mind games with you. Of course you can't trust him if he's cheating on you. He knows you want to be with him. He just want to have his cake and ice cream. It might be time to separate in order to clear your mind and let him grow up. If he grows up, you can then decide if you want to keep him.
2006-12-11 10:26:10 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Short answer: No, you can't trust him, because he is going to cheat again. He won't change. He's just lying like he always does.
2006-12-11 10:24:03 · answer #8 · answered by wsguy1983 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
just seperate for a while and try conseling on your own ,then in time see's if he changes most of the time people dont change but you never know until you try
2006-12-11 10:20:41 · answer #9 · answered by can u ♥ moi? 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Perhaps you should see about an open marriage... Then you can both get yourself some... :D
2006-12-11 10:18:35 · answer #10 · answered by Forlorn Hope 7 · 0⤊ 2⤋